Kingdom Come
by Alex Beckett
Summary: What happens when Amanda is trouble and Nick comes to her rescue? Read on to find out! (Post Undercover Blue)
1. And So It Begins

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for original characters.**

* * *

_Monday, April 14_

_Sixteenth Precinct _

_1 PM _

* * *

This is not happening. This is not happening.

"Please, Mister Voorhies, I can have the money for you later today!"

My landlord's voice was stern through the earpiece, but he also sounded like he didn't care that much, as if pleading tones were nothing new to him.

"You were made aware of the rent policy when you moved into the building—the rent must be paid in full by noon on the fourteenth of the month, and today is the fourteenth of the month. I can't make any exceptions."

I wiped at the tears forming in my eyes. "But now I'm going to be homeless!"

"Unfortunately, that is not my concern; this is just a courtesy call to remind you that you have two hours to come back to collect your belongings and turn in your room key. If you don't, I will put an eviction notice on your door and lock it."

"Okay, I'll be there soon."

At a loss for words, I hung up the phone and started crying harder as I thought of how far my life has fallen in the past few months. At least I'm in the seclusion of the cribs and nobody can see me…

"Amanda?"

Startled, I looked up and Saw Nick entering the room and closing the door behind him.

"H-how long have you been there?"

"Just two seconds, I swear. What's the matter? You… didn't fall off the wagon, did you?"

"Nope; I'm all done with bookies and gambling."

I tried to smile, but it faltered and I let out a shaky breath.

"Nick, my life is falling apart right now, and if I can't make ends meet, I might have to go back to Atlanta. That's the last thing I need."

"What happened?"

I hesitated momemtarily, but mostly because nobody has really known what's happened in my personal life since Kim's last visit. Nick is a good guy, though, and I know him well enough by now to know that he wouldn't judge me for my life choices.

"After Kim cleaned me out and I left Fin's place, I moved into a cheap motel room so I'd at least have a place to stay while I got back on my feet. Even if she hadn't taken my things, there's no way I'd be able to stay in that apartment, not after someone died there..."

Nick moved from the door to my bed. "Does anybody know you're in a motel?"

"You're the first I've told."

I brushed back more tears as my bottom lip trembled, and Nick was immediately sitting next to me, giving me a backrub and making soothing noises.

"There's more to the story, isn't there?"

"Yeah." My back arched involuntarily at his touch because it had been awhile since anyone touched me like that, even innocently. "That was my landlord on the phone, and he said that since I didn't pay the rent on time, I have to pack my things up within the next two hours. If I don't, he's going to evict me!"

Before I could stop myself, I was crying all over again, so in response, Nick just pulled me close and let me cry on his shoulder. A few minutes later, when I was calmer, it took a lot of willpower to pull away because of how comfortable I was, and how relaxed Nick was but I eventually sat up because of something I remembered—he's married. I intended to say something about it, but what he said next really threw me for a loop.

"I have a spare bedroom you can use until you're back on your feet, Amanda."

"Oh, Nick, that's very sweet, but what about Maria?"

His expression darkened slightly. "She and Zara have been in Washington, D.C. for awhile now, and I don't think they're coming back to Manhattan. Maria and I aren't divorced, but we're separated and I wouldn't be surprised if she's already seeing someone."

An army of butterflies popped up in my stomach as I realized what he said, and as bewildered as that made me feel, I managed to squelch it and respond properly.

"If that's the case, then I'll gladly take you up on that offer; thanks." Nick lit up at this, making my heart melt. "I'll help with rent."

"There's no need, especially if you're in danger of not being able to make ends meet."

"Then at least let me help with groceries and cook for you every once and while."

His tone became teasing. "A single woman in New York City who knows how to cook… now there's something you don't see every day."

I returned his teasing with a playful punch in the arm. "If you keep teasing me, there's going to be nothing _but _takeout for a week. I'm not a bad cook, either!"

"With a punch like that, I'd say not."

My friend pretended to wince and then got to his feet, extending a hand. I gave him my hand and he pulled me to my feet with ease. He let go of my hand quickly and a split second later, my heart was already feeling sad about the loss of contact.

"Come on, Amanda—let's go!"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Do you really think I'm going to let you clean out your motel room by yourself?"

I felt even more taken aback. "You want to help?"

"What kind of gentlemen would I be if I offer you my spare bedroom and not do anything to help move your things?" he gave me a bashful grin. "All playfulness aside, though—with two people packing, I'm sure we'd beat your landlord's deadline."

"Right. I remembered. "The clock is ticking, so I should probably clean myself up before I go tell Cragen what's going on."

"I'll wait for you downstairs."

Despite Nick's total seriousness, I grinned because in my mind, just him saying that he'd be waiting for me down in the bullpen made him sound cute and endearing. He was unable to maintain his austere composure and we both started laughing, just because. Right in that moment, it felt as if a huge wave had suddenly been lifted off my shoulders.

"I'll see you in five minutes or less, and if anyone besides Cragen asks what we're up to, just tell them that you're helping me out with something. I'm not ready for everyone to see my dirty laundry just yet."

"I promise I won't betray your trust…"

His words trailed off as we stood there because there was nothing left to say, but it seemed that neither one of us wanted to move. Wishing I could see into his mind, I just smiled a little more and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"Nick?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks for coming to my rescue like this."

He returned the hand squeeze. "Any time, Amanda. Any time."


	2. Interlude

Once I felt presentable, I started heading down to the bullpen, but was met on the stairs landing by Munch and Fin. They looked concerned.

"Amanda, what's the matter?" asked Munch.

"Do I need to go chase a punk down and kick their ass for breaking your heart?" Fin wanted to know. "Say the word, and I'll do it."

"That's not necessary, but I appreciate your willingness to take action. Thanks, though."

"Offer still stands."

I smiled and turned to Munch. "There are some things that need sorting out and you'll know when I'm ready, but if you gentlemen will please excuse me, I'm on a deadline."

The guys quickly moved aside and when I finally made it down to the bullpen to collect my things, I saw Nick chatting with Olivia. She realized that something important was happening, so she left Nick to his own devices and soon, he had his things packed up and was hurrying after me. I had spotted Cragen out in the hallway by the elevators, and after we told him what was happening, his first response wasn't the kind that we had been expecting.

"I want both of you to take the rest of the week off and come back on Monday."

"I—"

"But—"

"Don't even try it." He pressed the down button for the nearest elevator. "Rollins, you need time to get your living conditions in order, and Amaro, you look wiped out, anyway. _Both _of you get some rest."

"What about Olivia, though?" Nick pressed.

"Benson will be paired with Munch and Fin so they won't pine for either of you too much, and so she can keep them from strangling each other if they get too bored." (Nick and I snickered at the thought) "There are no new cases open right now, so you won't be missing much and somebody will get you up to speed when you return."

The elevator dinged and slid open. We boarded it quickly and I called out to Cragen just as the doors began closing.

"See you on Monday!"

* * *

_378 West 71st Street _

_The Lost Wolf Motel _

* * *

When we walked past the check-in window, Mister Voorhies the landlord (and a sleazebag to boot) made lewd remarks about me bringing home 'company' when he saw Nick was with me. If Nick hadn't steered me up the staircase to the first row of apartments, I would've gone back down to give Mister Voorhies a piece of my mind.

Once inside my room, my cheeks began to burn with shame as as Nick became quiet, taking my place in. It wasn't all that big, but it included a bathroom, kitchenette and a Murphy bed a few feet away. A dresser drawer was up against the adjacent wall with a TV on top of it, not that I ever had time use the thing. I only come here to bathe, eat and sleep. Overall, the place was a bit drab.

"Oh, cut the crap." I laughed off the awkwardness and began digging through a kitchen cabinet. "We both know this place isn't four stars at all, so you can skip the 'what a nice place you have' routine. Catch."

I found what I was looking for and tossed it at him. He caught it quickly.

"Trash bags?"

"You're a good friend, but I'll be packing my own clothes, undergarments and toiletries, thank you."

"So this means I get the grunt work?" he joked. "What am I doing? Cleaning out your fridge?"

"I need every last scrap thrown out, even if it's in a container. Can you believe that Kim even took my dining things?" I threw my hands up in exasperation. "When I _do _get my own place, I'm going to have to get new _everything!" _

"Well, you're probably tired of hearing words like these, what with your Gamblers Anonymous meetings, but we just have to take this one step at a time."

I smiled because he'd said 'we.'

"I totally agree, Nick, and the first step is to get this place packed up!"

And with that, we set to work.

* * *

_Apartment of Nick Amaro _

_7:50 PM _

* * *

We were able to take all of my things down to the car in one go, so that meant we were able to get out even sooner than I'd intended, and by the time I had my things put away in the spare bedroom at Nick's apartment a little over an hour later, I was getting hungry. Enlisting his help and gathering things from the kitchen, we were able to whip up a tortellini soup, fresh salad and even a pitcher of raspberry lemonade. Since we were both in a relaxed sort of mood, we ate in front of the TV, not paying much attention to what was on the screen because we were having too much fun talking.

By the end of the meal, we were both way more comfortable with each other than we have been in the last two years we've been part of SVU, and as a result, we decided to go exploring for a few hours because we had the rest of the day at our disposal.

Returning to his place around dinner time, I still had my purse in my hand when my phone rang and I gave a start when my phone rang and I saw the name on the screen—Olivia Benson.

* * *

"Is everything alright?" I asked when I answered.

"Amanda, I'm not even sure." The older woman sounded sad. "Are you at home right now? I don't want to be a bother if you aren't."

"You're never a bother, and yes, I'm at home. Where are you?"

"I'm at Murphy's Bar, by the precinct. Will you come here?"

"Sure, I'll come see you."

This felt strange because in the two years that I've known Olivia and hero-worshipped her from afar, we've never had a one-on-one conversation unrelated to work.

"Is there something wrong?"

She laughed hollowly, and I heard the clink of ice cubes in her glass as she took a sip of her drink. "There are so many ways I can answer that right now… so many different ways that I can't begin to think of how much paper I'd need for that list…"

"Olivia Beverly Rose Benson, are you _drunk?" _My words came out a little sharper than I'd intended. "Do I need to come down there to cut you off?"

Her tone was now completely straight-laced. "Nope. Right now I need a friend to talk to, and I've tried Casey and Alex, but neither of them are answering, so I thought of you… but not as a last resort, you know?"

Trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my hero considered me a friend, I just nodded.

"Amanda? Are you there?"

Silly me. She can't see my nods.

"Yes, I am. Do you want to talk because we're also the only two women on the squad?"

There was another pause as she took another drink. "That's part of it, but I also don't want to drink alone."

"Sit tight, Olivia, I'll be there soon."

Olivia promised she wouldn't do anything stupid and hung up first. As I pocketed my phone, I saw that Nick was apprehensive.

"Is Olivia in trouble?"

"Not per se. It sounds like she's been dumped by Cassidy—"

"That no-good bastard doesn't deserve her, anyway. I should go beat him up for hurting her!"

"Suit yourself, Nick, but if anyone finds out that you wanted to beat him up _again, _they'd leave you in jail overnight before bailing you out."

"Touché." He grumbled. "What would you do?"

"I'd totally bail you out without hesitation, but I may just leave you in there for an hour or two to teach you a lesson, depending on how badly you whooped Brian Cassidy's ass."

"You wound me, Detective Amanda."

"Then suck it up!"

Nick laughed and I glanced at the clock by the door to check the time.

"Olivia's waiting for me, so I should get going…"

My friend opened the door for me but stopped on the front stoop, reaching into his mailbox.

"Take this." He pressed a spare key into my hand. "This is a key to the house, just in case you need to take Olivia home after last call, or something."

"Thanks, Nick."

I quickly fixed the key onto my own keychain as the light from the streetlamps cast an orange glow around us. Nick had his hand on my elbow, steadying me so I didn't fall off the small stoop and when we looked each other in the eyes, we smiled but I felt the tiniest spark of electricity for a split second. Did he feel it, too?

"Which way to the subway from here?"

"That way." Nick pointed down the street to my right. "If you and Olivia need a designated driver, I'm just a call away."

I thanked him for all of his generosity and hurried down the sidewalk into the evening gloom.


	3. Set Fire To The Rain

_Murphy's Bar, 8:37 PM _

* * *

Olivia was perched on a stool in the middle of the room and after ordering a beer from the bartender, I pulled up a stool next to my friend's. An empty scotch cup was beside her but a wineglass was in her hands. Great. She's been drowning her sorrows in alcohol.

"Hi, Liv! I made it!"

She smiled vaguely. "Thanks for coming, Amanda."

"What's going on, and are you _sure _you aren't drunk?"

"Okay, maybe _slightly _tipsy," she admitted, swirling the wine in her glass. "But after that drinking contest I had with Fin and Melinda, we all learned that I have a 'freakish' ability to hold my liquor."

"Fair enough." I had a swig of beer. "Seriously, though—is everything good with you and Cassidy?"

She shook her head and took a drink. "The first time I slept with him was because I just didn't know any better, so what made me think we could pick up after thirteen years apart? How could I have been that stupid?"

"You're not stupid; you're the strongest woman I know."

Olivia waved off my accolades. "I'm thinking about breaking up with him."

"Why?"

"Everything about our relationship is fraying! It started going downhill the minute he started questioning my loyalty during the Ganzell case, and now," she sighed shakily. "I've come to realize that I don't love him anymore and that things are getting unhealthy…"

"Do you know if he loves you back anymore?"

"I don't, but that's just it—part of being in a healthy, _committed _relationship is being able to _trust _each other! Am I right?"

"Oh, totally."

"To top it all off, we had our biggest fight ever yesterday!"

Olivia was escalating, but my calm tone kept her from getting too crazy.

"Cassidy doesn't want to get married?" I guessed.

"Worse—he doesn't want kids at all, ever."

"I'm so sorry."

She didn't even notice the sympathetic pat I gave her. "He says we're both too old to be parents now."

"How old _are _you, Olivia?"

"Old enough to have had you when I was a teenager."

"You don't look a day over—"

"Stuff it." she interrupted, slurring the last word slightly. "I know I hold the record for being one of the oldest and longest-lasting officers on the squad now, especially since I've been part of SVU practically since the dawn of time, but I have no intentions of leaving any time soon."

"Okay, that's great, but were you also going to say that you aren't ready to let go of having a baby of your own yet?"

"Bingo."

"What if you get a child, and you're a single mother? Don't you won't to have a husband?"

"Maybe having husband isn't in the grand scheme of things for me, after all. I could try adoption, and if that fails again, there's always IVF. At the end of nine months, I'd finally have a child and that's what matters."

"You've put a lot of thought of this, haven't you?"

"Yep!"

Since there wasn't a lot of wine left in her glass, Olivia drained it, and flagged down the bartender to top off her drink. She was too oblivious to hear the bartender's warning that she wouldn't be getting another drink.

"My heart just isn't part of mine and Brian's 'relationship' anymore."

"Why's that?"

"When you find the person you know you're going to spend the rest of your life with, you're supposed to love them with your whole heart and zero hesitation, right?"

"Right." I agreed.

"What would you do if you were me right now?"

"I'd break up with him, full stop."

Olivia blinked in surprise. "You would?"

I nodded. "Would it be so bad if you let him go?"

"No, actually. What we had back in ninety-nine isn't there anymore because lately, _everything _has been overshadowed by an ever-growing cloud of doubt, thanks to the Ganzell mess!"

"Whose idea was it to start things up again?"

"Mine…"

She quickly became lost in her own thoughts, making me realize that she was becoming more than 'a little tipsy,' and that a call to Nick was in order soon.

"Amanda, can I tell you something?"

"Olivia, you can tell me anything."

"I _am _a mother, but most people don't know that."

"Who else is there besides Calvin?"

"A baby girl named Grace, the daughter of a teenage prostitute named Gladys. It's a long story, but Gladys couldn't afford to keep Grace and delivered her prematurely via emergency c-section."

"What happened to Gladys?"

"Doesn't matter." Olivia waved her hand again. "What _does _matter is that Grace survived birth but was very tiny and needed a life-saving operation. Gladys gave me guardianship so I could make the choice."

"Did you choose to let the doctors operate on Grace?"

"No, because the odds of survival were already awful."

"What if she _had _made it through surgery and recovery?"

"Grace would've been in considerable pain and misery for the rest of her life. When you're a parent, and you have a child that frail and sickly, you do _anything _for them, even if it hurts your heart for years to come."

"Grace passed away?"

"They closed her up, took her off life support and put her in my arms. I wrapped in an extra fluffy blanket and then I held her, talked to her, kissed her and sang to her because I wanted to make sure she knew she was loved and that she wouldn't be alone. I was baby Grace's mother for three hours, but making that choice was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my entire life."

"I used to have a daughter, too…"

My confession fell on deaf ears because Olivia had retreated inside herself again, drinking more wine. While unsettling, her quietness was short-lived because she was extremely cheery and upbeat in the blink of an eye.

"But enough about my misery!" She actually giggled. "What's happening in Amanda-Land?"

"You're drunk."

"Damn straight. Now tell me."

"I have a crush on your partner."

"Sweetheart, that's not news; everybody knows it."

_"What?" _I flustered. "Am I that obvious?"

_"Completely, _and Nick's flirting and protectiveness of you is also obvious. He's protective of me because we're partners, and that's one thing, but the bond you two have is another thing altogether."

Olivia let out a hiccup and giggled in amusement. Lord help me.

"I'm just glad that you've finally admitted the attraction because this means Munch, Fin _and _Melinda all owe me a hundred dollars each! I'm _also _glad you admitted it because the attraction between you two has been apparent since you both joined the squad."

I could only blush because even though Olivia was drunk, she was correct.

"When you and Nick look at each other, everything is perfect and makes all the sense in the world, doesn't it?"

(I don't like where this is going)

"It makes all the sense in the world."

"But you—and I'm talking about your gorgeous self—don't want to do anything that would ruin that happiness, even though it means putting so many things at risk, right?"

"Yes, but how did you know?"

"Elliot and I used to look at each other like that."

Elliot? Oh, right—he was her partner before Nick.

"You know what? I'm going to call him right now."

"Wait, what?"

I tried to take the phone from her, but she blocked me as she dialed and held the device to her ear.

"Olivia, no! _Everybody _regrets drunk dialing! Give me your phone!"

"No!"

_"Now!"_

"Stuff it, Amanda, the line is ringing… not that he's going to answer when he sees my name…"

She blocked me again as I made another attempt, but it was half-hearted because now she was making a pouty face.

"Elliot isn't answering!" she brightened quickly as she continued to listen. "Voicemail!"

"Give me that right n—"

"Shush!"

Olivia gave my head a swat the way an older sibling gives a younger one as payback for being obnoxious. Still on the phone, she perked up quickly.

"Hello, Elliot! It's me calling again, and I'm pretty sure this is a drunk dial, _but _this time I'm actually gonna say it: I love you so much, and I've been in love with you since the first day met! Can you believe that was fourteen years ago, because I sure as fuck can't. What I _really _can't believe is that you've been one hundred percent off-limits this entire t—Hey! Amanda McLaine Rollins, give me my phone!"

While Olivia had been rambling, I'd finally been able to get her phone from her, but now I was disturbed that she knew my middle name, I used both of hers on her.

"Olivia Beverly Rose, you are drunk off your ass and starting to make a scene!"

She only gave me a wicked grin that she wouldn't give at all in a sober state, and it made my stomach sink.

"But you know what, Amanda?"

"What?"

Her voice turned singsong. "The phone is still on, and it's recording everything we're saying!"

I quickly ended the message and pocketed the phone so she couldn't get to it. Did she notice?

Of course not.

"Are you going to remember _any _of this tomorrow?"

"Probably not." She hiccupped and giggled again. "Will I have a hangover?"

"I have no doubt." Putting some money on the table and standing up, I gave her a gentle prod. "Come on, Liv, up and at 'em!"

"But it's not even Last Call yet!" she whined.

"You're still drunk."

"So?"

"You need to sleep it off!"

"Read me a bedtime story?"

"Absolutely not!"

"Why?"

"Because you're a grown woman, that's why not!"

She let out a sniffle, like she was about to cry. "You don't like me, Amanda? You don't want to be my friend?"

"Olivia, we _are _friends, but you'll be more thankful if you let me take you back to your place right now."

The older woman heaved a theatrical sigh and stood.

"I suppose you've got a point; let's go."

After making sure we had everything, I guided Olivia out to the sidewalk and called Nick, but he wasn't picking up. Weird.

Rather than risk Olivia acting any sillier while I waited for Nick to answer, I hailed us a cab and gave the cabbie directions to Olivia's apartment building. While my friend flew off to La La Land and remained convinced that my name was Agnes, I just humored her.

What kind of friend would I be if I didn't?


	4. A Long Time Coming

The second Olivia realized we were in her apartment, she made a beeline for her bedroom and was passed out on her bed by the time we got there. Suddenly feeling very sleepy myself, I left a glass of water and two aspirin tablets on her bedside table for the morning, along with a note to check in with me in the morning when she woke up. That last part was mostly for my own peace of mind.

* * *

When I made it back to Nick's apartment, I let myself in and called out to him.

"Nick? You didn't pick up when I called, and Olivia was already tipsy when I got there, so I—oh…"

He was perched on the sofa in the living room, just staring into space.

"What's going on?" I asked gently, kneeling down in front of him. "Are Maria and Zara okay?"

He nodded slowly. "It's finally happened, though."

"What has?"

"Maria divorced me, Amanda. She sent divorce papers from D.C. through a lawyer's office here and a courier delivered them while you were out."

"You signed the papers just like that?"

He finally looked me in the eyes. "I signed them because we fell out of love a long time ago and because her being away in Afghanistan, fighting in combat, put a bigger strain on things. We only stayed together for Zara."

"How is she now?"

"She just turned six a few weeks ago, and I went for a visit."

"Did you bring her a present?"

"An iPad, so she can Skype or text to keep in touch."

"That's nice." I smiled and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "What's going to happen to Zara? Is she going with Maria?"

Nick laughed hollowly. "This was a long time coming, but Maria must've decided to be the one to make the first move because she put in a letter with the papers, telling me that she accepted a promotion _and _a transfer to Japan."

"Japan?" I echoed.

"Japan." He confirmed. "I sent the papers back with a new courier, so they've probably been processed by now, which means Maria will be out on the first flight… typical…"

"What about Zara?"

Nick fell quiet, and it made my heart clench.

"Is she going, too?"

"No… I've been sitting here for the last half hour, trying to figure out how to tell you that I was given full custody of Zara, and that she'll be here tomorrow morning at ten o'clock sharp."

The weight of his words triggered a flood of overwhelming memories, forcing me to sit down in the middle of the floor, blink back my tears and take steadying breaths. Nick was at my side in a second, giving me a soothing backrub.

"Hey, I know this isn't what you signed up for, but I promise you that Zara doesn't bite. It might take some time for her to warm up to you, I know you two will get along. Please don't leave."

His last words were spoken in a tone similar to one of a little boy pleading and bargaining for something. It made me smile, which made him smile back and relax.

(Olivia's totally right about everything making sense when you're with the one you… love…? What?)

"Nick, it isn't about Zara—I'm actually excited to meet her. How old did you say she is?"

"Just turned six on March fifth."

"Almost six years ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Olivia Grace. She's an angel now, but I would do anything to hold her in my arms again and see her smile or hear her laugh again… but she's gone, so I can't…"

Nick pulled me into a gentle hug and I melted into it because he was so gentle.

"I'm thrilled to get to know Zara, and she won't scare me away, alright? This is your house and I'm not your girlfriend, so I'm not about to come between you and your daughter, especially since she'll probably be upset that her parents divorced, to say the least. I'm just a houseguest."

"Amanda, you're also my friend, and I'm so glad about it."

I blushed. "Awww, thanks, Nick."

Outside, a light rain started to fall against the roof and we both stayed on the floor, just listening to it and appreciating how relaxing it was.

Or… I was _trying _to listen to the rain.

I was way too comfortable in Nick's arms, and he didn't seem to mind, but I did because if I stayed like that for any longer, I would've kissed him and not been at all responsible for my actions from there. For the sake of my self-control, I got to my feet and stretched. Nick followed suit and I followed him to the kitchen.

"Do you want to watch a movie, or something? Maybe we can pop some popcorn?"

"Yeah, okay." He agreed. "Do you to get some beer from the fridge?"

"No offense, but I'd rather have anything _but _beer."

"There should be some sodas on the second shelf, if you want one of those. Was your outing with Olivia that bad?"

"Let's just thank our lucky stars that she's a silly drunk and not a crying or violent one."

"I'll be sure to log that away."

As we got our snacks and drinks ready, our conversation changed to other things and before I knew it, we were back in front of the TV and once again talking and eating, but not paying attention to what was on the screen. At some point, I started getting even sleepier than I had been earlier.

"Tired, Amanda?"

I nodded. "But I really don't want to move."

"You don't have to. Let me take your things while you put your feet up."

He took the popcorn bowl from me and set it on the coffee table while I stretched my legs and leaned against him. Reaching over to what I guess was a storage bin under the couch, he pulled out a big warm blanket and spread it over me. My eyelids got heavier immediately.

"What if I fall asleep?"

"Don't worry about it, Amanda. Just rest."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely. Close your eyes now."

I did as I was told, and two minutes later, I was drifting off into Dreamland.


	5. Zara

_6:30 AM_

* * *

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was that we were still on the couch, but I had somehow fallen asleep with my arms around his waist. Nick's arm was draped across my back, like he'd been holding me in the night and the fact that he'd been that protective of me even in slumber made my heart overflow with warmth, but at the same time, I was mortified that I let myself get into this position. Taking great care not to wake him up, I extracted myself from his grasp and stood up.

Just as I was about to back away, Nick suddenly mumbled my name in his sleep and hugged a pillow close to his body. He stretched out to his full length on the couch and hugged the pillow even closer. The biggest grin was on his face, and the weirdest part was that he was fast asleep the whole time.

* * *

Did I just see what I think I saw?

It would be so easy to curl up with him again and sleep for a few more hours…

No.

I should go for my jog. That's a better and more sensible idea.

(But what if Nick loves me?)

A jog will help me clear my head.

But I should at least leave a note so he doesn't worry.

I wonder where he keeps printer paper…

* * *

It was just after seven forty-five when I made it back to Nick's place and when I went inside, I found him making breakfast in the kitchen. All he did was look at me, and my heart actually flip-flopped.

"Good to see you awake, Nick. Sleep well?"

"I did, thanks." His smiled bashfully. "Were you comfortable with your arms around my waist? I was."

For the millionth time in twenty-four hours, I was blushing. "Sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it, Amanda. When I saw you like that, I pulled you closer so you didn't slide off the couch, and then I fell asleep again."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "So you liked it?"

"Very much." He looked back at the food he was tending on the stove. "I hope you like sausage and scrambled eggs with your pancakes because they'll be ready soon."

My mouth ran dry. Pancakes? It's not as if we slept together.

No, wait… technically we did.

UGH! WHY DO THINGS HAVE TO BE SO COMPLICATED?

"Amanda, are you okay?"

I jumped. "What? Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." This time I gave him a real smile. "I'll be better after I take a shower."

* * *

After my shower, I was just sitting down to breakfast when I got a text from Olivia.

_'WTF happened last night? I just woke up with my street clothes and shoes still on. There was also a note from you, a glass of water and two aspirin tablets on my bedside table.' _

_'You were drunk off your ass last night,' _I typed back. _'And you are the silliest drunk I've ever seen. Did you take your aspirin yet?' _

_'Yes, but how did I get home?' _

_'I came when you called me and saw that you got home ;) Do you remember anything?' _

_'No, but I'm sure it'll come back. I also feel like I should break up with Brian.' _

_'Just follow your heart, Liv.' _

_'I will, and thanks for coming to get me :) I owe you.' _

_'You don't owe me anything, but I'm glad I could help.' _

My stomach rumbled, so I set my phone down just as Nick started laying out a spread of pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon, complete with a tall pitcher of orange juice and a mini pitcher of maple syrup.

"Wow, Nick; this looks great! Thanks!"

He shrugged and started to pile food onto his plate. "I figured I might make a proper breakfast while we have time to enjoy one."

"Sounds like a good idea." I started piling food on my own plate. "How much food did you make?"

"Enough for Zara to have leftovers when she gets here. She's a great kid, but she's only six and can get hungry and squirrelly."

"Who's bringing her?"

"One of Maria's colleagues is bringing her down here on the train." He answered scathingly. "The thought of Zara with a stranger—even if she's Maria's stateside commanding officer—just makes my blood boil. Maria has been out of the picture for so much of Zara's life because she was in combat, and once again, she's choosing the Army over her own child."

Nick's anger was evident because his hand was shaking so much that he couldn't hold his fork the correct way. I reached across the table and steadied his hand with one of mine.

"It's perfectly okay to stew for a little while, and I completely understand how shocked Zara will probably be because my folks divorced when Kim was a newborn and I was five. However, it won't be a good idea to stew _all _day because we still need to get ready for Zara's arrival."

"Even after what you told me about baby Olivia, you want to help?"

"Of course! I won't be replacing Zara's mother, but I'll be here, won't I? Someone has to have your back!"

"Well, I'm glad it's you."

I blushed yet again and started eating my food before it got cold as I pushed back my memories of single parenthood.

Nick seemed to realize that I was talking about something I wasn't ready to share because he didn't push the subject, instead talking about elementary school enrollment for Zara and other such things.

I decided to make Zara's bed and straightened up her bedroom, even though she hadn't been there in months. It was as I was cleaning that I heard the front door open, signaling the arrival of the newcomers. My heart started beating double time.

* * *

Get yourself together, Amanda McLaine.

She's just a little girl in need of a friend.

Yes, your baby girl would be a few months younger than Zara is now, but this is different.

…She's also the daughter of the guy you have a crush on…

UGH! AGAIN WITH THE COMPLICATED FEELINGS!

Focus, Amanda.

One foot in front of the other, that's all it is.

(But what if Nick loves you?)

FOCUS.

* * *

Just like I'd predicted, Zara was in shock.

Dressed in a dark blue tutu dress that brought out her tan skin, along with a cream colored cardigan, matching tights and sparkly blue Ugg boots, she looked like a living doll. Zara's long brown hair was done up in a French braid, allowing me to see her big beautiful brown eyes, but my heart broke when I saw how blank and dull they looked.

"Hi, sweet Zara." I knelt down in front of her. "How are you doing?"

She shrugged. "You're super pretty. What's your name?"

"Amanda."

"Are you my daddy's girlfriend?"

Should have seen this coming…

"No, sweetie, I'm not."

"So I don't have to call you mama, or something?"

"No, you don't. If you want, you can call me Mandy."

Zara brightened. "Okay, Mandy. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure!"

"Do you live with my daddy?"

"Yes, but it's only for awhile."

"You don't know how long yet?"

"No."

"What if it turns into for forever?"

Even though her question was completely innocent, it threw me for a loop, but I kept my cool.

"If it turns into forever, then it'll be great fun!"

I was rewarded with a smile and Zara actually slid off the couch and slung an arm around my shoulders. Wow. She's really comfortable with me.

"Mandy, is there a baby in your tummy?"

"No, but maybe one day there will be."

Zara was quiet for a minute, mulling my answers over, just like I do during interrogations.

"I like you, Mandy, and I'm glad that you don't have a baby in your tummy or that I don't have to call you mama because I _don't_ need a new mama _or _a new brother or sister."

"Trust me, Zara, you don't have to worry about that."

She gave me an affectionate hug. "Maybe until there's a baby in your tummy for real, _I _could be your baby!"

Heaven help me. This child is melting my heart.

"That's very sweet of you; thanks!"

The little girl grinned. "By the way, Spock thinks you're cool."

"Excuse me? Who or what is a Spock?"

"He's _my _baby," She pointed towards the dining table. "And he's over there."

I looked in the direction she was pointing towards and saw a huge glass tank filled with different plants, and a food and water tray. In middle of the tank was what looked like a huge climbing log, and over in the far left corner was a rock formation that included a cave. I couldn't help but let out a small shriek as a creature darted out from the cave and climbed up onto the log.

"Spock is my bearded dragon, and he was a birthday present! I talk to him a lot since I don't have any friends…"

Zara's face fell, and I held her hand to comfort her. She held on tight.

"I'm sure you'll make friends in due time, little darling."

_"If _I make a friend, he has to have a bearded dragon, too." She huffed. "He also has to like Star Trek as much as me!"

"Zara, you're six and you're a Trekker? Most kids your age like Arthur and Sesame Street."

"Star Trek is cooler, though." She reasoned. "Mandy, I even have a Spock action figure!"

Zara reached into her backpack on the couch and after a moment of rummaging around, she pulled out an action figure of the iconic Vulcan and put it in my hands.

"Here! You can hold _that _Spock while daddy and I put _my _Spock's tank in my room! Come on!"

And with that, Zara was already skipping out of the room towards the hallway, leaving me to stare after her in wonder.

Oh, Lord. What have I gotten myself into?


	6. Rainy Nights

_Sunday, April 20 _

_Six days later, 8:37 PM_

_Apartment of Nick Amaro_

* * *

The rest of the week flew by, but it was eventually time to get ready for work and school. Speaking of the latter, Zara was very anxious about starting at a new one, so her grandmother—Nick's mother, Adele—took her shopping for clothes and supplies, and also promised to buy dinner for Zara so we wouldn't have to worry about her for a few hours.

They're due back at any moment, but Nick is in the shower.

While we'd been cooking dinner for ourselves, we'd been in close proximity because his kitchen is tiny, anyway, but also because we made a dish that required us to work side-by-side at the stove at the same time. The atmosphere literally became so steamy from the stove heat that we were down to our tank tops and jeans, and when dinner was over, Nick hightailed it out of the dining room very quickly.

I can't believe that Nick thinks I don't know that I'm the reason he had a serious hard-on… Is it strange I find that amusing?

At any rate, I began cleaning up while keeping an eye out for Adele and Zara. I'd met Adele briefly when she came by to collect Zara earlier, so why am I so nervous now?

Oh, wait, that's right—of the two whole times Adele and I will have been in the same room together, this will be the first time that Nick won't be there. If I'm not Nick's wife, fiancée, girlfriend or even Zara's mother, then what _does _that make me? And what's up with the butterflies in my stomach?

It's just Nick's mother, for crying out loud!

Nick, though.

I won't deny that I have a major crush on him and that I hope he'll return the feelings one day.

…I also won't deny that I had a very vivid dream about Nick last night…

Get yourself together, Amanda McLaine. FOCUS.

* * *

Adele let herself in just as I came out from the kitchen but Zara entered first, sleepy and zombie-like. When she saw me, she wrapped her arms around my waist in a hug and used my stomach as a pillow as I greeted her.

"Hey, little darling! Did you have fun with abuelita?"

"Uh-huh, but I'm super sleepy, Mandy."

"That's okay. Why don't you go crash on the couch?"

"Okay…"

The little girl half stumbled her way across the room before I turned back to Adele and saw that she was putting away the shopping bags and coat.

"Amanda, where is Nick?"

"In the shower. Do you need him?"

"No, mija. You're actually the one I'd like to talk to."

I was taken aback but led her to the living room and she took the big armchair adjacent to the couch because by now, Zara was totally sprawled out like a starfish. Sitting down by her, I freed her of her shoes and coat, but had to move quickly to catch her when she flopped back down, more than halfway asleep.

"Mandy, shhh…"

Zara yawned and rested her head on my chest as I stretched out on the couch and pulled a blanket over us.

"I just want to hear your heartbeat…"

The little girl gave another yawn and just like that, she was out cold in the blink of an eye.

When I looked back at Adele, she was giving me a fond smile. "Zara really, really adores you. Today she told me that more than anything, she wants to be a detective just like you and her daddy when she grows up because she wants both of you to be proud of her."

"How in the world did she learn to be so sweet?"

"Some questions are just better left unanswered, but I _am _curious—why are you staying with Nick?"

"To make a long story short, I got into a bad fight with my younger sister about a case we were involved in, and she got revenge by robbing me of just about everything I owned, except for the clothes on my back, the shoes on my feet and my service weapon."

"How awful! Why would she do something like that?"

"To spite me." my tone was full of disdain, but it was justified. "I stayed with my partner for awhile, but then I moved into a motel room, and I was there until last week when I came close to being evicted."

"And my son came to your rescue at the right time?"

"Totally; his timing was a miracle, and his care and concern were enough to melt my heart. Never in my life have I ever been so thankful for any one person… Nick saved me…"

"That's a lovely compliment for a mother to hear about her only child." Adele smiled warmly. "Now I can finally ask the fun stuff!"

"Oh?"

"Where are you from?"

"I was born in Loganville, Georgia, but I moved to Atlanta to join the Police Academy there because it was more elite. I moved up here two years ago from the Atlanta PD to join the SVU."

"What do your parents think?"

"I wouldn't know because one of them died in jail when I was eight, and the other is still there with zero chance of parole in this lifetime."

"I'm so sorry to hear that."

"Don't be; I'm indifferent about it because my childhood was very dysfunctional. Ask me something else."

"Do you want a child of your own someday?"

"Yes, and Lord willing, I'll have one or two more. Zara is good enough right now, but I'd love to be pregnant again.

"Does Nick know you've been pregnant before?"

I nodded. "I had a baby girl named Olivia, but she passed away in her sleep from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome when she was four months old. Please don't tell Nick; I'm not ready for him to know yet."

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Amanda, and I promise I won't tell, but I'll say an extra prayer for Olivia tonight and I'll also be sure to light an extra prayer for her during Mass, too."

"That's very sweet of you, thanks."

"You're quite welcome," she told me. "And there's one more thing I must ask."

"Yes?"

"Do you care about my son and my granddaughter?"

My answer was heartfelt. "I care a great deal about both of them and their well-being, too. Nick isn't my work partner, but he and the whole squad have stuck their necks out for me twice. I'd do anything for any of them, starting with your son."

"What about Zara?"

I kissed the little girl on the top of her head and turned to goo when she snuggled closer and smiled in her sleep.

"Zara's been in my life just for a week, and she brings me so much joy, Adele. I'll fight for her if she ever gets in trouble because I can't keep from feeling protective of her or even feeling some kind of parental affection for her. Zara is a treasure and Nick lights up my life."

"Take extra good care of them. They're all I have left, mija."

"I promise I will because I care about them too much to let them get hurt. They're both still healing from the divorce, and I wouldn't dream of dragging a stick through the mud or tearing open any wounds. I want them both to be happy."

"That's what I want to hear," She gave me another warm smile. "And if you ever need anything or even a mother to cry to, don't hesitate to call me."

Adele stood and first kissed Zara on the forehead, and then me. My poor heart flip-flopped at that because my own mother had never done anything like that with me when I was a kid.

Nick entered the room at that moment, fully dressed now and greeted his mother. The two of them conversed in Spanish for a minute before Adele bid me a final goodbye and let Nick show her out.

When he came back, he sat down at the far end of the couch and put my feet up in his lap.

"I can take Zara now. You don't have to hold her."

"But I _want _to, Nick. It's been too long since I've held a sleeping child and I wish I could've known Zara when she was littler than this."

I blushed because my words came out before I could stop them, but my friend just smiled at me.

"Zara was as delightful as a baby as she is now."

I smiled back, but we fell into a comfortable silence for which the only real background sound was rain. Why have so many important things happened for Nick and I on rainy nights? Maybe this is God's way of sending us a sign. But for what?

"You know, Zara said something before she fell asleep that melted my heart."

Nick was curious. "What was that?"

"She said she wanted to hear my heartbeat. Is it alright if I hold her for a little bit longer?"

"Of course." He paused, listening to the rain. "Imagine that—it's raining again, and it sounds beautiful. I wonder if God is trying to send us a sign for something?"

(Is Nick Amaro a mind reader? This is kind of eeky how in sync we are…)

"Only time will tell."

He nodded in agreement and we fell into a comfortable silence again.

The only sound was the rain.


	7. Changing Tides

_Next morning, 8:30 AM _

_Sixteenth precinct _

* * *

I helped Nick get Zara ready for her first day of school, and I even tagged along to drop Zara off at her classroom. By the time Nick and I got to the precinct, we were in the squad room for only five minutes when I was intercepted by Fin.

* * *

"I am _so _glad you're back!"

"Munch's jokes are that bad?" I laughed.

"I can handle those, no problem. It's actually about Olivia—something is up with her, and we're hoping she'll talk to you."

"I'll go check on her."

Crossing the room, I sat on the edge of Olivia's desk and she gave me a halfhearted smile.

"Did you know about my fight with Brian? Some of our girl's night out is coming back now."

"You told me a lot that night."

"I was going to end it with him last night, but he told me that he's accepted a transfer to the LAPD in California. He asked me to come with him, and then he proposed!"

"What did you say?"

"I declined, and _then _I broke up with him, but still… that was my second marriage proposal."

"Your _second?" _I echoed in surprise. "When was your first? I wish someone would give _me _a ring…"

"The first proposal was almost another lifetime ago. I don't regret the break up with Brian or even turning him down, but my heart hurts now."

I softened up. "Whatever you need, Olivia, I'm here for you."

She gave me a real smile this time, but our moment was ruined when Nick suddenly appeared with Munch and Fin in tow. Nick's tone was almost begging.

"Amanda, will you help me clear some things up with the guys? They got bored while we were gone."

"For the record—I did nothing to encourage this!" Olivia quickly tacked on. "It's mostly Munch this time."

"Well?" I crossed my arms and looked at Munch seriously. "Start talking."

"Why did you and Amaro both take time off together? Did you two decide to live dangerously and marry?"

Fin swatted him on the head. "And _I _told _you _that Amaro is _already _married, so he wouldn't go out and elope!"

"Elope?" a new voice asked. "Who eloped?"

Looking up, we saw Melinda approaching and looking very interested.

"Where'd you come from?"

"And aren't you a bright ray of sunshine this morning?" she teased me. "I had a report to drop off to Cragen, and now I have some time before I need to back to the morgue. What's this about eloping?"

"Nothing!" I cried. "Much thinks that just because Nick and I took time off at the same time, we ran off and eloped!"

Melinda rolled her eyes. "And I'll take your tone as a no."

"Yes," I nodded. "Exactly."

"It's too early for cryptic answers." Olivia groaned as she took a sip of her coffee.

"To save Olivia some sanity, Nick and I will clear some things up, so I hope you all are listening."

Our friends looked at us expectantly, so we explained about my near eviction and Nick's offer to let me stay with him.

"So you see," Nick finished. "Zero funny business."

"Your wife doesn't mind that Amanda is there?" Olivia inquired.

"Maria filed for divorce and sent the papers from her stateside lawyer's office. I signed them and sent them back already, so I'm a new divorcee and Maria is in Japan as we speak because she accepted a transfer."

"What about Zara?"

"I was given full custody, and she's back in Manhattan now. She was in shock at first and would barely even talk to me, but I think Amanda's being there has helped Zara out a ton."

I couldn't keep from turning a brilliant shade of scarlet.

"Hey, wait." Olivia held up her hands in the 'time out' position and then looked at me. "So if this happened after I called to invite you to the bar and I asked you if you were home at the time, does this mean that you were at Nick's place when you said yes?"

I nodded and when I saw the sly grin on her face, I picked up a bagel slice on a plate near her elbow. Just as began saying something else, I shoved the bagel slice into her mouth.

"Stuff it, Olivia."

This is going to be a long day.

* * *

_5:45 PM _

* * *

Our day long but very slow at the same time because we didn't catch a single case at all, but that left plenty of time for Nick and I to talk with Captain Cragen about being able to go home at a decent hour so we could get Zara from her after school program. The captain kindly agreed, and we left his office happily.

Around six o'clock, we were all starting to go stir crazy—although we did enjoy Melinda's company when she came back for a visit—but after we all forked over some cash, Fin placed an order to the Chinese takeout restaurant around the corner from the precinct.

As he and I divvied up the cartons and chopsticks between everybody, I looked up when Olivia gave a small cry of surprise.

Her cause was warranted because none other than District Attorneys Alexandra Cabot and Casey Novak were walking into the room. Neither of them are total strangers to the squad, but given their standings, it's quite rare that we see either of them together at all.

What was even more surprising was that a blonde-haired school aged boy, half asleep, was leaning against Alex and holding her hand. He was wearing a school uniform with the same crest on the blazer as the one I'd all but wrestled Zara into this morning. I was intrigued by the boy, but still more enticed by the sudden appearance of the two attorneys.

"Any room for three more?" Alex asked cheerfully. "We're only going to stay for a little bit."

Nick and Much immediately found three more chairs for the newcomers, and as they got situated, Captain Cragen asked the first question.

"Councilors, what brings you two to our humble abode?"

"There's been a change in the ranks, over at the DA building and we want to give it you straight."

"We're all ears." I chirped.

"Michael Cutter is no longer the Bureau Chief Assistant District Attorney because he accepted a transfer to Albany, and he left yesterday."

"If he's gone, doesn't that mean Barba takes his position?" Nick wanted to know. "Lawyer politics and rank is very confusing."

"You're telling me." Casey muttered. "I've been studying law my entire adult life, and I still get confused sometimes. Barba was presented with a transfer to Omaha, and he also left yesterday."

The light of dawning comprehension hit Melinda first. "If Cutter and Barba are both gone, that means you two are taking over their positions, doesn't it?"

"Bingo." Alex grinned. "As of today, I'm your new Bureau Chief Assistant District Attorney, and I'll be overseeing all of the SVU cases out of this precinct from now on. I'm only one step short from ruling the roost as the Executive Bureau Chief Assistant District Attorney, but I'm happy with where I am."

Satisfied by that answer, we all turned to Casey.

"And I've been promoted to permanent Assistant District Attorney, so I'll be trying all of the cases from your squad. You're all stuck with Alex and me from now on."

_"Good." _Olivia huffed. "Your jobs have been jinxed since Alex's assassination attempt and your departure during the Chester Lake debacle. I'm so happy that my best friends are back to stay."

Casey and Alex had both turned bright red at Olivia's words, and I took advantage of this, nodding towards the little boy who had fallen asleep on Alex's lap."

"Who's this little guy, Alex?"

"He's my nephew, Alexander, and he just turned six in early March."

Olivia raised her eyebrows at this. "Your nephew? Alexandra Cabot, twelve years of being friends, and you've never mentioned siblings!"

"To be fair, I didn't know about my younger sister Sarahjane until she was on her deathbed and dying of terminal cancer. She contacted us and asked if we'd adopt Xander."

"Excuse me? 'Us'?"

The attorneys blushed again and I snickered, thoroughly amused by the conversation.

"Us, as in Casey and I are newlyweds." The blond clarified, waving the fingers on her right hand to show off a ring. "We eloped, and were finally able to get our wedding rings this morning."

"What?" Olivia was flabbergasted. "I always knew that you two would end up together, but when did you two find time to do this?"

"It only happened last week, to help expedite Xander's adoption." Casey told her. "We've been together for five years, but we kept things on the down low because my disbarment, Alex's time in Witness Protection and then her trip to the Congo. Everything is finally good now."

(Not for the first time, I wondered what the squad had been like during Alex's and Casey's years)

"Under normal circumstances, most couples have an engagement period, but we didn't feel it was necessary because it would've put our private lives in the spotlight while we sorted some things out."

"Like what?"

Casey glanced over at her wife. "Do you want to tell them, babe?"

Alex looked fit to burst with joy. "It's taken longer than we'd like, but Casey and I are both pregnant—Olivia? What's wrong?"

The older woman was now doing her best to not cry.

"All in one sitting, I find out that my best friends finally married each other, came home for good and are now starting a family. I've just had a really crappy forty-eight hours, and this is turning everything around, so I can't keep from getting gushy right now!"

"Use these, Liv." I passed her a stack of unused napkins. "It's okay to cry."

Captain Cragen cleared his throat. "While we're on the topic of good news, does anyone else have something to share with the family?"

All eyes immediately moved to Fin and Melinda.

"What makes you think it's us?" protested Fin.

"Because it just is!" Olivia sniffed, blowing her nose.

"And process of elimination." Munch peered over his glasses at Fin. "Spill."

Melinda spoke first. "I was promoted to Chief Medical Examiner this morning, and now my full name and title is Chief Medical Examiner Doctor Melinda Fable Tutuola."

Her words were followed by a stunned silence, but I took the reigns first. "Congrats, but you two also eloped?"

Melinda nodded eagerly and showed us her new ring. "I'm not wearing this just for show, you know."

Fin picked up his wife's hand and kissed it. "We have our own reasons for also keeping on the DL, but we've been married for almost three months now."

As I joined the others in congratulating the other newlywed couple in the room, Olivia abruptly stood and walked out. I found her crying in the stairway leading up to the roof and just held her in my arms.

"What's the matter?" I cooed. "You can tell me."

"Everyone is getting their happy endings! I don't know if I should feel happy or jealous because I've spent more these you all are the people who have become my family over the past fourteen years because I don't have anyone else! What am I supposed to do now? Amanda, I'm terrified of ending up alone…"

I didn't have an answer, so I just let her cry out until she felt better, and once she reassured me that she'd be fine, I headed back towards the kitchen so I could my dinner.

I was also thinking about how much I wanted to hold Zara and shower her with hugs and kisses.

That's why I didn't notice until it was too late that I had walked smack dab into Elliot Stabler.


	8. Whoa

I knew it was Elliot right away because Olivia has a framed photo of the two of them on her desk, and when he smiled at me, I suddenly understood why Olivia practically goes weak in the knees whenever he's brought up.

Elliot Stabler is no Nick Amaro, but he's _very _handsome.

(…Oh, my God! Did I really just think that?)

* * *

Elliot recognized me right away.

"Hi! I'm Elliot Stabler, and you must be Amanda Rollins, the other person from Liv's drunk dial, the one trying to get her to put the phone down."

"Yeah, that'd be me, but I was able to get her home safely. "

"Thanks!" Elliot scanned the mostly empty bullpen. "Where is everybody?"

"Are you looking for Olivia?"

He nodded. "I came to see her because I need to owe her a big explanation."

"She was on the stairs, but—"

My words were drowned out by Olivia's angry tones as she walked into the room and caught sight of her ex-partner.

"ELLIOT URIAH STABLER, WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS, AND HOW DARE YOU JUST WALTZ IN HERE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED?"

"I got your drunk dial—"

"NO, THAT'S NOT A GOOD ENOUGH EXCUSE RIGHT NOW!"

Since they were making a scene, people were already gathering to watch it play out. Nick pulled me out of the line of fire and we stood with the Captain, Munch, Fin, Melinda, Casey and Alex, all of whom were equal parts amazed and amused by what was happening. For the second time in a night, I felt a little like an outsider, but I continued to watch Elliot try to defend himself.

"Olivia, I'm so sorry that I never said goodbye to you. That was wrong."

"DAMN FUCKING STRAIGHT!"

"I lost myself—"

"NO! YOU CAN'T SAY THAT, EITHER, ELLIOT! WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER PICK UP WHEN I CALLED YOU? WE WERE PARTNERS FOR TWELVE WHOLE FUCKING YEARS, REMEMBER? IT WAS LIKE WE WERE MARRIED, SO WHAT MAKES YOU THINK IT'S ACCEPTABLE TO NOT EVEN TRY TO PICK UP YOUR PHONE? DO YOU KNOW HOW BADLY YOU BROKE MY H—"

Olivia's rant was cut off in mid-sentence because it was I was sure to be a very big leap of courage, Elliot walked to her, held her in his arms and gave her an extremely passionate kiss full on the lips. The best part is that it totally took her by surprise, but she kissed him back, obviously egged on by the loud clapping and cheering. When the former partners pulled apart, they had eyes only for each other and neither of them said anything as Olivia pulled him towards the stairs leading up to the cribs.

During the immediate buzz that followed their departure, Nick turned to me.

"You ready to go get Zara?"

"Absolutely!"

"And I'm not the only one between the two of us who felt like an outsider, watching what just happened, are you?"

"Not at all. Now let's go get Zara because I really want to hug her."

* * *

Zara had had a field day at school, and when we got back to the apartment, she kept talking but neither Nick nor I tried to stop her because this was the most animated we'd seen her since she came back to Manhattan.

"Guess what the best part of my day was, besides getting all my homework done at school?"

"Do tell." I encouraged.

"Mandy, I made _friends!" _

"That's awesome! Do you remember their names?"

"Eli Stabler, but his class is around the corner from mine. There's also Esther Carmichael-Southerlyn, and Maksim and Imogen Langan. They're twins!"

I raised my eyebrows as I recognized all of those last names because it meant that I know most of the parents of Zara's buddies by reputation.

But wait—Zara mentioned Stabler, Carmichael, Southerlyn and Langan. Two names are still missing.

"Little darling, do any of your classmates have the last name Cabot or Novak?"

Zara dissolved into giggles immediately. "Yep! Xander Cabot-Novak was my buddy all day today, and he had to go home early because he had an icky tummy. Maybe I'll make him a get well card…"

"Good call."

She smiled as she remembered a new fact. "Xander has the exact same birthday as me, he loves to watch Star Trek, _and _he has a bearded dragon named Kirk, just like how I have my Spock! I think me and Xander are gonna get married when we're grown-ups. Will you do my hair at my wedding?"

(Excuse me while I mop up the puddle of goo that is my heart)

"Of course I will, Zara-girl."

She grinned and squeezed my hands.

"Know what else? My Xander lives with his aunties now, and _both _of them have babies in their tummies!" Ever so gently, Zara touched a hand to my stomach. "Is there a baby in _your _tummy yet?"

"Sorry, but no."

"But I really want to be a big sister, Mandy…" she pouted.

"Maybe one day."

Not ready to give up hope, Zara looked to Nick.

"Daddy, maybe one day, could you help Mandy to say yes that there's a baby in her tummy?"

How Nick didn't lose his composure and start flustering at that question was beyond me.

"We'll see, Zara. Why don't you tell Amanda good night, and I'll meet you in your room to help you get ready for bed?"

The little girl tilted forward from where she was perched on my pelvis and gave me a hug and a peck on the forehead as I lay stretched out on the couch with my back propped up on pillows.

"Good night, Mandy. I love you so much."

I hugged her back. "Zara, I love you, too. Sleep well."

When she was out of sight, Nick looked at me from his end of the couch where all this time he'd been rubbing my bare feet just because I'd mentioned that they were sore. Nick wouldn't take no for answer and I'd melted into his touch immediately, but now his mind was clearly on other things besides relieving the tension in my feet.

"Amanda, I'm so sorry that she keeps asking for a sibling."

"It's okay, Nick; honest." (Despite that, I ran a hand over my stomach wistfully) "It'll happen one day, and she'll be over the moon."

"I think she asks you because she accidentally overheard a fight where Maria made it clear that she didn't want any more kids, and she was convinced I was bringing it up as a marriage-saving tactic… it was actually becuase I really want at least two more kids.

"I'm sure it'll happen one day, and like I said—Zara will be over the moon when it does. In the meantime, though, I think she's trying to play matchmaker."

Nick gently set my feet back down on the couch, stood and did a very surprising thing—he gave me an actual kiss on the cheek!

"I don't mind Zara playing matchmaker at all."

* * *

That night, I dreamed of being married and pregnant, but never happier.


	9. Something Beautiful

_Friday, May 24 _

_Five weeks later _

_5:30 PM, Sixteenth Precinct _

* * *

In the aftermath of Elliot Stabler's arrival, Olivia took some time off, asking not to be contacted about any work-related business because she was actually going on vacation. She didn't say where she was going, so we just let the sleeping dogs lie.

But she's due back tomorrow.

I have that thought to keep me distracted, which is a good thing because I _really _need the distraction.

Today is my darling daughter's birthday. She'd be six.

How I even got out of bed this morning and then made it this far through the day without breaking down into tears at the sight of a child is anybody's guess.

* * *

"Hey, Amanda!"

I jumped, having been startled out of my thoughts and saw Olivia sitting in the chair next to my desk with a green gift bag in her lap. My friend was dressed casually, like she'd been running errands all day, but I'd never seen her looking so peaceful.

"Hi, Liv! How was your vacation? Where'd you go?"

"In a word, my vacation was wonderful, and as for where I've been, this will answer your question."

She picked up the bag and set it on my desk. When I saw the name of the store written on the front in fancy gold lettering, I was very surprised—it was from the world famous and notoriously expensive department store, Harrods. I've always wanted to go, but it's not even in this country…

"Hold the phone—you were in _London?" _

"Paris, too."

Reaching inside the bag, I pulled out a small decorative cardboard box about the same length and weight of my phone. I undid the flaps and a pulled out a beautiful pewter statuette of the London Eye, the huge Ferris wheel that sits on the South Bank of the River Thames in London.

"Oh, Olivia, this is beautiful! Thank you!"

"You're welcome." She grinned. "You have another present in the box."

This one turned out to be from Harrods Paris, which is just as famous as the one in London and the gift inside turned out be another pewter statuette, but of the Eiffel Tower. I admired it for a minute and set it beside the first figurine.

"These are thank you gifts for being there for me, starting with the night at the bar." Olivia explained. "I was going to give them to you when I come in tomorrow, but when I sent Nick a text to tell him that I was back, he told me that you needed some cheering up. He didn't say why, th—"

Olivia didn't finish because I was already on my feet and hoisting her up into a hug. Not saying a word, she reciprocated and when we pulled apart, I spoke softly.

"I want to show you something, but not here. Come on."

Leaving the bullpen amidst the whispers of our colleagues, we headed up the stairs leading to the roof and stopped on the landing that was just out sight. I pulled up the lower left section of my shirt to expose that area of my stomach because I wanted Olivia to see my tattoo.

It was a pink baby footprint.

"Six years ago today, I gave birth to a baby girl named Olivia Grace. That darling child was my whole world, and more than anything, she loved being held and kissed."

In a subconscious move, Olivia rested a hand on her midriff but said nothing.

"My daughter died in her sleep from SIDS when she was four months old, and I got the tattoo as a way to remember her."

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Amanda."

"Thanks." I smoothed my shirt back out. "Nick was right about the needing cheering up, but you coming back earlier definitely helped. The statuettes were a bonus."

"I'm glad I could help."

She bounced slightly on the balls of her feet, looking like the cat that ate the canary.

"Want to hear something else?"

"Of course!"

"I went to London and Paris because I was on my honeymoon."

I blinked in surprise. "Beg pardon, Liv? Your honeymoon? You're married now?"

"You got it." She held out her right hand to show off a very beautiful and exquisite wedding ring. "I am now Olivia _Stabler." _

"This is wonderful news, Olivia; I'm so excited for you two!" Unable to contain my joy, I clapped my hands together. "First Melinda and Fin, then Alex and Casey, now you and Elliot. Who's next?"

"You and Nick." She answered without missing a beat.

"Olivia!" I whined. "Stop putting us together like that! We aren't fictional characters being paired together by some twenty-something fangirl writing fanfiction about us at her desk because this is real life!"

There was a beat of silence as Olivia raised her eyebrows. "You read fanfiction, Amanda?"

"Do _you?" _I challenged. "Only a fanfiction reader or author would really understand what I said."

"Whatever." She threw her hands up in the air. "I swear that the constant flirting you two do is a precursor for something beautiful because you and Nick will make very beautiful babies one day."

I blushed furiously, not wanting to admit that I've imagined more than once what a child of mine and Nick's would look like.

"The way everyone around here is pairing off, it's going to be hard for Elliot and I to decide who gets to be godparents to our babies—damn it!"

She stomped her foot in frustration at the exact same time I realized what she meant.

"You're pregnant?"

Olivia nodded. "Only five weeks. I was just at the doctor's office for a check-up, so that's how I found out."

"Does Elliot know?"

"Not yet. He had some business to take care of today but I'm going to go see him after this, meaning that you're the first to know. Please don't tell anyone."

"I promise I won't."

"Thanks. You're a good friend."

I smiled, but it faltered as I felt my heart grow heavy. Olivia noticed.

"Sweetie, are you going to be okay?"

I shrugged and glanced up towards the stairs leading to the roof. "If anyone asks, I'll be outside getting some air."

She stepped aside to let me go. The late afternoon air made me shiver, and even though it looked like rain, I was ready to go back inside yet. Wandering for a few feet, I came to rest against a nearby air vent.

The news of Olivia's pregnancy had been my tipping point, so all I could do was cry for my angel baby and how much I miss her.

* * *

To be honest, I don't know how long I was on the roof, but it was long enough to get soaked to the bone from the rain when it started.

* * *

"Amanda?"

"Amanda!"

"AMANDA!"

I looked up and saw Nick running towards me, a relieved expression on his face. In his relief, he pulled me to my feet and smoothed back my sopping wet hair.

"You've been up here for almost an hour, babe."

My eyes widened. "You called me babe…"

"I'm so sorry." He started backpedaling immediately. "It just slipped out because I was very worried, especially since it took me a minute to find you when I got up here."

"It's okay if you call me that, Nick. I like it, and it sounds nice."

He was now so relieved that he looked like could've melted right there in the downpour.

"A girl could get used to this," My voice was a purr as I stroked his face. "A big handsome and strapping fellow always coming to her aid. Thank you."

Nick brought my fingers to his lips and kissed them. I had to work hard to keep my legs from buckling.

"Amanda, I'm so glad you aren't hurt."

"But my _heart _hurts more than I can say." Taking his hand, I placed it over my heart so he could feel it. "Today is my daughter Olivia's birthday, but she passed away in her sleep from SIDS before she was even six months old!"

"She'd be six, right?"

"Yes, and I miss her so much…"

Nick kept his hand against my heart but placed the other one in the small of my back and pulled me close to him. The funny part was that I didn't this because it made feel wanted and loved.

"Is this why you and Zara have bonded so well? Because Olivia would be Zara's age?"

I just nodded.

"If you want some space, I can tell her to back off."

Now I was shaking my head. "No, Nick! Please no. I love Zara with my whole heart, like she came from my body and being with her makes my heart hurt a little less."

He was at a loss for words but again looked like he was about to melt.

"Anyone home? Nick?"

In response, he pulled me so that I was now completely flush with his body and I could feel _every _effect my touch was having on him.

Before I knew it, he was tightening his hold and placing his lips against mine in the most passionate kiss I'd felt in my entire life. I deepened the kiss and wrapped my arms around his neck for support because all that mattered in that moment was just the two of us.

There were no words to describe the warmth and bliss I was feeling.

And how about that?

Our first kiss was in the rain.


	10. Turn My Grief To Grace

When we pulled apart, I was a little dazed.

"Wow…"

"Wow, as in good?" Nick asked hopefully.

"Wow, as in oh my God, that was incredible!"

"Fantastic."

We traded kisses for a few moments before running back inside on account of the pouring rain.

* * *

When we got inside, Olivia and Fin were ready and waiting with towels, blankets and spare clothes.

"What happened?" Fin asked as he wrapped a towel around my shoulders and handed me another one to wring out my hair. "I was about to send out a search party for you two!"

Much to my amusement, Olivia flicked Fin on the ear.

"Shut up. Not everybody likes a busybody."

"Okay, fine." He huffed. "So much has been happening around here lately that it sets my teeth on edge."

"You're not the only one who feels that way." I told him. "What's the time?"

He checked his watch. "Five minutes after six."

"Perfect. Time to go home."

Ten minutes later, when we were in clean clothes and packing our things up, my iPad started lighting up because I had a new message. It turned out to be a video, and when I pressed play, Zara's cheerful face appeared on the screen.

"Hi, Mandy! Daddy told me on the phone that you're feeling down, so I decided to make you a cheer-up video because you make my heart smile all the time. Since you had a sad day, I just want to tell you that it's always gonna be okay because you're part of the Amaro family now and daddy says that in our family, love is the glue that holds us together."

Zara took her iPad from Adele, who was filming, and I saw nothing but the floor for a few seconds, but when the camera got straightened out, I saw that Spock the bearded dragon was looking at me through his tank, and it even looked like he was smiling. Zara spoke again, this time to her pet.

"Can you say hi to Mandy, Mister Spock? Tell her that everything is gonna be perfect because tomorrow is a brand new day, and when the day starts new again, your heart doesn't hurt so badl—ooo! Mandy, look! Spock is waving at you!"

Sure enough, the small spiked golden-brown creature was lifting its front right foot and moving it up and down in a waving motion. Zara fussed over her pet for a few seconds before turning the camera back to herself.

"Mandy, I love you forever, especially because you make daddy's heart smile so, so, _so _bright! (She blew a kiss to the camera) "I hope I make your heart smile, too, and I'll see you when you come home! Bye!"

The video ended, but I saved it and played it again.

* * *

When we got back to the apartment, I was holding Zara in my arms in no time flat.

"I got your cheer-up video." I kissed her forehead. "Thank you, so much."

"Did it make you feel tons better?"

"It really did, and it made my heart smile."

"Good. I'm sorry about your angel baby."

"Thanks, baby girl."

"Will you read to me tonight?"

I raised my eyebrows at her. "Did you do your homework and eat all the food abuelita put on your plate at dinnertime?"

"Yep!"

"Okay, sweet Zara." I set her down. "Give daddy a hug and go get ready for bed. Don't forget your hairbrush again because we don't want to misplace it like we did last night!"

"I won't forget, but are we gonna read another chapter of Matilda?"

"You bet! Now go ahead while we talk to abuelita!"

After hugging Nick, Adele and I, she hurried off.

* * *

Zara was ready and waiting for me when I got to her room five minutes later.

"I'm ready to read! Are you, Mandy?"

I nodded. "Now scooch over."

Giggling, she made room for me and after a little bit more of wiggling around, she settled herself in front of me and started flipping through the book to find where we'd left off last night while I undid her pigtails and started brushing out her hair.

"Mandy, could I start reading tonight? It's a big book, but I gotta practice."

"Of course, and I'll help you if you get stuck."

Zara read a surprising amount before falling asleep against me, just as she does most nights now, but tonight was different because I just knew that my angel baby in heaven had sent the darling child sleeping in my arms to turn my grief to grace.

* * *

After tucking Zara in and watching her sleep for a minute, I left her bedroom and just as I passed Nick's in the hallway, he reached out close to him.

"Amanda, I love you."

My heart turned over in surprise, but I still remembered how to talk.

"Nick, I love you, too."

"Let me treat you like the queen you are." He pinned me gently against the wall and began kissing me. "You deserve this."

I meant to sound serious, but it was hard when he had me sighing contently after every other word already.

"But you just dote on me so much that I don't want this to be a one-sided thing."

"Trust me, it's not because just you being here makes me happier and more _alive _than I've been in a very long time." He started moving down my jaw, nipping gently at it. "Let me return some of the kindness. Please."

"Okay…"

My voice trailed off not only because he started to caress every inch of me he could when I put his hands under his hands under my shirt, but also because I could feel his massive hard-on that had totally come out of nowhere. Although I was pleased that I could get this reaction from him so quickly, I became very distracted when he started peppering gentle kisses from my jaw down to the base of my neck, along my throat and back again. If I wasn't mistaken, that was his tongue I was feeling against my bare skin.

But enough playing around. If he can be like this, then so can I.

Before he knew what was happening, our positions were reversed with Nick being the one against the wall this time. I had him under a spell because he was watching my every move now, so I used this to my advantage and purposefully pressed my body against his. Just that alone had him letting out a few filthy Spanish curse words before he could speak in English again.

"Oh, my God…"

"There's way more where that came from, lover boy."

Just to mess with him, I started grinding slowly against him with slow deliberation, and without straying my eye contact.

"You're such a tease, Amanda." He groaned. "If you keep going, I don't know how long I'm going to last."

"I don't want you to come too soon, because I like to play for a little bit before I really show my true colors. Is it a good thing I aim to please?"

Nick let out another groan as I pressed a little harder against him.

"It's a _very _good thing."

Finally getting the upper hand, he flipped me around so that I was once again pinned against the wall and reduced to quivering sighs and moans as he returned to using his lips and tongue on me. This went on for a minute-and-a-half or so before he moved back. Disappointed, I made a pouty face at him.

"You're even more adorable when you pout," he laughed. "But at the risk of a certain someone waking up and being scarred for life, I suggest we finish this in the shower."

I held his hand. "Lead me."

* * *

We really went at it in the shower.

At one point, though…

"Nick, please don't make me wait anymore."

Gone was the seductress from the hallway, now replaced by me turning to putty in his arms.

"I need you inside me right now."

"Are you sure, Amanda?"

"I am completely sure."

As the warm water continued to cascade down our bodies, Nick had hoisted me up slightly and buried himself inside me, all the way up the hilt.

When he started moving in and out, I almost cried because it was in a very gentle and loving manner that I'd never felt from anyone else I've ever been with.

(Nick is my heart…)

"Go a little faster." I whispered into his ear. "Please."

"If I do, I'm not going to be able to stop my swimmers from escaping before I can pull out…"

"That's okay." I rested my head on his shoulder. "Please don't stop."

And so Nick picked up the pace.

I was at a loss for words because of how caught up in the moment I was and also because of superbly indescribable the bliss felt. To top it off, Nick was whispering sweet nothings into my ear the whole time.

At the moment of release, Nick gave one final thrust and emptied himself inside me.

Only one thought was going through my mind—I love Nick Amaro, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

* * *

Later, we when were both lying on the bed, Nick propped me up against the headboard and was now kissing every inch of my body, just exploring it. I couldn't help myself, but I started crying a little bit. Nick stopped what he was doing and sat up to dry my tears.

"What's the matter?"

"I can't remember the last time somebody was this gentle with me or even made me feel so loved! Even on the night I got pregnant, it was rough and then he just walked away…"

"Well, that guy was a jackass, wasn't he?"

Nick planted a kiss on my forehead.

"You are so beautiful, and so perfect, Amanda. I love you so much, and I'm going to do everything I can to show you what it's like to really be loved and to love yourself. You're my queen, and I'm going to treat you like one because that's what you deserve."

I suddenly became overwhelmed with emotion, so Nick wrapped both of us in the sheets and blankets as I cried.

Ever so patiently, he pulled me close to spoon.

"It's okay, babe, just breathe." He soothed. "All you have to do is breathe."

I focused on breathing in and out, in and out.

In and out.

"I love you, Nick. Don't ever leave me."

"Will you move in?"

I turned over to face him.

"Really?"

He nodded. "You practically live here now, Zara obviously loves you, and as for me, I like knowing you're nearby when I go to sleep at night and when I wake up in the morning."

"I love coming home to you and Zara." I admitted. "We're like a family, and nothing makes me happier."

"So does that mean you'll move in?"

I nodded and kissed him. "Yes."

"Does it mean we're a couple now?"

"Most definitely."

I felt a thrill in my stomach but started crying again.

"I'm sorry I keep crying." I muttered in embarrassment as I wiped my tears. "I don't even want to know what you think of that."

"Amanda, look at me."

I looked him straight in the eyes and saw him smiling kindly at me.

"I think the crying makes you more human. It's okay to cry." He pulled me into the spooning position again. "I'll hold you for as long as you need."

"Thank you, Nick. I love you."

Nick Amaro is my heart, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him because he's the only person to ever turn my grief to grace.


	11. Family Snapshot

_Next morning _

* * *

Before falling asleep, we changed into pajama-type clothes because we didn't want Zara to freak out if she accidentally walk in on us naked. It was a good call because when we woke up, we saw that she had snuck into our bed some time during the night.

"What are you doing here, Zara?" Nick pulled her in for a cuddle. "Don't you like having a bed to yourself?"

She sank into his arms, nodding. "Yeah, but I wanted to be with you and Mandy because I had a bad dream that mommy took me back to Japan. You aren't going to send me to there, are you?"

"Of course not, mija." Nick soothed. "You're going to stay with us, don't worry."

Zara turned to me. "Even when there's a baby in your tummy, am I still going to be yours?"

"You bet, but I don't want you to forget about the mommy whose tummy you grew in."

"I promise I won't, but you make me and daddy happy, _plus _you're home a lot more than mommy was, even when we were in Washington!"

She paused, giving me a look of utmost scrutiny.

"Mandy, how come you're wearing daddy's clothes?"

"I… uh…"

"Did you need pajamas?"

"Yes, I did." (Inwardlly, I breathed a sigh of relief at the bullet we'd just dodged) "I needed pajamas, and daddy gave me some of his. Now go get your cereal from the shelf in the kitchen, and we'll be out to help you in a few minutes. We don't want you to be late for school."

"I still have to go?" she groaned. "There's nobody at my table group because they're all sick!"

"Zara, there are four other kids at your table group. They can't _all _be sick."

"Hudson, Lourdes, Killian and Zooey all have chicken pox because that's what the teacher told us. I had the chicken pox on my birthday, but I barfed the whole time."

"And on that note, my tiny love, it's officially time for you to get breakfast!"

Giggling, Zara slid off the bed and left the room as I laid back down and sighed.

"We're going to have to tell her about us, you know."

"I do know, and we will. What about when she's done with school, like during dinner?"

"Sounds like a pl—what are you doing?"

While I'd been talking, he had pulled my shirt back and started kissing my stomach tenderly. Every bit of willpower I had went right out of the window as he carried on for a moment before he kissed his way up my body, ending with a passionate kiss on the lips.

"I was just thinking what you'd look like with a baby in there."

He kissed me and left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

He wants a baby as much as I do!

…Oh, my God!

* * *

_Later_

* * *

Thanks to the slew of regular open-and-shut cases we've been having lately, our day was done in practically the blink of an eye, and we were back home with Zara, sitting down to a dinner of parmesan chicken, Caesar salad and pink lemonade, all of her favorite things to eat.

My stomach kept doing all sorts of weird flips as I thought about how we were preparing to tell Zara some of the biggest news she's probably ever going to hear in her life. Poor Nick wasn't doing any better because as a result of a nervous habit, he started bouncing his leg up and down. Even when I put a hand on his thigh to steady him, the bouncing only slowed slightly.

Zara noticed our behavior and thought it was funny.

"You two are so silly! I wish all of our dinners could be like this forever and ever!"

"Actually, Zara," I began. "We have something to tell you."

"Okay!"

"How do you feel about me being daddy's girlfriend?"

She gave a dramatic intake of breath and then squealed happily, clapping her hands in delight.

"Oh, my gosh! I love that idea, Mandy, I do!"

Relief coursed through me and I could even feel Nick's body ease up a little. When Zara turned to Nick, she narrowed her eyes dangerously at him and so as not to ruin the moment for the six-year-old, I did everything I could not to laugh while she interrogated her father.

"Did you ask her to marry us?"

"I beg your pardon? 'Us'?"

"Well, when Mandy's wearing a wedding dress and she says that she's gonna be your heart for a thousand years, she's also gonna be marrying me because then she'll be my mama!"

Nick smiled. "I never thought about it like that before."

(Neither have I…)

_"Did _you ask her?"

"Not yet."

"Why?"

"Because I haven't found the right time yet."

(My stomach flipped over at that, and I pushed my plate away because I was afraid that I was going to throw up my food as the weight of that particular bombshell hit me. Nick and Zara didn't notice.)

"I hope you find the right time soon, and I have another question, daddy."

"I hope I have an answer."

"Does Mandy have a baby in her tummy?"

"No."

"Fine, but we _are _going to have to move at some point to a actual _house!" _

"Got plans that we don't know about?"

Zara finally lost her serious composure and laughed. "No, but when I _do _get a little brother or sister, they're going to need lots of room to play in! I'm just looking out for them right now…"

"You _really _want to be a big sister, huh?"

"Very much!"

I cleared my throat, and they both jumped.

"You'll be a big sister one day, sweet Zara, but for the time being, it's just the three of us. Are you cool with that?"

"I guess…"

She looked upset, so I hurried on before she could escalate.

"What about me being your daddy's girlfriend? Are you sure you're cool with that?"

She brightened up in a heartbeat. "Totally! Mandy, I think my heart could explode, I'm just so happy!"

My own heart turned to mush and I held my arms out to her. Taking this invitation, Zara got up from her chair and hugged me around my middle.

"I love you, and I'm so glad you're here!"


	12. Trouble Starts Brewing

_Some weeks later_

_Sixteenth Precinct, 9 AM_

* * *

After Nick and I dropped off Zara at her day camp, my stomach was rumbling, so I pulled out a snack I brought from home—a Nutella and olive sandwich cut into four squares, a small bunch grapes and a thermos of my favorite hot lemon tea. Okay, so I ate two hours ago, but today I'm just really hungry…

"And my appetite just took a nosedive out the window." Fin wrinkled his nose as he looked across his desk to mine at the peculiar food spread. "What the hell are you eating, Amanda? Is that Nutella and _olives?"_

"It is! Got a problem with it?"

"No, but those are just not two things I would normally put together, much less on a sandwich."

"I grew up a scavenger because there was never much food around for Kim and me to eat, okay? Putting Nutella together with olives is something I've been doing since I was like, five!"

Fin was rescued from having to respond because Olivia wandered by at that moment but stopped when she saw my sandwich. It's a bit comical the way she sniffs out food like it's on radar now, but given that she's fourteen weeks pregnant with twins, it just comes with the territory for her.

"Is that Nutella with olives?"

"Yep!"

Not wanting to offend the pregnant woman, I offered one of my sandwich squares.

"Would you like one, Liv?"

"Sure; thanks!"

She took the square and munched happily on it. Fin continued to be repulsed.

"Women…"

Later on in the day, when Fin and I were coming back from lunch, I spotted a young woman crying on a bench in the hallway, just a few feet away from our squad room. She was pale-skinned with bright blue eyes and long but scraggly blond hair that fell down to her shoulders and looked like it hadn't been taken care of in awhile. Even the messenger bag slung over her shoulder had a scraggy appearance. She was dressed appropriately for the sweltering July heat, minus the huge baggy hoodie she'd thrown over her t-shirt and shorts, both of which had clearly seen better days.

Obviously, something was going on with this woman that had reduced her to her current appearance, and the lackluster color of her skin and her tear-stained face put us on red alert immediately, but I approached her first.

"Ma'am? Do you need a doctor?"

The sadness I saw in her eyes broke my heart.

"I escaped, but they still took him out of me because I was bad! They took my Oscar! Why would they do that? Oscar still had a few more weeks to go…"

My stomach sank when I realized that this woman had been a victim of a baby trafficking ring, and it almost sickened me to realize that she had described her unborn son being taken from her womb somehow.

At the same time, I started having flashbacks to a similar case I'd worked once while still in Georgia, but quickly got back on topic because I didn't need those memories in my head.

"Ma'am, can you tell us your name, or the name of the people who took Oscar?"

Tears began falling down her face. "It was so dark and quiet… Please find the others!"

Before we could offer her a glass of water, her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she started shaking. Acting quickly, I lowered her onto the ground, removed her bag and kept her stable while Fin yelled in the direction of our squad room for someone to call for a bus. The young woman was in the full-blown stages of a seizure, but it was over quickly and by the time the paramedics arrived, she was alert enough to ask for me to ride with her, but the second we were aboard the ambulance, she passed right out.

* * *

_Saint Vincent's Hospital_

* * *

I wasn't able to get anything out of the victim after she fainted, so I let the paramedics do their thing and by the time we got to the hospital, I learned that she had a partially delivered placenta that required emergency surgery for removal. I stayed behind in the waiting area to wait for updates and for Fin to find me. Realizing that I still had the young woman's messenger bag, I opened it, hoping to find something that would give me a clue about her identity.

Curiously, the only thing inside the bag was an iPad, and after flipping through the different apps on the home screen, I hit pay dirt when I found an In Case of Emergency app. Through that, I learned that the young woman's name was Lucy Nichols and that she's twenty-eight years old. Along with a few more lines of basic information, I noticed an Upper East Side address for an apartment there, but the app didn't list if Lucy had anybody who lived with her.

Lucy is a loner in the world, and she has a baby boy who is only a few hours old and being kept somewhere in the city…

Who would do that to a mother? Who would rob her of her child?

"Amanda?"

Fin had finally arrived, and he had Olivia and Nick in tow. Not even questioning where the other two had come from, I stood.

"How much did you tell Nick and Olivia?" I asked my partner.

"Only what happened in the hallway at the precinct. Have you learned anything new?"

I nodded and told them what I'd found on Lucy's iPad. While Nick called Munch back at the precinct to run Lucy's name through our databases, Olivia brought up an obvious topic.

"When Lucy was with you and Fin, she inferred that she was being held hostage against her will. Did she say where?"

"No, but she made it sound like there were other women there."

"Did she say where?"

"Unfortunately not, and we need to work double time to find them because Lucy told us not in so many words that she had been pregnant with a son—Oscar—and that he had been removed from her womb somehow because she had been 'bad.' Lucy wants her son back more than anything, and from the sound of what she said, Oscar was a few weeks early."

Olivia splayed her fingers over her belly in a protective way, like she was trying to keep her babies from hearing the bad things I was telling their mother.

"So this means that baby Oscar could possibly be a preemie? Without proper care, he could get sick anyway, but being a preemie could make his chances for health problems go up way higher a lot faster. We need to find the little guy ASAP."

"We also need to find the sickos responsible for this, too." Fin huffed. "We can't let them hurt anyone else, big or little."

Nick rejoined our group at this point. "I just got off the phone with the captain and told him what's going on, and he has orders that he wants us to follow, no exceptions."

Fin, Olivia and I gave Nick our complete attention at this.

"Amanda, he wants you to be the lead detective on this case and he wants Fin to partner up with me and hit the streets. Does Lucy's In Case of Emergency app list her address?"

"Yeah, I'll find it and write it down."

"What about me?" Olivia questioned. "What does the captain want me to do?"

"He wants you to partner up with Amanda for this case because he has a feeling that Lucy will probably be a little leery of men right now, and if we have indeed stumbled upon a baby trafficking ring, we're going to need all the cooperation we can get because these kinds of things are always the hardest to bust. I'm with Fin, and you're with Amanda until further notice."

"Detective Rollins?"

I turned at the sound of my name and saw Doctor Daniels, the doctor who sees most of our precinct's cases, walking over to us.

"How is Lucy?" I asked. "Did the surgery go well?"

"Everything went perfectly, and my team was able to remove the placenta without any complications."

"That's great news!"

The doctor nodded, but looked concerned. "Where is Lucy's child?"

"She had a baby boy named Oscar, and all we can say is that he is still at the place where Lucy gave birth to him, which is more than likely not a hospital. Oscar is also more than likely a preemie, so my team is already working double time on locating him."

Deciding not to press the topic any further because she knew there was only so much that we could actually tell her, Doctor Daniels just nodded again.

"Lucy is out of surgery and in recovery right now, so I can bring you to her if you'd like, but I should warn you—she's going to be a little out of it because she'll be waking up from sedation."

Heeding her words, I quickly copied down Lucy's address from her iPad and gave the information to Nick and Fin. As they left, discussing their next courses of action, Olivia and I followed Doctor Daniels down the hallway towards Lucy's room.

The whole time, I was once again doing everything I could to not let my past memories overtake me.

That is the _last _thing I need during this case.

The _last _thing.


	13. Family Reunion

Doctor Daniels parted ways with Olivia and I just outside Lucy's room, but I hesitated as I had a quick flashback to my years with the Atlanta Special Victims Unit. How I wish I could forget…

"Amanda, are you okay?" Olivia put a hand on my shoulder. "You're a little out of it."

"I'm fine."

"Something has gotten under your skin, and if that's the case, you need to back off before you lose your objective."

"This is neither the time nor the place to talk about, but I can assure you that I won't lose my objective." I responded. "Now let's go talk to Lucy, huh?"

Olivia followed my lead as we went into Lucy's room, where we saw her sitting up in bed, hooked up to an IV line. Several blankets were pulled up to her waist, and she was eyeing us warily.

"Who are you two?"

"I'm Detective Rollins, and this is Detective Benson." I told her. "Is it alright if we come in, Lucy?"

"Sure, I guess."

Accepting her invitation, we came closer. I set Lucy's bag and iPad down on her bedside table while Olivia sat in the chair next to the bed. Lucy noticed Olivia's pregnant condition and smiled sadly.

"How far along are you, detective?"

"Fourteen weeks with twins."

"I just had a baby boy named Oscar. He's not even a day old."

"About that, Lucy," I found my way into the conversation. "My colleague and I found you in our precinct earlier today. You were really upset about something, but you fainted due to an undelivered placenta. We brought you here and the doctors were able to successfully remove it—"

"But what about Oscar, though? Those bastards cut him out of me because Dana, Kit and I were planning an escape, and now it's my fault that they're going to be punished and have their babies taken away! Kit's going to get it the worst…"

"Deep breaths." I coached. "Why is Kit going to get it the worst?"

"Because she's carrying twin girls, and they're going to be preemies just like Oscar!" she began crying. "I know Dana is carrying a boy like I was, and boys go for higher rates than the girls do!"

(Oh, dear Lord—we _have _stumbled upon a baby trafficking ring!)

"Lucy, we are going to do everything we can to reunite you, Dana and Kit with your babies, and you're doing great so far with helping us out!" Olivia smiled kindly at her. "We just need a little more information if you can stick with it."

"If it helps you find Oscar…"

"Do you remember anything about where you were, where you were taken from or the person who took you?"

"Somewhere in an abandoned house, probably still in Manhattan because he took me from Central Park and it wasn't too long of a car ride. I'm not good with cars, and I was blindfolded for most of the ride, so I couldn't tell you what kind of car I was in or where the house is."

I paused in my note taking. "But did you see him, Lucy? Would you be able to describe him to a sketch artist?"

She nodded. "I even remember the kid's name—Falstaff."

"Like Falstaff, of _Henry IV, _the Shakespeare play?"

"I can't think of any other Falstaffs. We struck up a conversation because I was reading _A Midsummer Night's Dream." _

She sighed, on the verge of tears.

"I need Oscar now, and he's probably scared, cold and hungry! I didn't even get to hold him!"

She started crying even more, so Olivia and I took that as our cue to leave.

Olivia made a few phone calls in connection to the case on the way back, as I drove the cruiser, deep in thought.

I didn't come back to reality when we were in the elevator because Olivia had pushed the stop button, making the lift come to a grinding halt.

"Olivia, what the hell?"

She crossed her arms over her baby bump and gave me a stern look. "I'm giving you one more chance to at least tell me a little something about what's going on, otherwise I'll tell the captain to remove you from the case."

"Fine." I huffed. "How long have you been with the NYPD?"

"Twenty-five years."

"I've been on the police force for almost twelve now because I started the week after I turned twenty-one. My first two years were in Vice, followed by a year in the Narcotics department before joining the SVU in Atlanta. Including my time here, I've been part of the SVU for eight years, and by now I have my fair share of horror stories. I have one that I'll _never _be able to forget."

"What happened to you?"

"I was deep undercover, investigating a baby trafficking ring with my old partner, Jasper. I didn't know until he sold me out that that son of a gun was a dirty cop."

"Oh, Amanda…"

"Jasper and the actual ring leader, Ian DiSilvo, both died in a shootout but it was Ian's right hand man, Levi Thornton, that Jasper sold me out to."

"Did Levi rape you?"

I nodded. "That's how I got pregnant with Olivia."

"Did Levi know about her?"

"Unfortunately, yes. He escaped from jail to come looking for us, and when found he found out that Olivia had passed away, he beat the tar out of me in a knockdown drag-out fight and I was able to keep him at bay until help arrived. Levi blamed me for what happened to her, tried to make me feel like it was my fault, but I'd already come to terms with it, so that plan didn't work out."

"What happened to Levi after that?"

"He was arrested and tried for everything he did to me, on account of all of his other crimes and as a result was put on death row. The court ruled in favor of his execution and now he's good and dead, buried six feet under."

Olivia was so surprised by everything I'd just told her that she was quiet for a few moments.

"I understand because I went through something similar during an undercover mission once; I'm here for you if you ever want to talk. Does anybody else know about this?"

"Only the captain, and that's because everything is fully documented in my service record. He's never pressed me for details, and I haven't had the courage to tell anyone except you because apart from Nick's mom Adele, you're the closest I've had to maternal figure who actually wants me and loves me."

"Amanda, you're so sweet and I'm touched that I mean that much to you." The older woman laughed nervously and dabbed at her eyes as tears fell. "Now my makeup is about to run!"

"Good thing there's a bathroom on the floor we're getting off at." I pressed the button on the elevator panel, and the lift resumed. "You go clean yourself up and meet the rest of us by the tech room."

"Who's being the mama now?" she teased. "Is there something you and Nick need to share with the class?"

"No!" I hissed. "One day, maybe, but not today!"

"Something's different about you, Amanda, but I can't place it…"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

The elevator dinged and the door slid open.

"I have to go wash my face." Olivia chirped as she disembarked. "You should get off before the doors close on you."

I hopped out as quickly as I could and stared after Olivia for a moment as she walked away.

…Sometimes it's like she has a sixth sense…

Focus, Amanda. Time to work on the case.

* * *

Just as Olivia, the guys and I finished laying out the details for figuring out how to find the place where Falstaff was keeping the babies and their mothers, Captain Cragen emerged from his office where he'd been holed up since I left earlier to take Lucy to the hospital.

The second he made eye contact with us, we fell silent because his expression said it all—some serious shit is about to go down.

"Rollins, Benson, Fin, Amaro, Munch!" he barked. "My office, now!"

We stood, and like a group of guilty schoolchildren, trekked across the room in single file formation.

When we entered the office, I had to take a step back because it was more crowded than I've ever remembered seeing it.

For starters, _Elliot_ was leaning against the filing cabinet for the support, while _George _was on the opposite side, and also leaning on it for support.

(What is George doing here? He's been around forever, but last I knew, he had moved to Oklahoma…)

Casey and Alex, both being a little further along in the pregnancies than Olivia is in hers, were both occupying the chairs across from the captain's desk.

Standing next to the desk was Melinda, coolly observing everyone.

Last, but not least, were the three women perched on top of the low bookshelf at the mirror. Reputation alone says that all three of them are legends around here... I was looking at none other than Elizabeth Olivet, Abbie Carmicahel and Serena Southerlyn!

Elizabeth has also been around forever, but Abbie and Serena both preceded Alex _and _Casey, if I remember the stories correctly. And—wait… didn't Abbie leave and wasn't Serena fired?

Abbie and Serena are married, I know that, because their daughter Esther is one of Zara's friends, but I'm so confused…

"Could someone explain to me why we're having this 'family reunion'?" I asked.

Abbie passed me a wanted poster. "We just got this back from the sketch artist that was sent to talk to the victim."

"Lucy Nichols." I supplied. "Lucy Nichols, who has an hours old baby boy that is missing."

"Cool your jets, detective, and check out the sketch."

I did and was taken aback to see an image of a teenage boy, just like Lucy had mentioned. The surprising part was that he didn't look a day over eighteen, and that the rounded face, freckles, big eyes and long shaggy hair made him look like a puppy dog.

"Abbie, is this Falstaff?"

"More like Rex Travers Balfour. He's eighteen, from Houston, Texas."

"Houston?" I echoed. "How'd he get all the way up here, and do you recognize him, or something?"

She nodded. "Serena and I were tracking him for the past several years while we were working with the Houston Police Department and he fell off the map without warning… until now…"

"An eighteen year old boy is kidnapping pregnant women and cutting out their babies to sell on the black market? How did you two find these things out if you're lawyers?"

"Every now and then, things just fall into your lap, this case being Exhibit A. Falstaff was caught in Houston, but vanished without a trace two days before the trail and has been presumed dead. Today is the first time in almost two years that we've heard from him."

I raised my eyebrows, this time in surprise, and Abbie's wife added her two cents.

"Adding insult to injury, there's evidence that Falstaff—the name Rex uses more—is working for someone else, but that person has never been seen or caught. All we have on him is the name Iago."

"Have you and Abbie come up with a plan to catch Falstaff, or at least lure him out, since he seems to be doing all of Iago's dirty work."

Now Serena spoke with haste. "It wasn't _our _idea, per se, I'm just putting that out right now."

"Then who's idea was it?"

Both women, along with Alex, Casey, Melinda and Captain Cragen all turned towards George and Elizabeth, who were now standing together.

"Now we know why they're here." Fin muttered.

"Doctor Olivet and I did some brainstorming when this was brought to our attention earlier," George explained in his infinite calm tone. "And we came to one conclusion—an undercover operation."

My heart clenched immediately because I immediately wondered when would be the next time I would be able to go home to my family, to Nick and Zara.

"You would need to go undercover as an expectant mother." Elizabeth chimed in. "Maybe eight or nine months pregnant."

"For how long?"

"It depends on how long it takes to catch Falstaff because the idea is to let him abduct you and bring you to where the main location is. We'd like to also catch this Iago character, but the primary objective is to wait until someone comes to purchase a baby, even if we have to resort to two of us in this room posing as a couple who are interested."

"Why am _I _being picked for this?"

"As you pointed out earlier, Abbie and Serena are lawyers who lack the of training for this kind of assignment. Alex and Casey are crossed off the list for the same reason, plus they're already pregnant."

"So am I." Olivia added. "I'm also too old…"

"Liv, don't start with that again." Elliot warned.

(Seriously—why is _he _here?)

"Olivia has a fair point, though." George acknowledged. "According to the files that Abbie and Serena gave us, Falstaff goes after single mothers, all of whom to date have been blonds between the ages of twenty-five and thirty-three. You fit the criteria perfectly, Amanda."

"Okay, I'm in."

At these words, Melinda finally spoke. "Excellent. I have a prosthetic belly for you to try on so you can play the part properly, but I'll need help."

Olivia was immediately on her feet at this. "I'll help!"

Now I turned my gaze to the captain, and he nodded. "You're free to go, Detective Rollins. We can hold the fort down for a few minutes without you."

Not waiting for anything further, I got up and made my way through the sea of people with Olivia and Melinda, the latter of whom was now carrying a large carrying case of some kind under her arm.

Looks like it's time for an adventure...


	14. Undercover Prep

**No reviews for the previous chapter? Really, you guys? I know you're there.**

* * *

When Melinda, Olivia and I made our way to the locker room, I didn't fail to notice that the box that Melinda was carrying made an audible thud when she set it down on the bench.

"Just how much does it weigh?" I asked.

"Seven pounds, four ounces, which is coincidentally how much my daughter Kira weighed when she was born."

Olivia let out a comical shudder as she rubbed her pregnant belly. "My doctor estimates that the twins will be a little over the average weight for twins, and I've only just hit the second trimester…"

"Oh, you poor thing." I teased.

"Try growing two babies in _your _uterus at the same time, and _then _we'll see who's laughing… although I'm sure you'd look radiant…"

I turned red at the compliment. "Melinda, help!"

She laughed as she undid the buckles on the box. "Amanda, are you wearing a tank top under your blouse?"

"Yes."

"Please take off your blouse; you'll be wearing the pregnancy piece over it."

I did what she said, not blinking an eye at undressing in front of her and Olivia.

"What now?"

Melinda reached into the box and pulled out a prosthetic belly made of latex and covered in durable white gauze which had a wraparound strap in the back, complete with hooks to keep it secure. Even at that, I wrinkled my nose, for which Melinda scolded me.

"Don't do that! This is going to be your baby for the next eternity or so!"

"Then don't put it like that!" I complained as I held the prop in place while she fastened it. "Don't put it like that when I have a family to go home to—damn it!"

I stomped my foot in frustration at letting my secret slip.

"Excuse me? You and Nick are together?"

"About time." Olivia approved. "Your souls are bound together."

I found myself blushing at her phrasing again. "We _are _together, but only Zara knows. Right now, we're focusing on taking baby steps."

"Then we won't tell." Melinda promised. "Olivia, what do you think? Does Amanda look pregnant enough?"

Olivia tilted her head to the side, studying me. Reaching behind me, she tugged the prop up slightly and then re-secured it. Making sure I could still breathe properly, she nodded and stepped back, satisfied with her handiwork.

"Now you look ready to pop, but not so ready that Falstaff will want to try something on you."

I just shook my head.

"Are you okay?" Melinda asked cautiously.

"I just need to talk to Olivia for a few minutes. Could we have the room?"

"Sure." She nodded and made towards the door. "There's a maternity outfit in the bottom compartment of that box."

When Melinda was gone, I sat on the bench and Olivia sat next to me and let me lean against her.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" she cooed.

"This," I pointed to my newfound baby bump. "Is definitely something I want for real with Nick, but I would also like to have a ring on my finger first."

"Does he know?"

"He does. Liv, I'm so happy with him and he makes my heart go light whenever I'm around him. I've been through all kinds of shit in the past when it comes to relationships in the past, but now Nick is here, and he treats me like a queen."

"What a guy."

"I feel a bit overwhelmed, but I think it's because I've never been so happy."

"I know what you mean—I had to wait twelve years for Elliot, and it was hard but worth it because now I have a husband, five beautiful stepchildren and two more babies on the way. Even Calvin comes to visit when he can, so it's like I have eight kids. The wait has been worth it."

I smiled, starting to feel better.

"One day, you and Nick will get married during the summer, and at the same time, you'll become a stepmother to darling Zara. After the wedding, you three will move to a nice house with a big yard to play in. Maybe you'll even get a dog or two. When everyone is happy and settled, you and Nick will make two more very beautiful babies and you'll all be living happily ever after. Are you two in a hurry?"

"Nope."

"Then all you have to do is keep breathing, and you'll see that it'll all work out in the end."

I gave Olivia a genuine smile and she patted my hand with maternal affection.

"And above all—remember that it's okay to be happy."

Her words gave me the confidence I needed, and I sat up a little straighter.

"Doing better?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "Thanks."

"No problem."

It took a little effort because of her big belly, but she got to her feet.

"I suggest you get dressed soon because I'm sure someone will come to relieve you of your phone and give you further instructions. Do you need help?"

"No, but I need a new pair of shoes. I can't be wearing my heel boots now, as comfortable as they are."

Olivia walked over to her locker and opened it. "What's your shoe size?"

"Eight-and-a-half."

"Perfect." She retrieved a pair of black ballet flats and put them on the bench. "You may borrow these."

"Thanks again, Liv."

No sooner was I alone and dressed than Nick's voice could be heard calling from the doorway.

"Amanda, are you decent?"

"Yeah! You can come on back!"

He entered the room and was all smiles when he saw me.

"Hi, beautiful!"

"Nick, it's not like I'm dressed for a wedding or something!"

I was dressed in a turquoise tunic shirt and khaki shorts, both in maternity sizes, just like Melinda had said they would be. The shoes Olivia lent me fit perfectly. Overall, my outfit was nice, but not show-offy.

"I think turquoise is a great color on you and that you should wear it more."

"I'll remember that."

"Have you seen yourself in the mirror yet?"

"No. Are you asking because you want to see what I look like at nine months pregnant?"

He nodded and held a hand out to me. "Come on, mi amor."

I let him pull me up and when I stood, I almost lost my balance, but Nick caught me and rested a hand in the small of my back to keep me steady.

With some coaxing, he took me to the mirror at the opposite end of the room. I took in my pregnant figure and let Nick admire it, but as happy as I wanted to be about it, I felt my heart constrict in my chest.

Of course Nick noticed. "What are you thinking about? Being pregnant for real?"

"Yeah… we're going to give Zara siblings one day, right?"

"Definitely. I don't want her be an only child like I am."

"What about your son, though? Why don't you talk about him?"

"Gil's mother doesn't want me in his life until he's at least eighteen. It hurts, but I've come to terms with it now."

"Do we tell Zara that she has a half brother?"

"Unless she accidentally finds out before Gil comes asking us questions, no."

"Okay."

I raked my knuckles over his cheek, wanting to feel him one last time before my assignment.

"Even if we had a one-night stand or something, I'd still want you to be in our baby's life because I don't want any of our kids to grow up in a home that was as dysfunctional as the ones we grew up in. I want Zara and the rest of our babies to have the best life, and a happy one, too. I'm not saying that we're going to plan out every detail of the rest of their lives for them, but I want us to show them how to make the best of things."

"You're a great person, Amanda, and I'm so glad that Zara has you in her life. Our future kids are going to love you and be blessed by you the same way that Zara is."

He gave me a peck on the cheek.

"When the time is right, will you marry me?"

I was actually speechless for a few moments before I remembered how to talk.

"Yes! A million times yes!"

Nick lit up and kissed me full on the lips.

"Does this mean that we're engaged?"

My heart leapt in my chest. "Yes it does!"

He hugged me close, careful not to jostle my costume. I didn't want it to end, but when it did, Nick put on his poker face.

"Do you have your phone?"

I handed it to him.

"I'll be holding onto it until you get back."

That's when it suddenly hit me—if everything goes according to plan, I won't be seeing him for awhile.

I don't even know where I'm going to be sleeping tonight. I also won't be to see my sweet Zara…

"Nick, when Zara asks why I didn't come home with you, tell her that I've gone to fight dragons and that I'll be home in a few sleeps. Don't forget to tell her that I love her."

"I'll tell her those things." He kissed me again. "Be safe."

"I will."

Not wanting to miss another chance, I gave him a deeply passionate kiss.

"I should get out there before someone sends out a search party…"

Nick nodded and followed behind me as I walked across the room with a slight waddle due to my new figure.

When we got to the Cragen's office, he, Cragen, Olivia, Fin, Elliot, Munch, Abbie, Serena and doctors Huang and Olivet were waiting for us. Fin wolf-whistled playfully at me.

"Look at you, girl! You're lookin' good!"

I turned scarlet. "Thanks, Fin."

He looked like he wanted to say something else, but the captain interrupted. "Somebody pull up a chair for Amanda while we go over the plan one more time."

Fin did and when I got comfortable, we looked over at Abbie and Serena, who were clearly the brains of the operation by now.

"Falstaff has been snatching women from the Ramble between late morning and late afternoon, but never before dark." Abbie told us. "For everything that we know about him, we don'tknow howhe does it, meaning that he could possibly threaten you with a knife or a gun."

"So whatever you do," Serena tacked on. "Ignore your cop instincts, and just go with it. The lives of some little babies and their mothers are depending on you, Amanda."

"No need to remind me of that, but we _are _burning daylight. Anything else I need to know?"

"Something is a little out of whack with Falstaff," George put in. "But without knowing him and having only read his profile from the Houston PD, I can't be sure what it is. I know Doctor Olivet is in agreement."

Elizabeth nodded. "All I can think of is some sort of brain disorder or personality disorder. I warn you—be on your guard."

"That won't be a problem. Will I be wearing a wire?"

Cragen shook his head. "I'm afraid not. Falstaff is rumored to be very paranoid, so he'll be able to sniff out a wire."

I raised my eyebrows. "This means I'll be flying blind?"

"I'm afraid so. Do you still want to do it?"

"I _have _to. Will there at least be eyes on me until Falstaff takes me?"

He nodded. "Olivia, Elliot, Munch and Fin will all be nearby, but they'll be playing civilians."

"If Elliot's coming, does this mean he's back for good now?"

"Yes, but we'll talk about it later because it's time to go."

Damn, I hope this all works out.

Being bait for a kidnapper makes me nervous.


	15. Makeshift Mama

**Special shout out to Bubbles for leaving such a bright review! :) **

* * *

Elliot lent me a semi-worn copy of _A Midsummer Night's Dream _as a final touch when we got to the park, and after making sure my colleagues were stationed in different places in the surrounding area, I settled down on a bench and began reading. When nothing happened for awhile, I went for a stroll down the path before settling on a new bench.

Just as I got comfortable, I felt something hard and metallic poke me in the shoulder from behind. I stiffened upon feeling someone's hot breath on my ear as they spoke into it.

"I see you're reading _A Midsummer Night's Dream. _Read to me line one hundred and forty-eight from the first act."

I searched for the line and found it. "The line says 'The jaws of darkness devour it up.' Kinda creepy…"

I didn't have to turn around to know that Falstaff was behind me or that he was holding a gun (most likely concealed) to my shoulder.

"That means that something dark is coming, like a fierce cheetah sneaking up on the sweet, innocent but unsuspecting gazelle as it takes a drink at the watering hole. Tell me the next line."

"It says 'So quick and bright things come to confusion.' Also creepy."

"Tell me what it means."

"Everything is about to be shot to hell."

"I couldn't have said it better myself." Falstaff prodded my shoulder a little harder with his weapon. "I have a concealed gun trained on your back. Get up right now, but do not scream."

I draped my arms over my belly protectively. "Please don't hurt us!"

"Then get up and act natural!"

"Okay, okay!"

It took some effort, but when I got to my feet, Falstaff joined me and put a hand around my waist, moving his gun to my lower back. He took me to his car, parked a block or so away from the park and for the sake of not being made, I kept up with the scared hostage routine, but my fear turned to confusion when we pulled up at a Duane Reade drug store.

"What are we doing here?" I asked.

"You're going to look after some babies for awhile."

"Where are the mothers?"

"Don't worry about that, and don't try to run off because there will be trouble if you do. Am I clear?"

"Crystal."

"Good answer."

"How many babies are we talking?"

"You can't do it?"

I started backpedaling quickly. "I totally can, but I need to prepare myself, you know?"

"There are four—two boys and two girls. Right now, I need you to go inside and buy enough basic supplies for newborns. If you're not back in fifteen minutes, I'll come in after you, and it won't be pretty."

"Okay."

Falstaff pulled out a wad of hundred dollar bills from his pocket, peeled three off and stuffed them into my hand.

"What's your name?"

"Ariel King."

Falstaff gave me a swat on the cheek, and it stung slightly.

"What the hell?" I demanded. "You don't hit pregnant women!"

He swatted me again. "The first one was because I only asked for your name, and the second one was for mouthing off! Are you done being smart?"

I nodded, holding a hand against my cheek.

"Good. I'm called Falstaff, and from now on, my word is law and you live or die by it, no questions. Go on and go; your fifteen minutes begin right now."

I was out of the car in a heartbeat, and ten minutes later, I was inside the drug store, perusing the baby aisle. A middle-aged employee dressed in a work uniform walked up to me, smiling warmly.

"How far along are you?"

I rested a hand in the small of my back, returning the smile. "I just hit eight months today, and it's a girl."

"I have three of my own, but they're all adults now."

"Oh, then maybe you could help me with something!"

"Sure thing, dear. What do you need?"

"My sister just had quadruplets, but she fell on hard times financially, so she asked me to pick some things up for her little ones. Only thing is that since I'm giving this one up," I tapped my belly for emphasis. "There's not much in the way of baby things at my house."

"How many of each did she have?"

"Two of each."

"Okay. We'll see what we can do."

Before long, my shopping cart was filled with enough socks, onesies, hats, receiving blankets, burping cloths, diapers, bottles, formula and pacifiers for four newborns. At the last minute, the employee also added four stuffed animals—a lamb, a duckling, a hippopotamus and an octopus—because she said that every little baby needs a stuffed animal. After paying for everything and assuring two more employees that I didn't need any further help, I pushed my cart out to the parking lot to find Falstaff leaning against the hood of the car, arms crossed with a scowl on his face.

"Twelve minutes, Ariel, cutting it awfully close."

"Sorry." I muttered. "It won't happen again."

"Damn right it won't. Get in the car!"

I followed orders without speaking because I don't care how old this kid is—he's getting scarier by the minute!

* * *

I didn't see the route that Falstaff took to get to the next destination because he blindfolded me just like he had blindfolded Lucy during her kidnapping. When he finally took the blindfold off, I saw that we were in a house parking garage.

"What are you waiting for, an invitation?" Falstaff barked. "Go wait for me in the kitchen!"

I exited the car and made my way into the house, wrinkling my nose at the rancid odor of the place. The whole room was dirty and disrepair, reminding me of the tiny trailer I lived in as a kid.

Before I could do any initial snooping, Falstaff was back and setting the shopping bags on the counter, instructing me to get to work on making up bottles for the babies. Overall, he was very threatening, but when he ran his hands almost nervously, I caught a glimpse of a frightened teenage boy who was in way over his head.

That was gone in a second as he started talking.

"Stay away from all the doors leading outside, including the garage door you just came in from. The windows and the basement are also off-limits."

"Understood."

Falstaff smirked, pleased by my obedience. "You'll see things here that'll make you want to pick up the phone to call 911, but you better not because I have permission to 'discourage' you if you do, and I'm capable of more than just slapping you around. I don't want to take those measures, but I will."

"Why don't you want to?"

"You remind me of my big sister and she was my best friend until she passed away. You and I aren't going to be friends, Ariel, but I'm nicer than boss is and he's a man who won't hesitate to hurt anybody who mouths off to him, pregnant or not."

I ran a hand over my belly. "If I'm just the babysitter, will my baby be taken from me?"

"No."

Falstaff stroked my face in a slightly awkward manner and didn't seem to notice when I recoiled slightly.

"Ariel, I chose you, so that means the others won't be able to touch you."

"Thanks, I guess."

"Whatever."

He made to leave but stopped when I called after him. I was met with an irritated response.

_"What?"_

"Will you carry the bags for me to wherever the babies are?"

"Why don't you?"

What a brat!

"I don't know where I'm going and since I'm eight months pregnant, I shouldn't be putting any extra weight on my body. Besides—I'm already carry four full baby bottles and that's keeping my hands full."

Realizing that I had a point, the boy picked up the bags and led me upstairs to the second story, stopping at the second door on the right in the hallway. The rest of the house was in varying states of disrepair and filth, just like the kitchen, and on the other side of the door, I heard the whimpering of four little babies.

"Hmm… they were asleep when I left…"

My eyes widened in horror. "You left four tiny helpless babies _alone?"_

"It's not like I was gone for a long time, and what was I supposed to do? Hire a babysitter? Fuck no, so that's why I went hunting and found you!"

He kicked open the door which startled the babies to such a degree that they started full-on wailing. With one swift motion, Falstaff dropped the bags on the floor inside the room, shoved me inside and then locked the door behind me.

Turning to face the four crying babies, I breathe a sigh of relief when I saw that they were each tucked into a Moses basket that served as a bed. They all had a different colored blanket tucked into their basket, so as to tell them apart… and were those notecards attached to the front?

What?

Why does Falstaff need notecards to remind himself of which baby belongs to whom if he thinks he's a total bad-ass?

Oh, well.

No time to worry about that.

I have to be a makeshift mama to the babies now.


	16. Perchance To Dream

It took awhile, but I was able to calm all of the babies down and sort out who was who.

Starting on the left in the red blanket was Oscar, and next to him were twins Rosemarie and Rebecca, with Noah on the end. They were wrapped in pink, purple and blue blankets accordingly and much to my dismay, they were shivering under their blankets because they weren't wearing anything, not even diapers!

Working quickly, I dressed each baby in a fresh diaper, onesie, hat and socks to keep them warm before wrapping them back up in their blankets again. I also handed out the stuffed animals, but when the babies grew squirrelly, I helped them get used to sucking on their pacifiers, hoping that that would keep their minds occupied while I decided whom to feed first.

Oscar helped me choose him because he kept spitting out his pacifier and whining more than the others.

"Okay, baby boy." I sat on the floor and leaned against the wall behind me, cradling him close. "You're first, but please don't freak out over the formula because it won't be what you're expecting."

He negated my attempts to get him to try it, instead doing the best he could for an eight-hour old to seek out my body heat. When I held him closer, he started nuzzling my breasts with his cheek, looking for milk. Even his delicate touch made me wince in pain, but the part that startled me about it was that I haven't felt that kind of soreness in those parts of my body since I was pregnant.

Oh, my God…!

What if—

Nope, not the time for that.

"Sorry, Oscar, but you won't be getting anything from there."

The baby gave a huff of indignation and finally latched onto the bottle nipple, completely guzzling down the formula because his hunger had won out.

"Easy, little guy—you need to pace yourself."

As if understanding my words, Oscar closed his eyes in contentment but did slow down and was eventually ready to be burped. After emitting a monster burp that almost freaked him out, Oscar was cooing to himself, allowing me to get Rosemarie, Rebecca and Noah fed without incident. Because all three of them were also less than a day old, they also used their newborn instincts to look for milk the same way Oscar had, meaning that my breasts were very sore by the time they'd all been fed and burped, too.

All of this being around babies makes me wonder what mine and Nick's are going to look like. I They're going to have his hair and skin color, have my eyes but learn Spanish alongside English. They're also probably going to develop my southern twang, too. Zara already has, and it's adorable.

Zara.

I miss my baby…

* * *

After nightfall, when the babies were asleep, I was woken from a fitful sleep by someone hauling me to my feet.

"Hey! What are you doing?" I protested. "If you want to talk, just talk. Yanking anyone, especially a pregnant woman, to their feet is just rude!"

My words were met with a hard slap to the cheek, forcing me to continue playing the 'scared hostage' card because he looked like a pro wrestler—extreme muscular build, chrome dome hairstyle and overall threatening appearance—but stuffed into a three thousand dollar Italian suit and shoe set. He also spoke with a heavy Russian accent, so this could only be one person.

"My name is Iago, and I do not tolerate smart mouths! You are here because the babies need someone to make sure they stay alive, but your insolence just cost you two days of food!"

"What about my baby?" I panicked, touching a hand to my belly. "I need to eat for her!"

"You really should've thought of that before you decided to mouth off to me, huh? Do you have any family that's going to miss either of you?"

I shook my head, so I was met with another hard slap.

"Answer me with words when I ask you a question!"

"Nobody will miss us."

Iago smirked. "That is excellent news because it means that you'll be looking after every child we procure from now on."

"What about my baby?" I repeated. "Will I be able to keep her?"

"Is she healthy?"

"As a horse."

"Then I'm sure that we'll be able to sell her to a high-paying client who will be able to raise her and use her as in-house help until she gets too old. The girls are always more disposable than the boys are."

Now I was filled with genuine fear because Iago was dead serious and because this means that he'll figure out I'm a cop...

"No! Please don't take her; she's all I have!"

My pleas were ignored.

"I came for a visit so I could tell you these things myself, but also because I'm looking for someone to give me sons."

"What makes you think I'd want to have your babies?"

"I have certain means of persuasion." He pointed to a holster on his hip. "You must be due any day now, so once that child is out of you, we're going to go at it until you give me at least three sons."

"What if I have girls?"

"You may keep them, but I will deny anything to do with them. Am I understood?"

"Yes."

"Good answer. Now, I'm going to—what are you doing?"

My stomach had suddenly started churning because the idea of potentially being stuck with Iago for the rest of my life (or until—God forbid—he gets bored with me) and having his babies was finally beginning to sink in on me.

"I think I might—"

In the blink of an eye, I'd thrown up spectacularly all over Iago's fancy shoes.

"Stupid woman!" he hit me again. "I should punish you more for ruining my new shoes, but I have more important things to do, so consider yourself lucky."

"Don't worry—I do."

Iago raised a hand, making me flinch badly.

"No, it's not worth it," He decided, lowering it. "But you know what?"

I glowered at him as I wiped puke off my mouth. "What, Iago?"

"I have no doubt that our sons will be strong, healthy and smart, but I will not tolerate any of them getting disrespectful with me. To make sure that they do not inherit the smart mouth attitude from you in the future, I'm going to put you in your place beginning now and the first thing I'm going to do is deprive you of water and food for a week."

_"What?" _

Without another word, Iago turned on his heel and left, muttering to himself about how changing into a new pair of shoes was going to make him late for an appointment with perspective clients. I paid him no heed because the babies had woken up again and were crying for me. Slightly disgusted with myself, I wiped the remaining emesis off my face completely before turning to Oscar, Noah, Rosemarie and Rebecca.

I forced myself to pay attention to them for awhile not only because every little baby requires constant attention, love and nurturing, but also because if I didn't do something to keep myself occupied, I'd start punching walls, which would mean more punishments from Iago.

* * *

Shit… if I'm already this worried about Iago and not Falstaff, then there's a chance this whole thing might not end well…

* * *

When the babies fell back asleep, I afraid to even shut my eyes because I was more worried about Iago coming to have his way with me because now that I'm the one cop who actually seen him when he's evaded all other law enforcement, he's really gotten under my skin. I mean… what if he finds out I'm bluffing and actually decides to start using me as his own personal baby factory? I can't handle that…

I think I'm already so scared because unlike other times I've gone undercover, this time I have a family to go home to.

I need to be strong so I can see them and hold them again.

I need to keep my head up and thing good thoughts.

Hmm… how does Hamlet's opening soliloquy go again?

_To be, or not to be, that is the question: _

_Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer _

_The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, _

_Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, _

_And by opposing end them: to die to sleep _

_No more; and by sleep, to say we end _

_The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks _

_That flesh is heir to? 'Tis a consummation _

_Devoutly to be wished. To die to sleep, _

_To sleep, perchance to dream. _


	17. Seventy-Two Hours

I started losing track of time, mostly because I was locked in the dingy room with the babies and was only let out every few hours to use the restroom or make new bottles. The only ways I knew that time was actually passing and that I wasn't losing my mind was that I was in need of a shower, the diapers were running low and I kept throwing up.

Most of the reason for that last part was because Iago had stayed true to his word in denying me food, and now it's at the point where all I can manage is dry heaving.

The other main reason for my upset stomach was because after doing the math, I realized that I'm pregnant and experiencing morning sickness! It also dawned on me that I hadn't had my monthly visitor in the time since Nick and I had sex in the shower that one time. It was weeks ago, and I'm _never _late. This means I'm more than a month along…

I'm so tired, but I'm scared to sleep for too long because Iago and Falstaff like to use me as their personal punching bags when they're a bad mood or drunk.

Right now, I have to stay strong for the baby inside me, and for Oscar, Noah, Rosemarie and Rebecca.

* * *

_THUD!_

I woke with a start to the sound of a body falling against the wall in the hallway, and it was quickly followed by the sounds of Iago and Falstaff in a yelling match, although Falstaff was yelling in pain. Acting on instinct, I moved the babies' baskets to the corner of the room so they'd be out of danger.

The yelling stopped when there was another thud, this time against the door. Falstaff had fallen against it with such weight that the rotting wood gave way and fell clean off its hinges. Iago was already retreating by the time I made my way over to Falstaff, and as I surveyed the him, my heart sank because he was bleeding from a gunshot wound to the chest. My heart broke for him because instead of acting like the bad-ass he usually does, he was crying in pain and fear, just like a little boy.

"Ariel," he wheezed, reaching for me. "Ariel, I'm so… sorry for everything…"

I could tell he meant it, so I sat on the floor with him and held him as close as my pregnancy costume would permit.

"It's Rex." He coughed, expelling blood. "Like the dinosaur…"

"Okay, Rex. That's a cool name."

He held tightly to my shirt.

"Iago shot me because… he didn't want… to take me with… him to California…"

"That's the next place Iago is headed?"

He nodded. "I'm autistic… and he doesn't want… someone like me…"

"Rex, I'm so sorry."

His mind was other places. "How is that right…"

I watched helplessly as Rex gave in to a horrible coughing fit, spewing more blood on both of us before expiring in my arms. The sadness I felt at his passing was very brief because a few moments later, I realized people were coming, so I laid Rex down and moved back towards the babies to keep them quiet.

The newcomers turned out to be Iago and a handful of his cronies. When Iago saw Rex's body, he just sighed and gave instructions to his men in Russian. They carried Rex out as Iago advanced on me.

"We have potential clients coming in twenty minutes. You have until then to tidy the babies up and over up as much of the bloodstains on your clothes as possible. Do you have anything to say?"

"Please don't let this happen; it's wrong, and you know it! What about their mothers? Where are _they? _Did you kill them just like you killed Rex?"

Frustrated that I'd asked things he didn't want to answer, Iago screamed a Russian curse at me, and then proceeded to hit me so hard that I began seeing stars as he left.

Working through the pain with a heavy heart, I got the little ones ready and tried not cry—I've failed the babies, and now one of them is about to be sold to the highest bidder. I don't even know where the babies' mothers are, for crying out loud!

I have no idea how I'm going to show my face at the precinct after this…

Because I had no change of clothes, I sat in the corner and wrapped a blanket around my body to hide the bloodstains and I did it just in time because Iago returned at that precise moment with his clients. My heart skipped a beat when I saw who they were—Fin and Melinda! They were both very dapper and I worked double time to not blow my cover or theirs. Neither of them paid me much attention and Fin did most of the talking.

"Are these the only babies you have available?" he made a sweeping gesture towards the baskets. "We thought there'd be more to choose from."

Iago shrugged. "This is all I have right now. You could look somewhere else if you desired, but I have the best there is."

"That's alright." Fin conceded. "I was just wondering."

"Very good, very good. What did you and your lovely wife have in mind, Mister Jefferson?"

Fin turned to Melinda and smiled. "It's all up to you right now, dove."

"Do we have enough cash to pay for all four of them?" she nodded towards the metallic briefcase Fin was holding. "You know, just in case I fall in love with all of them?"

"Of course we have enough," he reassured her. "But why don't you look everybody over, anyway?"

Melinda agreed and began examining the babies, disguising her trained medical experience as a curious but hopeful adoptive parent. After a few minutes, Melinda picked Oscar up and cuddled with him as she walked back towards the others.

"What about this little guy?" Melinda asked Fin. "I like him; his name is Oscar."

"That's a good strong name, he's perfect." Fin turned towards Iago. "Do I pay you now? I've never done this kind of thing before…"

"I will take the money." he nodded. "It's in the briefcase?"

"All sixty-five thousand dollars. Here you go."

Fin handed it over and Iago took it greedily.

"Do you mind if I count it, Mister Jefferson? Pay beforehand is never well served."

"I completely understand; go ahead and count the money."

As Iago did so, he didn't notice Melinda move herself to a safe distance with Oscar and in the next moment, when Fin hauled Iago to his feet, the Russian man let out a startled yell.

"What is the meaning of this?"

Fin pulled his badge out of pocket and showed it to him. "You just tried to sell a baby to a cop!"

"Y-you're a cop?"

"Damn straight, and you have three seconds to start running!"

Iago took off, so Fin gave chase, calling for back up as he went. Meanwhile, Melinda put Oscar back into his basket bed and kneeled down in front of me.

"Amanda, sweetheart, you're safe now. It's going to be okay."

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "You have idea how glad I am to see you!"

"When was the last time you ate?" the older woman was frowning slightly. "How did you get all of these bruises on your face?"

"I was turned into a punching bag, and I think the last time I ate was the day I was taken."

"That was just over seventy-two hours ago. It's a miracle your body hasn't started shutting down yet."

"It feels like it's about to." I groaned. "Go take care of the babies and find their mothers. Where's Nick?"

Footsteps out in the hallway two seconds later answered my question because the man himself had reached the room and was running towards me. Melinda tended to the babies, leaving me free to melt into my fiancé's arms and weep, finally able to let out all of the emotions bottled up inside me.

"What do you need, Amanda?" he gently eased the blanket from my shoulders to get a better look at me. "Do you need a change of clothes?"

"No." I shook my head, whimpering slightly at my pounding headache. "No, I need food, a shower and to get the prosthetic belly off me!"

Working quickly, Nick unhooked the prop and removed it for me since I was too weak to even think straight. The second it was off, my hands flew to my lower midriff and I started poking it methodically, gasping slightly at how firm it felt.

Things just got real.

"Amanda, what are you doing?" Nick asked warily, taking me into his lap. "You're weirding me out."

My head was hurting so much from lack of nutrients that I was now beginning to see spots. How I managed to even formulate my next words was a wonder of wonders.

"I'm pretty sure that I'm pregnant."

The last image my brain registered before collapsing in Nick's arms was his face as it turned from shock to joy.

* * *

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	18. Safe

When I came to, I was in a hospital bed, dressed in a paper gown and connected to an IV drip hanging from a metal wheelie hanger. I supposed the solution in the drip bag was filled with nutrients to help get my body get back on track, but I got distracted by the oxygen tube I was also hooked up to, via my nostrils because the feeling of something being in my nose that wasn't normally supposed to be there was disconcerting.

I let all of it go when I spotted a welcome sight—Nick sitting next to my chair, smiling at me.

"Hi, beautiful. You've been asleep for awhile."

"How long is 'awhile'?" I croaked, taking a sip of water from the cup on my bed tray.

"Six hours. How are you feeling?"

"Tired and hungry. I want to eat, but I afraid I'm going to upchuck anything that goes into my stomach."

He pointed to the IV drip. "See that? You've been hooked up since you fainted, and it's been pumping all of the necessary nutrients into your body to keep it hydrated and strong while you heal."

"While I heal?" I echoed, eyes widening. "Was I hurt?"

"No, but your body almost shut down. Doc says you can have jello or pudding later."

"No jello." I shuddered.

"Pudding it is."

I smiled, but it faltered. "Nick, the last thing I remember is telling you that I might be pregnant."

"I told the EMT's on the way over, so they did an emergency ultrasound on you."

"And…?" I asked eagerly.

My fiancé leaned forward, planting a few tender kisses on my abdomen. "Amanda, you're carrying our twins."

I was overcome with joy at this news that I began getting teary-eyed, so Nick held me and made soothing noises.

"It's okay, babe, it's okay. The babies are happy, strong and healthy; I saw them on the ultrasound with my own eyes. They're taking after you already."

I let out a shaky breath and touched a hand to my belly. "I'm so happy right now—we're engaged, Zara's confidence and self-esteem have gone way up since she came back from Washington because _she's _happy, and now she's getting her wish for siblings. Oh, my God… she's going to be so happy, but I have no idea how to tell her…"

"Well, first things first." Nick hit the Call Nurse button. "Since you're awake now, you'll be able to see the babies."

"I can't wait for that! Did anyone happen to tell you how far along I am?"

"Seven weeks."

"Whoa. That means we made them on the night we went at it in the shower."

"That was a fun night…"

I just shook my head and laughed, knowing that he was already thinking back to that night.

A few minutes later, however, he was forced to come back to reality because Doctor Daniels had arrived and started going through the routine of a prenatal appointment, reminding me to take extra caution because of the twins. I was reduced to a puddle of goo the first time I saw the babies and heard their heartbeats, but glad when Doctor Daniels wanted to know if I had any questions.

"When will I be able to go home?"

"Not until tomorrow afternoon at the earliest, detective." She handed me some paper towels which I used to wipe off the ultrasound gel. "Your body has been through a lot, especially considering the dehydration and malnutrition you endured during your undercover op."

"You know about that?"

"Your fiancé gave me the details out in the ambulance bay, and as I understand it, Detective Benson should be here any minute to take your statement because she asked to be notified the second you woke up."

"Alright. Are the babies okay? The last time I ate anything was like three days ago."

"Both ultrasounds showed that they're in great shape, and that there's absolutely nothing to worry about. You, on the other hand, are on strict bed rest until I'm satisfied that your body is back in working order."

"Fine, fine." I grumbled at the precise moment my stomach growled. "Nick said something about me getting jello or pudding."

"You'll be able start within the hour, when your drip is finished, and we'll try you on solid foods in the morning. Which do you prefer—jello or pudding?"

"Definitely pudding."

She made a note on her clipboard, smiling as she glanced towards the doorway. "Detective Benson is here now, so I'll come back to check on your progress later."

"When will I be able to have visitors?"

"Not until visiting hours tomorrow. For the rest of tonight, it's immediate family only."

I nodded in understanding and watched her go as Olivia walked in. Getting ready to leave, Nick planted a kiss on my forehead with no shame about his partner watching.

"I'll be back—I'm going to go get Zara."

"Okay, love. I'll see you soon."

He kissed me again and then left, nodding to Olivia as he went. Olivia had a flower vase full of wildflowers in her hands, but she set it on my bedside table, looking amused.

"The flowers are from everyone at the precinct," her big belly weighed her down as she eased herself into the chair. "But right now I want to know how long this thing between you and Nick has been happening."

"Since he told me that he had a spare bedroom for me to crash in, but we didn't call it official until seven weeks ago, when our twins were conceived."

Olivia beamed happily, although very surprised. "You're carrying twins, too?"

"Yep, and the doc says they're doing great!"

"Well, I guess congratulations are in order, so congratulations, Amanda."

"Thanks, Liv. Is it okay if you take my statement now? Nick should be back soon with Zara, and I don't want her to hear anything she shouldn't. You know how it is, now that you've got Eli…"

Olivia nodded and pulled out her notebook and a pen, ready to write. "I completely understand. Tell me everything you can."

* * *

Once I'd given Olivia my statement and she left, I didn't have long to wait for my family to come back, but when Zara saw me, she approached the bed timidly.

"Mandy, you're safe now…"

"Hi, baby!" I cooed. "Will you come a little closer?"

She did and held my hand in a tight grasp. "I got so worried about you while you were gone. Did you catch the bad guys?"

"I'm not sure. Why don't you ask daddy?"

Zara turned expectantly at Nick. "Did my Mandy catch the bad guys?"

"She sure did."

Relief coursed through my body, and when Zara gave me a look of pure adoration, I turned to mush all over again.

"Mandy, I'm so proud of you!"

"Awww, thanks! That means so much to me, and I missed you so much that I can't begin to tell you."

Zara was now the one turning to mush.

"Is it okay if I cuddle with you? I'll be good and not smush you since you're sore."

"You're so thoughtful. I'd love a cuddle with you."

She giggled in delight, but Nick turned into the voice of reason.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, considering your precious cargo and all?"

"We can tell her, but I want to hold her first because being away from my number one girl for three days was very difficult."

Ever so carefully, Nick lifted Zara onto my bed and after a moment, she was pressed up against me with an ear to my chest, listening to my heartbeat because it always calms her. I held Zara close, breathing in her scent.

As any six-year-old would, Zara got squirrelly in a short amount of time and sat up, fishing something out of her jumper pocket.

"Your favorite color is blue, right?"

"That's right."

"Great!" she deposited something made of thread into my hand. "Eli's big sister Maureen helped me make this for you."

I unfurled the thread to reveal a green hand-woven bracelet, complete with white daisies.

"Is this a friendship bracelet?"

"Uh-huh." She fixed it on my wrist, making sure it wasn't too tight. "I made it so I can always be with you."

All I could do was give her hand a gentle squeeze to convey my feelings because I was a bit in awe of how much undeserved love she was outing forth. Nick stepped in, sitting on the edge of the bed and scooping Zara into his lap.

"We have something to tell you, but you can't tell anyone until we say okay, alright?"

"I won't spill the beans on a secret about Mandy because I love her so much."

Nick smiled. "Guess what? There are two babies in Mandy's tummy right now, which means that you're going to be a big sister!"

Much to our bewilderment, big fat puppydog tears began falling down her face.

"What's the matter? Why the tears, huh?"

"Because I'm happy! You and Mandy love each other, Mandy loves me and I'm gonna be a big sister, which means that we all got our happy ever, ever after!"

"I guess we did, didn't we?" he wiped some of her tears. "We're all happy now, and that's what matters. Guess what else, niña?"

Zara blew her nose on some tissues and tossed them in the garbage bin. "What else, daddy?"

"Being this happy already just goes to show that you're going to rock at being a big sister!"

Now Zara began to glow with pride. "Hooray!"

I reached over and held her hand again. "Is there anything you want to tell the babies?"

"Could I just hug your tummy, mama?"

The last part threw me for a loop. "What'd you call me?"

"Mama, because that's what the babies are going to call you, right?"

"Yeah, but I don't want you to forget about the mama whose tummy you grew in."

"I won't, but she's my _mommy. _You're my mama because I get to see you all the time and you're way nicer. That's the difference."

With that, I pulled her close again and draped one of her arms across my baby bump. Zara actually stayed still this time until the doctor came back to finally remove the IV drip from my system and give me a few chocolate pudding cups to try.

When the doctor left, Zara noticed I was reluctant to eat. "What's wrong, mama?"

I didn't have the courage to tell her I was worried about something juvenile, so Nick told her for me.

"She hasn't eaten for awhile, and she's also been tossing her cookies lately."

Zara wrinkled her nose and wiggled away from me. "Gross!"

"That's true, but mama is also worried about throwing up again."

"Hmm… then maybe you can find a bucket and hold her hair back if it happens. I'll tell her cheery things if she starts crying because she's finally safe, and now she needs all the cheering up she can get. Plus, we're a family, and in a family, everybody takes care of each other."

"You are so right, Zara." I told her. "Will you hand me a pudding cup?"

She diligently cracked one open and handed it over, along with a spoon. I thanked her and ate a scoop of the pudding cautiously. Nick and Zara watched me apprehensively but grinned matching grins when I was able to get through it without feeling queasy.

"Zara, did you eat dinner?"

"I did!"

"Fantastic—do you have room for chocolate pudding?"

"I do!"

"Would you like some?"

"Yes, please!"

"Here you go." I nudged one of the pudding cups and an extra spoon towards her. "You only get one, though."

"Because you're growing two babies in your tummy?"

"Exactly."

Zara giggled and tucked into her pudding. "This is good."

"Please don't talk with your mouth full, baby."

She swallowed and giggled again. "Okay, I won't!"

"May _I_ try some?" Nick asked in a tone of extreme politeness.

"No!" Zara squawked at him.

"Why not?"

"Because Mandy needs it!" she said in an 'as-if' tone.

"On top of which," I added with a laugh. "There are rules against stealing food, especially chocolate, from pregnant women."

"You made that up!" Nick protested.

"I most certainly did not!"

"Did too!"

Zara interrupted, using a tone of mock exasperation. "You two are way silly!"

"And don't you know it, baby girl." I kissed her cheek. "Do you like the chocolate pudding?"

"Totally!"

"Does this mean I can try some now?" Nick asked hopefully.

"No!" we coursed.

"At least I tried."

"That's right," I teased. "And we can leave it at that."

Nick accepted defeat, making plans to get hold of some pudding eventually. That made us laugh at him even more, but even at that, I was very content and happy to be with all of the people I love most—my fiancé , my future stepdaughter and the two babies growing inside me.

I have everything I ever wanted, and I could never ask for more.


	19. Hope Will Lead Us On

**For Sunny because she'll get it when she sees it ;)**

* * *

The following morning, Nick and I had a conversation that we both knew was inevitable.

"We're going to have to tell Cragen that we're together, and that I'm pregnant." I sighed. "We're also going to have to officially tell Fin and Olivia because they're our partners."

"That should be fun…"

"Do you think we're going to get in trouble with IAB? They hate our squad enough as it is."

"We aren't technically partners, so except for stricter fieldwork rules, I think we'll be okay."

"Speaking of 'stricter fieldwork rules,' I'll be on desk duty in a few months. Great."

"But you know it's all going to be worth it."

I grinned and touched a hand to my midriff. "When are we going to officially tell everybody about the babies?"

"What about on your birthday next month, like maybe at a party?"

"I like that idea, but can we start looking for our own place, that's just ours? It would be nice for all of the kids to have a yard to play in, and I want to be with you in a house where we can make our own memories from scratch."

"I was thinking the same thing, mi amor. How do you feel about Queens?"

"That would be perfect—lots of residential neighborhoods, nice houses…"

"Great; I'll start looking for ads in the real estate section later."

I found myself getting emotional again as I thought of the two lives growing inside me.

"So much is happening that I might start crying just because I'm happy."

"That's perfectly okay." He reassured me.

"I wish I had an update on Lucy, Dana and their babies. What have you heard?"

"That Lucy, Dana, Kit and baby Noah are fine."

"What about Rebecca, Rosemarie and Oscar?"

"They're in incubators because they came early, but they're on the mend. Everything you did for all them kept them alive."

I felt a swell of pride in my chest at this, but before I could say anything, Nick got a text summoning him back to the station house. Kissing me and then my baby bump goodbye, he promised to be back later.

No sooner had he left than Alex and Casey appeared in the doorway, the redhead carrying a gift bag.

"Hey, you two!"

I was a bit surprised to see them, but waved them in, happy to have more visitors.

"What's up? Do you have anything on Iago, or whatever his name really is?"

"Abbie and Serena are running point on the case, and I'm sure one of them will be by later to talk about it." Alex told me as she and her wife sat by my bed. "Xander is concerned about you, so we promised him we'd come check on you."

"Bless all of your hearts. How does he even know that I'm here?"

"Zara told Xander who told us. I won't be surprised if they end up married to each other in the future."

"So for their sakes," Casey added, putting the gift bag on my bed. "We should probably start working on being friends outside of work, which is why we brought you a present!"

"You didn't have to."

"No, but we wanted to and if Xander finds out that we came without some kind of gift, he'd lecture us about impoliteness. Go on and open it!"

Laughing at her nervous babbling, I pulled out four multicolored skeins of knitting yarn, along with a set of steel knitting needles. It isn't widely known that I took up knitting during my first pregnancy, or that even after Olivia passed, I still found the time to make more baby things to donate to the local hospital for needy babies. When Kim robbed me, she took my knitting things, and I haven't had the heart since to get new material.

"Thank you both so much!" I enthused. "If I wasn't on such strict bed rest, I'd hug you both right now."

Casey waved a hand of dismissal. "Don't worry about it, Amanda. Do you like your knitting things?"

"Very much."

Already, I was working on a hat for Zara, but mostly in effort to fight the lump in my throat. The only way that Alex and Casey would've known about this would've been if they'd asked Nick…

"How are the babies?" (Anything for a change of subject!) "I've been meaning to ask for awhile."

"They're great; thanks for asking." Alex beamed, her fingers tracing shapes over her massive belly. "We're both at thirty weeks and this one loves to kick me, especially when I'm trying to work."

"Delaney, here," Casey tapped her own baby bump. "Is almost worse than Violet, but is polite enough to sleep when I do."

"So you're having baby girls called Violet and Delaney?"

Both attorneys nodded.

"Those names are beautiful."

"Thanks!" they chimed in unison.

"How'd Xander take it when you first told him about the babies?"

Alex was all smiles. "He was totally over the moon and still is."

"In fact," Casey tacked on. "Xander talks to Delaney and Violet so much that they kick more and harder when they hear his voice."

"That's really precious." I commented, quickly checking the yarn stitches. "They're all going to be close when they're older."

"Why do you sound wistful?"

"I wish my sister and I had been that close because then we might not have had a falling out."

"I know what you mean—I had a falling out with my whole family."

"How'd _that _happen?"

Alex tried to steer us away from that topic. "You don't need to hear that while you're healing!"

"Too late." I turned back to Casey. "Why'd you have a falling out with your family? Are you even from New York?"

"You're good." The older woman smiled. "I'm actually from a farm just outside of Blue Springs, Missouri and I grew up on it with lots of animals, both of my parents, and six older brothers and one older sister."

"You have _seven _siblings?" I gaped.

"It goes Jebadiah Junior, Humphrey, Cyrus, Oswald, Thelonius, Felix and Virginia. I, Cressida-Jean, am at the 'bottom of the heap,' according to my siblings, which is ridiculous because Virginia is my identical twin, and she's older than me by all of ten minutes."

"Jebadiah Junior, Humphrey, Cyrus, Oswald, Thelonius, Felix, Virginia and Cressida-Jean." I echoed. "Must've been a crowded house, even for a farm."

"You have no idea, and it was hard enough because I was the only one who dreamed of getting out of Missouri. Both of my parents died of old age a few months ago, but Junior took over the farm last year and Humphrey, Cyrus, Oswald, Thelonius and Felix are farmers on their own farms in the area now. Virginia is a polygamist and moved to Utah five years ago. Now she has one husband and two wives, and the last time we saw everybody, Virginia was carrying babies fourteen and fifteen."

"Good God."

"My siblings were and still are traditionalists in their own ways, but never once dreamed of doing anything spectacular, even when we were little, so when I told them that dad's Vietnam War stories as a helicopter pilot inspired me to do something spectacular with my own life, they told me that I was dumb and would be better off as a housewife."

"So becoming a lawyer was what, an act of defiance?"

"Definitley. I maintained a perfect GPA for all of high school, which eventually landed me an all-expenses paid trip to New York for a sleep away pre-law summer program, followed by a full-ride to four years of college and three years of law school, all at Columbia University. Nobody in my family cared because they were so upset I left farm life. My education choices were the beginning of the discord, but not quite the tipping point."

"Then what was?"

"Humphrey got married, so Alex and I went down to Blue Springs together. Only thing was that nobody knew about my sexual orientation until then, and it was like the gates of hell opened that day. Stupid Virginia was the ringleader and got everybody, my parents included, to turn against me. We were back on the plane to Manhattan a few hours later, and we haven't been back to Missouri since."

"I'm so sorry."

Casey shrugged. "It's no big deal; they're bullies and we don't need to raise our kids around them."

"They're still your family." I pointed out.

"They're people that we used to know." She corrected. "But on the bright side, Alex's father, Tinford, welcomed me with open arms when I became a Cabot. He also dotes on Xander, is just as over the moon about the babies, and just because he loves being a grandfather, Tinford even set up college funds for all three of the kids."

"What a swell guy. How does Missus Cabot feel about all this?"

Alex gave a sad sigh. "She isn't with us anymore, but if she was, she'd go back down to Blue Springs to give the Novaks a piece of her mind."

"What about Xander's mother?"

"Sarahjane was my half-sister by my mother, but that's another story. She was dying from cancer when we met her, but really liked Casey and didn't mind my being gay at all. My sister was a sweetie and I miss her so much even if I only met her once, but I do know that she'd be an ally, too."

I smiled at this but jumped slightly and resumed my knitting when I realized that Casey was waving a hand in front of my face.

"Where'd you go?"

"Nowhere; your story just got me thinking."

"Do tell."

"Your falling out happened for different reasons than mine, but you still got your ending with the woman who is now your wife, and with Xander, Delaney and Violet." I explained. "My relationship with my own sibling is irreparable and what she did is unforgivable, but if she hadn't done it, I wouldn't have any of the blessings that I have right now. Since you and Alex were able to rise above what happened in Blue Springs, then there's hope yet."

"For you and your parents?"

"My dad, no, he's been officially gone from my life since I was five and died in jail before I was ten. I don't remember him at all. I was thinking that there might be hope for me and my mom, but right now it's just a whisper of a hope."

"And every hope starts with a whisper that leads to a clamor."

"Wise words, I'll have to remember those. My mom is also in jail, but your whole story gives me hope, Casey, and if you made it, then so can I. Hope gave you the courage and led you on to not give up, so hope will lead me on, too."

"That's the right attitude!"

A new thought suddenly struck me. "Hey, wait—if you're from Missoura, why don't we ever hear your accent?"

Alex beat her to the punch. "Because it only comes out if she's ticked off at me or drunk."

"Shut up, Alexandra!" Casey hissed.

"Oh, yeah? What are you going to do about it, Cressida-Jean Bluebell Fay?"

Casey turned ruby red very quickly, making me snicker. "I'm never going to complain again about having a clunky middle name."

"What is it?"

"McLaine, my mother's middle name." I laughed at her misfortune. "Being from Missoura with a name like Cressida-Jean Bluebell Fay, you're practically more southern than me."

"This from the Georgia Peach who actually calls my home state _Missoura." _She teased. "You can take a girl out of the south, but you can't take the south out of the girl."

"Amen. That is a true fact."

Now Alex was the one looking thoroughly amused, so I spoke to her in a sardonic tone.

"And where are you from, Princess? What's _your _full name?"

"I'm from The Village, and I confess: I had the privilege of being able to frequent Fifth Avenue, FAO Schwarz and even Barney's when I was growing up."

"Let me guess—you went to an all girl's prep school, didn't you?"

"It was a Catholic school, to boot—Our Blessed Mother Preparatory School for Girls, and I spent twelve long years there."

"You must have a fancier and prettier name than mine and Cressida-Jean's to go with that."

"Alexandra Stephanie Diane Cabot."

"See? We were landed with offbeat names, and you sound like you're from royalty… just promise me that your daughters will have normal middle names."

"I promise they will, don't worry."

"Good. I don't want to have to be the one explaining to the girls why their mothers gave them clunkers."

"Well, you'll be the one teaching them and Xander how to make some home-style dishes." Casey quipped. "Any time _I _try, something goes wrong and Alex laughs at me while Xander puts himself on standby with a fire extinguisher. Please tell me your cooking skills have not taken flight."

"They have not and when I get out of here, I'll come over to your place for a cooking day."

Upon those words, all three of us began brainstorming ideas and deep down inside, I knew it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship with the Cabots.


	20. In Which Amanda Is Ill

**No reviews for the last chapter? Is there anyone out there?**

* * *

Casey and Alex didn't overstay their welcome, only staying for about twenty minutes, leaving at twelve-thirty. I was left to my own devices for a few hours, mostly narrating the daytime talk shows on the TV to the babies while I continued to work on Zara's hat.

Of course, being in a hospital, I had to put up with Doctor Daniels or one of her interns coming to check on me every hour. (Because of the twins, I've been declared a high priority case) Around two o'clock, Doctor Daniels came back and sat with me while I tried to eat some pudding again. Much to my embarrassment, I couldn't keep the food down and ended up spewing the pudding spectacularly. Twice.

Doctor Daniels went on to ask a few more questions and do a few more tests, diagnosing me with acute morning sickness, which meant in the long run that I'd have to be staying in the hospital for a little bit longer.

The first thing I did after the doctor left was call Nick to update him on the situation. He took away some of my distress by telling me that he was on the way to come see me, and that Abbie and Serena were on the way, but for official business.

Nick gave me a fifteen minute estimated time of arrival since they were carpooling, but it was Abbie that arrived to my room first.

* * *

"Hey, councilor." I greeted her as she sat by my bed. "Where are Nick and Serena?"

"They should be along any minute." The dark-haired woman told me. "They have a pit stop to make."

"A pit stop?" I echoed.

"I'm told it was Nick's idea, but he needed help and recruited my wife."

"Do you know exactly what this idea is?"

"Oh yes, but if I told, it wouldn't really be a surprise."

"Touché."

Abbie laughed and nodded towards the hat. "You're a knitter, too? Who's the hat for?"

"My sweet Zara." I held up the nearly completed accessory made of dark blue yarn. "What do you think? It's a beret."

"It's really good, Amanda. I knit lots of things for Esther and Moses, but by this time of year, they're both sick of it."

"Does that mean Serena picks up where you leave off with her own knitting projects to torture the kids with?"

"Knitting, no. Crochet, yes."

"Hopefully, Esther and Moses one day develop their own hobbies as far away from knitting and crocheting as possible, for the sake of their own sanity."

Abbie opened her mouth to fire back but was cut off by a knock at the door and looked over to see Nick and Serena helping escort Lucy in, along with two women I guessed to be the other two baby trafficking victims, Dana and Kit.

Although Dana was in a wheelchair, she was beaming and I think it had to do with her being able to hold Noah and looking to the entire world like a proud mama. Nick wheeled Dana's chair up to the side of my bed and I turned to engage her in conversation immediately.

"So you must be Dana. How are you doing?"

"Better, now that Noah and I are safe. Would you like to hold him, Detective Rollins?"

I nodded and held my arms out, so with a bit of help, baby Noah was put into my arms and almost right away, he started making happy cooing noises because he had recognized my scent.

"I'm happy to see you again, little man," I cooed to him. "And I'm so glad that you, your mama and everybody else are safe now."

Noah sighed in response, just happy to be held.

When I looked up, I saw that Lucy and Kit were flanking Dana while Nick, Abbie and Serena had moved back to let the four of us have a private moment.

"There are never going to be enough words to say thank you for everything you did and everything you went through at the place, just to make sure that we'd all come out safe and alive." Lucy began. "We never saw you, but sometimes we could hear through the vents when you cried or when you talked to the babies."

"There will also never be a way to tell you how _relived _we were when we realized you were an undercover cop." Dana added.

"How did you make me?"

"The raid was an obvious tip-off, but before that, it was my gut instinct. Lucy and Kit agreed with me about it, so we did everything possible not to blow your cover."

"Well, thanks for that."

Dana grinned at the praise and I turned to Kit.

"How are your girls? I hear that Rosemarie and Rebecca are in incubators?"

"They are," she nodded. "But my babies are both doing great, and they should be able to go home at the end of the week!"

"Oscar, too." Lucy chirped. "He's also resting in the NICU, and his incubator is next to Rebecca's."

"I—oh…"

Noah was now nuzzling my breasts, trying to get milk to drink and making frustrated noises when he came up empty-handed.

"Silly Noah. You're not going to get anything from there, no matter how much you try."

He continued to be frustrated with me so Kit handed him back to his mother for me as she apologized.

"Sorry about that, detective. Noah is very squirrelly."

"It's okay, Dana. Babies are just like that, sometimes."

The woman smiled. "We should probably be going back, but the main reason we stopped by was to let you know that we've decided to cooperate fully with the police to bring this guy down so that he stays in jail for the rest of his natural life."

I raised my eyebrows at her strong wording and wondered what exactly happened to her in the others in that house, but didn't ask.

"Thank you, all of you. I don't think I've ever had more cooperative witnesses than you three."

They all smiled at the compliment, wished me a speedy recovery and were escorted out by a few nurses. Nick and Serena would've gone with them, but Abbie made them stay because she was ready to talk business.

"Okay, so what is Iago's real name and where is he now?" I asked.

"His name is Mikhail Sokoloff, and he obtained American citizenship to escape his crimes back home in Saint Petersburg."

"What are his charges?"

"Numerous counts of kidnapping, rape, trafficking and murder; we will be able to bury him when the time comes, but for now, he's in The Tombs."

"Awaiting trial?"

Abbie seemed unsure of how to answer, so Serena did. "Yeah, but it's hinging on you because you're an officer of the law who saw firsthand what Lucy, Dana and Kit went through, but you're also in the hospital. Have you been given a release date?"

"I haven't and I was admitted in the first place because my body almost shut down from the dehydration and malnutrition I went through during the seventy-two hours I was under."

"How are you doing now?"

"Regressing." I sighed sadly. "Today I was able to eat some pudding but unable to keep it down. Doctor Daniels diagnosed me with acute morning sickness."

The attorney blinked in surprise. _"Acute _morning sickness? You're pregnant?"

"Seven weeks with twins." I nodded. "Having two of them in there is probably what's making me feel extra crummy."

Abbie nodded sympathetically but remained serious. "I'm happy for you, but now that you've told us that you're expecting twins, there are a few more questions that need asking in the interest of complete disclosure."

"Go ahead; I don't have anything to hide."

"Who is the father of your children?"

"Detective Amaro, here, is the father of my twins."

Nick scooted his little swivel chair closer to me and held my hand in his as he faced at Abbie and Serena.

"We're also engaged, but that news hasn't been made public knowledge yet. Not even my little girl knows."

"How old is she?"

"Six."

"Where is her mother?"

"In Japan, on transfer from the army. We're divorced now."

"How long have you and Detective Rollins been in a romantic relationship?"

"Unofficially, since April. Officially, seven weeks now."

Abbie seemed satisfied, so she turned to confer with her wife. "Any more questions?"

Serena shook her head and looked at me. "I understand completely about being bedridden during pregnancy on account of nausea because that happened to me when I was carried Moses. If you don't mind, I would like to hear your doctor's opinion for myself about whether you're well enough to stand trial in two days."

It turned out that I wasn't and even when we asked, Doctor Daniels also said no to me being released even for a few hours. Her reason was that since I'm unable to keep down anything but water, there's no telling when I might accidentally vomit something back up or if I'd pass out from all of this.

As Daniels left, she told us that she wouldn't have any objections if someone like a judge came to record my testimony and the second she left, Serena was already pulling out her phone.

"Judge Petrovsky is away visiting family in New Mexico, but if I call Judge Donnelly soon, I'm sure she'd agree to come."

"She's overseeing the case?"

"Yes, and—Detective Rollins, what's so funny?"

I'd been laughing because the way she'd talked about calling the judges, it sounded so casual.

"You have Lena Petrovsky and Elizabeth Donnelly on speed dial?"

"Indeed I do. Not every DA around here ruffles their feathers because that's more a Casey and Alex thing. Abbie and I are more by the book."

"Then what does that make Casey and Alex?"

"An idealist and a revolutionary. Life with them as friends and colleagues is never, ever dull."

"Amen to that. Go ahead and call Donnelly."

After a brief phone call, Serena officially informed me that Judge Donnelly was on her way to the hospital with a video and tech team to officially record my testimony.

I'm glad, because the sooner it's done, the sooner I can sleep.

Never in my life have I been so tired.


	21. Everything Will Be Okay

Within fifteen minutes of the phone call, Judge Elizabeth Donnelley arrived to take my testimony and while her tech team got their camera and tripod ready, she sat next to my bed while Nick, Abbie and Serena excused themselves out to the hallway. I was a little taken aback when she greeted me warmly because rumor has it that this is the woman that Alex Cabot adapted her 'Ice Queen' persona from.

"How are you doing, detective? The councilors informed me of your condition."

I touched a hand to my baby bump, smiling a little. "It's two steps forward and one step back, your honor."

"I completely understand because I went through the same thing for almost the whole first trimester of carrying my son, August."

"Ouch."

"I was never so sick in my entire life, but that's just between us, okay?"

"Alright."

The older blond turned towards the tech team.

"Is everything ready?"

"Just say the word, Judge," one of the techies replied. "And we can start recording."

Once the camera was rolling, Donnelly put her game face on, addressing me.

"Can you tell me your full name, age, birthday and where you were born?"

"My name is Detective Amanda McLaine Rollins, and I'm thirty-one years old. I was born on August sixteenth, nineteen eighty-one in Loganville, Georgia."

"Will you please give a full account of what happened while you were undercover for the past three days?"

By the time I was done and the tech guys were packing up the equipment, I was fighting to stay awake. Judge Donnelly was very sympathetic and wished me Godspeed in my recovery, as did Abbie and Serena. When they were all gone, I could barely keep my eyes open, so Nick laid next to me and cradled me close.

"Go ahead and sleep, babe. I'll wake you if someone stops by."

"O-okay." I mumbled around a yawn. "Thanks."

When I woke a bit later, it was to the sight of Nick sprucing up my room in a slightly frantic manner.

"What's the matter, mi amor?" I laughed. "Are Adele and Zara coming?"

Nick looked up from the flower vases he was rearranging and came over to kiss my brow.

"They already came by while you were asleep, which was three hours ago, by the way."

"Ugh. I feel like a slug right now!"

Nick opened his mouth to respond, but I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Don't even try responding to that one."

He wisely switched back to the original topic. "It's actually the captain who's coming by, and he should be here any minute."

This got my attention. "Nick, we're going to have to tell him about us and about the babies, too."

"Which is why I'm nervous. Amanda, I love you so much and if we get in trouble because of the rules, I don't know what I'd do."

He looked like a sad little boy, so I pulled him close to me so that I was holding him this time.

"I love you, too, and I can't imagine the rest of my life without you there because you're the one I've been waiting for." I kissed his cheek. "Nothing will ever separate us because at the end of the day, we're able to come home to each other and Zara, plus, in a little under seven months, we're going to be welcoming two more kids into the family. We're also getting married, Nick, and I could never ask for anything more because I haven't been this happy in a very long time."

"When was the first?"

"When I was pregnant with Olivia and she kicked me for the first time. Also the first time I held her." I gave Nick's hand a gentle squeeze. "No matter what Captain Cragen tells us in the terms of consequences and reprimands, none of it will ever intimidate me or be able to keep me from loving you and the kids. We're going to be just fine."

He took a few deep breaths and touched his forehead to mine. "We're going to be fine…"

"That's right." I encouraged. "Let's just worry about getting through the boss' visit, hmm? I will always love you, Nick, and it'll be over my dead body that anybody tells us no about all of this."

My fiancé grinned and got in one last toe-curling, smoldering kiss before pulling away to reign himself in. Good thing, because Captain Cragen came knocking on my door with a few minutes later with a vase of wildflowers for me. Once he put the flowers down and we all exchanged pleasantries, Cragen looked from Nick to me with raised eyebrows.

"Whatever it is you two are sitting on, go ahead and say it."

I let out a breath I didn't even know I'd been holding. "Nick and I are a couple now."

"Is that all?" the old man smiled kindly. "I saw this coming for a long time, and I couldn't be any happier for you two."

"S-so you're okay with it?" I could hardly believe my luck. "We're not in trouble?"

"I'm totally okay with it, Rollins and the last time I saw a bond as tightly knit as yours and Amaro's was when Benson and Stabler finally realized they loved each other."

I was about to respond when Nick just blurted his thoughts out. "Sir, we're engaged and Amanda is carrying twins."

"Way to go, Nick." I sighed, throwing up my hands in exasperation. "Believe it or not, I was working up to that."

He apologized immediately. "Sorry, Amanda. I guess I got carried away."

"More like you jumped the gun."

"I _said _sorry!" he protested.

Captain Cragen found our banter amusing because he was watching us the way a father does when he watches his children squabble.

"Well, it looks more congratulations are in order; good thing I brought flowers."

"They _are _lovely." I told him. "Thanks."

He nodded in acknowledgement. "How far along are you?"

"Almost eight weeks, but not a lot of people know that I'm even pregnant or about the engagement."

"Fair enough; mum's the word." He promised. "We'll hammer out the details of your workload when you come back, but you're going on strict desk duty when you hit five months, no arguments."

"I promise you won't be getting any from me."

"Sir, what about IAB?" Nick asked cautiously. "We gave you full disclosure, but we're also going to have to give them full disclosure, too and from what I've heard, Lieutenant Tucker has had it in for our squad since before Olivia joined."

"Since you two aren't technically partners, there won't be any real trouble from Tucker and if there is, let me worry about him."

Now it was Nick's turn to let out a breath. "So we're good?"

"One hundred percent." The captain turned smug. "Now that you two have admitted your relationship, this means that Munch, Fin and Melinda owe me fifty bucks each. I said that one of the two of you would fess up by mid-July, and here we are."

I shook my head and laughed. "Why am I not surprised that this would happen, and why didn't Olivia put money down?"

"She was in Europe at the time," he stood and got ready to go. "I need to be going, to prep for the trial. My best wishes and congratulations to you both."

"Thank you." We chimed in unison.

When he was gone, I turned to Nick and smiled.

"See, we're good; everything is going to be okay. There is nothing to worry about."

For the first time all day, Nick finally looked completely at ease. "Nothing to worry about."

He planted kiss on my lips and then moved down to my belly, planting a few kisses there and stroking it with gentle affection and speaking to the twins in a quiet voice.

"See, babies? Mama and I are going to be just fine."

My heart was already turning to mush and Nick realized it, so he took things a step further by resting his head next to my belly as he continued talking to the twins.

"I love your mama so much, and you know what? I get to see her every day at home with your big sister Zara, but I also get to see her every day at work, too. Mama and I are detectives, which means that we chase bad guys and put them away. We have so many stories to tell, but one of my favorites to tell is about the first day I met her…"


	22. One Month Later

**Anybody out there?**

* * *

_One month later, August 16 _

_Amaro-Rollins house _

_Astoria, Queens _

* * *

Mikhail was convicted and sent to prison for life in record time. I never have to worry about him again.

That's a really good thing because I have other, more important things to think about.

I'm now officially twelve weeks pregnant and enjoying every minute of it, especially since the babies are healthy and my body is finally back in working order. I'm also starting to look pregnant instead of just feeling it.

After looking at only three houses during the house hunting process, Nick and I found a perfect one in a great neighborhood, and we were fortunate enough to be able to move in to it just two weeks later. Our new house is perfect in every way, and there's even an extras bedroom that Nick says we can turn into a bedroom for the next baby. I told him to not get ahead of himself.

The best part about our neighborhood is who our neighbors are—Olivia and Elliot live to the left of us, and Alex and Casey are on the right. Even Trevor Langan and his husband Jude live down the street, next to a big park. To say that Zara is happy about being so close to her friends is an understatement; she's actually very ecstatic.

In the long run, Nick and I couldn't ask for more because we're just so happy.

* * *

Today is my thirty-second birthday, and it's been by best one yet because among other things, I was treated to hot wake-up sex, presents and breakfast in bed, all from Nick. Later, before I went to wait with Zara for the bus, she gave me a picture of the two of us she made for me and framed in art class on her first day of school at the beginning of the week. I made a big deal about how much I loved it, and she boarded the school bus feeling very proud.

My birthday party is also doubling as a housewarming party, and since I happen to have two days off, I've been cleaning and preparing for it all day. Olivia came over a few hours ago to tell me that she also has time off today and volunteered to help me get ready. At the moment, she's on a grocery run and should be back soon.

As a treat for Zara, we told her that she could also have some school friends over for a slumber party. That's how I found myself sitting at the kitchen table at four-thirty in the afternoon with not only Zara, but also Xander, Eli, Esther, Maksim and Imogen. They were all done with homework, but for some reason, Xander just shut down in the middle of the conversation, looking lost in thought.

* * *

"Come on, Xander." I smiled at him. "What's the matter?"

The little blond boy gave a shaky sigh. "Promise you won't laugh?"

"I definitely won't, kid." Looking at the others, I raised my eyebrows. "What about the rest of you?"

Zara's answer was immediate and serious. "Of course not, mama; I'm no meanie."

Eli, Esther, Maksim and Imogen all responded quickly.

"I'm not a meanie, either!"

"Neither am I, Amanda!"

"Xander's my buddy, so I could never be a meanie to him!"

"He protects _me _on the playground , so there's no way _I _could tease him for anything!"

Hearing these words of comfort, Xander finally smiled and became himself again.

"We're learning about families and stuff at school, and it made me think."

"About what?" I asked.

"My daddy became an angel when I was a baby and now my mama Sarahjane is also an angel, so that's how come I live with my Auntie Allie and my Auntie Casey."

"Your aunties are cool people."

Xander grinned at the praise. "I'm also super excited about Delaney and Violet, but sometimes it just feels kinda weird. I love the babies and my aunties very much, but still… do you know what I mean?"

"One hundred percent, little man. Things were wonky when I was a kid and for a long time, it was only me and my sister."

Zara tacked her thoughts on. "Xander, the mama whose tummy I grew in, she lives in Japan and is divorced from daddy now . That makes me kinda sad, but not _too_ much because Mandy's here now and she loves me and daddy a lot."

"The same thing happened in my family," Eli cheerfully supplied. "Except my mom went to California, and my dad married Livvie. I'm even going to be a big brother because Livvie has twin babies in her tummy!"

From across the table, Maksim spoke up in a matter-of-fact tone. "Me and Immy were adopted from Russia when we were three by Papa Trevor and Daddy Jude. They love us very, very much and are the best daddies ever. You can borrow one of them if you want."

Not wanting to be outdone by her own brother, Imogen added her two cents. "Maks and me are getting two new siblings because Papa and Daddy are picking up our new little sisters in China right now. We were only going to get Florence first, but Céline is her best friend forever, so now we also get to bring _her _home, too. Florence and Céline are two, but we're mega excited to meet them, just like you're mega excited about Violet and Delaney and Eli is about the babies in Livvie's tummy."

Now Xander was looking as overwhelmed from his friends' outpouring of unconditional affection, so Esther decided to round things out and put the icing on the cake. In a good way.

"Xander, I'm already a big sister, but I have two mommies and that's kinda like how you have Auntie Allie and Auntie Casey now. Maybe if they become friends with my mama and my mommy, it wouldn't feel so weird after awhile!"

Ever the fluff ball of joy, Esther got off her chair and hauled Xander to her feet and hugged him. Zara, Eli, Maksim and Imogen all got up from their chairs and surrounded Xander in a group hug. For a moment, the kids forgot I was even there allowing me to move away and quietly take a picture.

I suddenly heard Olivia pull her car into the driveway, so it was with reluctance that I brought the kids back to reality.

"Okay, everybody! Olivia's here, so that means it's time to help bring in the groceries!"

"But I don't live here!" Eli protested. "I live next door!"

"Yeah," Zara hissed at him. "But Livvie has _food, _and she's _your _mama, silly goose! You can't not help her out, especially when she's growing two babies in her tummy!"

Eli realized she was right and just let it go, looking to me with the rest of his crew for instruction.

"Did everybody finish their homework?"

"Yes!" they chorused.

"Excellent, now put it away in your backpacks and meet me in the driveway!"

The following flurry of activity allowed me to slip outside to Olivia, who was leaning against her car, watching me. At twenty-one weeks pregnant with twins and dressed a blue sundress and black flats, my friend was emanating radiance, but the smug grin on her face remained the same as ever.

"What?" I asked warily.

"Did it take you this long to come outside because you were busy getting your baby ducks in a row?"

"No." I laughed, smoothing out my own dress and touching a hand to my baby bump. "Some of it's due to Zara stopping to talk to these two, and also because making sure six kids put their backpacks away and put their dishes in the sink takes time."

"But you're having fun being the mama duck to everybody?"

"Yes."

"That's what I thought." She chirped. "Motherhood looks great on you, Amanda, you're a natural."

I opened my mouth to fire back, but nothing came out because I knew she was correct.

A split second later, the side door opened and Eli came out first to hold it open, acting as the self-appointed 'big brother' to his friends. Olivia and I found ourselves pretty much surrounded by everybody, practically begging for groceries to take in for us.

All the while, I thought about the motherhood remark.

I have to agree—Olivia is right.


	23. Sidebar

When Nick arrived, we went upstairs for a few minutes to have a moment alone to trade kisses and touches while he filled me in on his day. Upon returning to the kitchen, Olivia told us that Fin, Melinda and their little granddaughter had arrived and were in the backyard with Zara and her posse. Nick joined them, so I went back to Olivia at the counter and started peeling a pile of carrots that she was chopping up for a veggie platter.

"How far along are you?" she asked.

"Exactly twelve weeks and feeling fantastic! The babies love to wiggle, and it always makes me happy. How about you and your little ones?"

"We're all going great." Olivia arched her back slightly, accommodating her twins. "I'm twenty-one weeks now, and my baby boys kick the crap out of me for sport."

"You're having boys?"

Olivia nodded proudly.

"Oh, that's great!"

"So great in fact, that when they're born, I'm going to be way more outnumbered by the male gender in my house than I already am!"

"Seriously?"

She nodded. "Maureen and Kathleen both moved out years ago and Richard and Elizabeth just moved out to their own places in the city three weeks ago. Calvin will be moving back here from Vermont, and of course, there's my little cuddle bear, Eli. Add him, Calvin and the babies all together, and that makes four boys that Elliot and I will be raising in our house for many more years yet."

"You put away hardened criminals for a living, though." I slid a pile of the peeled carrots towards her and started peeling the next few. "Olivia Beverly Rose, you're the strongest woman I know and I've seen you make grown men cry. You will most certainly be able to handle parenting for boys."

Olivia suddenly winced. "Jeez…"

"Are you alright? Should I get Elliot?"

"No, no need. The babies are very active right now; they're usually like this more towards the evening."

I put down my vegetable peeler and moved to face her, but took a step back when she grit her teeth and let out a curse in Italian.

"Porca troia!"

"Sometimes I forget you speak Italian…"

"Twin B, down here," she set her cutting knife down and ran a finger along the lower half of her big belly. "Has decided to start kicking and turning over for no reason in particular."

I winced sympathetically and briefly wondered if my own babies would kick me that hard.

"What about Twin A?"

"He was kicking Twin B in retaliation, and has been elbowing me, totally fed up."

"Poor little guy. How is he now?"

"He's got one of his palms pressed up against me. Feel."

She took my hand and placed it against the upper side of her bump. Sure enough, I could feel the impression of a little palm pushing up against my own because he seemed to like the pressure.

That lasted for about ten seconds before he turned his back on us.

"Now he's all 'funned out' for the time being." Olivia shook her head and resumed chopping the vegetables. "I really hope they start chilling."

"Can I ask you something, Liv?"

"Sure."

"Is it weird to have me as a friend?"

"Not one iota. Why do you ask?"

"I'm two years older than your oldest daughter."

"I've never thought about that, but way to make me feel old!"

"In your defense, you've got that whole fountain of youth effect going on, so most people wouldn't believe your true age if you told them, which is…?"

"Closer to fifty than I'd like." She shuddered. "In all seriousness, though, age is just a number. That's why it's never been such a big deal to me that you're only two years older than Maureen, or even seven years older than Kathleen, for that matter."

"Thanks." I grinned appreciatively. "Sometimes being the baby of the squad is a little hard."

"I was in that position for quite a few years."

"Who dethroned you?"

"Detective Chester Lake, but we don't talk about him, especially if Casey is around."

"What happened?"

"Chester turned rogue during a cop killing case, and Casey helped cover it up."

"No!"

"I'm afraid so. At the time, she believed it was right and she really took it hard because she and Chester were close friends. The whole thing ended with him getting arrested then fired, and her getting suspended for a year. The balance in the squad wasn't truly restored until the night Casey came to see us with Alex and Xander."

"Wow…"

She waved a hand of dismissal. "Enough drama talk, though. What's in the past is in the past."

"It's all better than Rollins family drama, which the whole squad is more than aware of." I replied dryly. "Can Stabler family drama compete with my family's?"

"Perhaps."

"Try me," I dared. "And start with exactly why Calvin is coming back to New York."

"Both of his grandparents had strokes within hours of each other last week, and are in rest homes now. They've decided to hand complete guardianship to Elliot and me. We intend to adopt Calvin."

"Is he excited to be coming back here?"

"Extremely."

"That's great!" I smiled. "What other drama do you have in your arsenal?"

"Richard is about to propose to a girl he met at service camp seven years ago, Mariah, and Elizabeth is newly engaged."

"Good for both of them! Do you have any info about this Mariah chick or even Elizabeth's fiancé?"

"Mariah is actually moving up here with her mom and siblings from one of the southern states as I understand it, and Elizabeth is engaged to Judge Donnelly's son, August."

I raised my eyebrows. "How does it feel to know that you and your husband will be related by marriage to a judge who has a love/hate relationship with our squad and an 'I'll put the fear of God in you' relationship with Casey and Alex?"

"It's going to be a real trip, that's for sure. Want to hear something else?"

"Go for it."

"Kathleen is pregnant with her first baby!"

"More great news!"

She nodded. "Yeah, but she thinks she's hiding it from us, and Elliot and I can't figure out why she's pregnant."

"When a man and a woman love each oth—"

Olivia cut me off by stuffing a carrot slice in my mouth.

"I'm in my second trimester of carrying identical twins—I _know _how babies are made!" she huffed while I quickly ate the carrot. "We've figured she's undergone IVF, but she told me once that the only time she'd get married is if she's in a happy and healthy relationship that's headed towards marriage, or if she's already married."

"What makes you so sure she did IVF and not the old fashioned way?"

"She's a lesbian, Amanda."

"Oh." I blushed. "My bad."

"You didn't know, it's okay. She's never been into guys in a serious way for as long as I've known her, and she's a woman of her word."

"So this means that Kathleen has a girlfriend and is in an important enough relationship that she's pregnant?"

"That's the way it looks, but now the task is figuring out who the lucky woman i—"

Olivia stopped suddenly, hearing a noise behind her. I followed her gaze and saw an adorable little three-year-old girl standing a few feet away, watching us curiously. She had milk chocolate colored skin, big brown eyes, a charming smile and was wearing a navy blue sailor dress, white knee-high socks and black patent leather shoes. A navy blue sailor hat sat on top of her mop of the curliest brown hair I'd ever seen, and a white ascot tie was tied around her collar. This kid reminded me of a brown Shirley Temple.

"Hi, little darling." I greeted her. "Are you here with your Nana Melinda and Grandpa Fin?"

"Yep!"

"What's your name?"

"Fable Warner, and I'm three!"

"Where are your parents? Are they coming?"

Fable bobbed her head up and down. "Yeah, but they had to go see the doctors first!"

"Why's that?"

"To check on the babies in their tummies! I'm gonna be a big sister!"

"So you have two mommies?"

"Uh-huh! My mama whose tummy I grew in, she's Kira, and mommy's name is Kathleen!"

"Oh, really?" Olivia inquired.

"Yep," Fable chirped. "And she said that her mama Olivia has two babies in her tummy!"

I snickered as I realized where this was going, but watched Olivia to see how she'd respond.

"You're in luck, Fable, because I'm Kathleen's mama Olivia!"

Fable gave Olivia a radiating grin and then turned to me. "Are you Zara's Mandy?"

"Right again, kid."

She hugged me briefly around as much of my pregnant bulge as she could manage and looked up at me.

"Happy birthday, Mandy!"

"Thanks, Fable!"

She smiled at us again before turning around and skipping out of the room in response to Zara calling out to her. I turned to Olivia again.

"Well, it looks like you and Elliot are going to be related to not only Judge Donnelly, but also Melinda and Fin, too."

"This from the one whose daughter is totally smitten with Xander Cabot-Novak." she teased.

"Nick and I thank our lucky stars that Zara is light years away from marrying age." I shot back. "For you and Elliot, it's four kids down and four more to go."

Olivia flustered at this and I laughed at her but sobered up when she narrowed her eyes at me.

"What?"

"Everybody will be here soon so you should go get ready!"

"You're such a mom, Olivia, but I really do like it, no matter how much grief I give you."

She just smiled fondly and waved me away.

* * *

Nick joined me in our bedroom and changed into a new outfit, more casual than his work attire. I was dressed in a turquoise maternity sundress with a sash on the back, but the sash remained untied as I sat on the edge of the bed, thinking.

Concerned, Nick knelt in front of me on the floor and rested his hands on my thighs. "What's the matter, mi amor?"

"We have everything, Nick—we have each other, a daughter and two more kids on the way, great health, jobs we love and are great at, and plus, your mother treats me like I came from her body."

"Yeah, mama really likes you."

My heart flip-flopped. "We also have the squad who adopted us into their family unit when we joined them. The cherry on top is our secret engagment, and that we bought a house in the suburbs together."

"Those are good things, right?" Nick gave my thighs a comforting squeeze. "Are you as happy as I am?"

"Babe, I'm over the moon." I pressed a reassuring kiss to his forehead and held his hand over my heart, smiling at him. "Words alone can't describe my joy."

"Then what's got you looking so distant?"

"I know that we're going to tell people about the engagement and the babies today, but now I have guilt about keeping the engagement from Zara. It feels cruel and I really hope she won't make it awkward later."

"Zara loves you so much, Amanda, and a few days after she came back from Washington, she told me that she wishes I had found you sooner. She's also a six year old kid; if we'd also told her about the engagement, I think she would've spilled the beans out of excitement. Zara can only take so much."

"That's a good point, but she and the babies deserve security and reassurance when it comes to the status of their own family! I especially want that for Zara, after everything she went through…"

Nick pulled me to my feet and tied the sash on my dress. "Look at you, thinking like a mother already. Our kids deserve the best, and one way or another, they'll know what it is."

His words were comforting, but I quickly became distracted as I felt the babies wiggling around again.

"Yeah, I know you two are in there," I griped to my unborn children. "But I just wish I didn't have to wait a few more weeks to feel some kicks!"

Nick nodded absently, but I knew he was really admiring my pregnant figure for a quick minute. I know he likes this dress to begin with because he loves it when I wear turquoise, but also because the sash runs under my bust, which has already grown two full cup sizes. I'm not a fan of that part.

I was pulled into a hug and then taken by surprise as Nick began kissing me gently, starting at my lips and continuing all the way down my throat to my impossible-to-hide belly. If he'd kept going, he would've turned me to putty, so he stopped just in time but turned his attention to the twins.

"Hey, babies—this is your daddy talking, and you know what? No matter what mama says about wishing she could feel both of your kicks, all that really matters is you two taking your time. I love you very much, and so does mama."

The babies relaxed immediately and I smiled, feeling content.

"Do you feel better, Amanda?" Nick asked.

"Yes." I moved to the dresser mirror and started fixing my hair, makeup and shoes. "I feel a lot better."

After I fixed myself up, Nick gave me a kiss full on the lips.

"Go ahead and go downstairs while I finish up here. I think Abbie and Serena just got here, and I heard through the grapevine that Cragen will more than likely be stopping by with Judge Petrovsky."

"Are Don and Lena dating?"

He shrugged. "They're not my parents, so I'm just going with the flow."

"Me, too," I decided. "And good for them if they actually _are _dating."

Nick distracted me with one last kiss and nudged me towards the door.

"Now go have some fun with everybody. It's your birthday, after all."

I gave him a flirty, smoldering smile that I knew would have him weak in the knees and other parts for awhile.

Satisfied, I checked myself in the mirror one last time before heading downstairs.


	24. Didn't See That Coming

When we'd all had our fill of the food and the birthday cake, I started getting nervous about the part that was coming next, so I went back inside to sit down to gather my thoughts.

Nick found me a few minutes later.

"You're not getting cold feet, are you?" he joked.

"If this was a rom-com, that's what you'd be saying to me three days before our wedding…"

"Whoa. Something must really be up if you can relate real life to romantic comedy, the one movie genre you don't like, this fast."

"I'm getting nervous." I admitted, searching his face. "Are you?"

"Absolutely, Amanda, but everyone we love is right outside, and when we tell everybody about the babies, they're all going to be so excited for us." he sat next to me and started tracing shapes on my lower back. "I can even already guarantee something from my mother…"

"What would that be?"

"Baby name suggestions."

"Awww, I bet Adele will have some good suggestions. What kind of names did she suggest when Zara was on the way?"

"Alfonso, Francisco, Joaquin, names like that. Mama is very, very proud of being Cuban."

"And I'm proud of being Southern." I chirped. "What happened when you told Adele that her first grandbaby was actually a girl?"

"Nothing; she just switched to names like Havana and Guadalupe. There's nothing wrong with anything she suggested, but we wanted the name to have some pizazz."

"That's why her name is Sara, but with a z?"

"You got it, although her name reflects her heritage and she's very proud of her whole name."

It suddenly hit me that I didn't even know my future stepdaughter's full name.

"What is it?"

"Zara Pilar Grace Amaro. She loves it."

"As well she should—it's beautiful, and you know what? I thought of two middle names to give to one of our children if one of them is a girl."

"I'm all ears."

"Olivia Adele."

"After my partner and my mother... Our little girl will have a lot of honor to live up to."

"That, and those names are beautiful, anyway. Olivia means olive branch, as in a peace offering, and Adele means noble."

"You've really done the research, huh?"

"Elizabeth Donnelly may or may not have sent me a baby name book as a gift," I confessed. "And Olivia and Adele have been like surrogate mothers to me lately. They're angels on earth, I'm sure of it."

I leaned into Nick's hold as he wrapped a hand around my waist and supported the underside of my belly.

"That's very sweet, Amanda," he told me. "And I love the idea of one of our little ones being named after two very incredible women."

_"If _one of the babies is a girl. They could both be boys, and any son of mine will have a strong _masculine_ name."

"I totally agree, so long as we don't name him after me. No way will our boy be named Nicolas Junior because I was named after my dad, and his favorite thing to do was take his anger out on my mother. I haven't seen him since I was twelve, but it doesn't matter."

"It doesn't, and I promise we'll figure out a better name for our son."

Nick breathed a sigh of relief and kissed my temple. "Thanks, babe."

As much as I wanted to keep cuddling and discus baby names, I forced myself to remember that there was a party happening outside that we needed to return to. Reinforcement appeared about two seconds later in the form of Zara and Fable.

"Hey, you two!" I greeted them as Nick tried to act casual. "What's up?"

"Fable just wanted to be my buddy, so that's why she followed me, and we're holding hands because I don't want her to trip over her feet." (Zara held up their hands for show) "Also—Casey was wondering where you and daddy went."

"So you and Fable decided to be a search party?"

"Yep! Casey would probably do it, but her tummy is kinda ginormous…"

Fable giggled at Zara's comment and then looked to me to see how I'd reply.

"That was nice of you two to come looking for us, but don't go saying words like 'ginormous tummy' around Casey, Alex, Olivia, or even Fable's mothers, for that matter."

"How come? And that's a lot of people to remember!"

Pouting, Zara turned to Nick for help.

"Daddy, why can't I say ginormous tummy? Would it make them all cry?"

"Maybe."

"What? Why?"

"I think it's a mama thing, niña."

"Oh. Mamas with babies on the inside are weird."

"For sure."

I gave Nick a warning nudge. "Watch yourself, buster."

Fable turned to Zara, giggling. "Your parents are funny!"

Zara just smiled and left the room with her, still hand-in-hand. We stared after them.

"Zara's going to be a great big sister. I can't wait to see her hold the babies."

"Me, too." Using Nick's shoulder as leverage, I got to my feet and smoothed out the wrinkles in my dress. "Now let's go tell our family about our upcoming bundles of joy!"

* * *

When we returned to the backyard, I had to keep my fingers intertwined with Nick's to keep myself anchored in the moment because everything was perfect—the sky was clear without a cloud in sight, the adults were all sitting at the picnic tables under the big canopy that we'd set up earlier and the kids were all scattered throughout the yard, playing tag with each other.

The whole atmosphere was almost cliché with perfection and happiness. I didn't want to push our luck and Nick realized it, so he called for everybody's attention and got it immediately.

"Amanda and I would like to thank each and every one of you for being able to make it out here today to see our new house, but more importantly to celebrate the thirty-two wonderful years that Amanda has been on this beautiful green earth."

(I turned bright red as people applauded and whistled, so Nick plowed on)

"You all are going to want to save your applause because Amanda has a very special piece of news to share."

Everybody turned to me immediately, and I just spat it out.

"I'm pregnant with twins!"

My announcement was met with a tidal wave of cheers and for a few minutes, Nick and I were buried in an avalanche of hugs and well wishes from everybody.

Just as Nick had predicted, Adele had struck up a conversation about baby names less than twenty minutes later, and the names all had Hispanic undertones. As interested as I was, I was trying to figure out how to steer the conversation in a different direction.

Lucky for me, Zara chose that moment to saunter up to the table.

"Hi, little darling! What can I do for you?"

"Mama, please may I sit on your lap?"

"Of course you may, baby."

Smiling, Zara climbed up and positioned herself so that she was facing me. Olivia, Casey, Alex, Melinda, her daughter Kira and all three of the Stabler sisters were all were at my table, and upon seeing Zara, they all fell silent to watch.

My little girl traced the outline of my face with her fingers thoughtfully. "I have a question for you."

"I hope I have an answer."

Those words alone sent Zara into a tizzy of laughter, but she quickly regained her composure and pulled out a small black velvet square box from the purse she was carrying. Ever so smoothly, she opened it and looked at me with the most hopeful eyes I'd ever seen from her.

"Amanda, will you please marry me and daddy?"

I felt my heart skip a beat as tears of surprise and happiness formed in my eyes and started falling immediately. Zara was waiting with bated breath for my answer, so I kissed her forehead and started nodding vigorously.

"Yes, my sweet Zara! Yes, I'll marry you and daddy!"

She let out a near ear-shattering squeal of delight and then turned around to face Nick, who was a few feet away, in conversation with Fin, Captain Cragen, Elliot and Judge Petrovsky.

"DADDY, DADDY! MANDY SAID YES! MANDY SAID YES!"

Well, the whole party heard that and erupted into even noisier cheers and applause than they had earlier. In a flash, Zara slid off my lap to make way for Nick who slid the ring onto my left ring finger before pulling me to my feet and kissing me full on the lips with more love and passion than I'd ever felt from him before. If it wasn't for the way he was holding me, supporting the small of my back with his hand to keep me flush to his body, I would've surely melted from the feeling of sheer joy alone. For that, I deepened the kiss first.

This is my best birthday ever, and damn—I'm getting married!


	25. Twenty-Seven Years

As August gave way to September, we didn't get too many high-profile cases, and I was glad because it gave me time to enjoy being pregnant.

Speaking of that, Nick and I learned the genders of the babies at an appointment just now, and we want to tell Zara, so we picked her up from her after school program together and brought her to the park so she'd be in one of her favorite places, but she seems a little out of it.

* * *

"Mija, are you okay?" I asked her as we all sat down on the Great Lawn together. "Daddy and I have something that we want to tell you."

"Are you leaving?" she blurted.

The abruptness and the nature of the question felt like a punch to the gut, and I had to actually rub my eyes to keep from crying. Nick looked as shocked as I felt, but he became the stronger one.

"No, mama isn't leaving us. Why do you ask?"

Zara sighed shakily. "Killian from school, his mama went to Nebraska because she got a divorce from Killian's daddy. Killian didn't go, but when he came to school today, he was really sad and crying a lot, but I sat with him and hugged him."

"That's really nice of you to take such good care of him, though."

"You have a joyful heart," I added, now recovered from my sucker punch. "And I want you to know that I could never ever leave you, daddy, the babies, abuelita or my friends, the way Killian's mother left him."

"Or like how mine did..."

"Or like how yours did."

I smoothed Zara's hair out of her face and smiled at her.

"We have some news for you about the babies."

My little girl perked up immediately. "What news, mama?"

I held her hands over the upper part of my baby bump, where we could feel Twin A's legs bunched together directly under our hands.

"This is your brother."

Zara's eyes went wide with surprise and she was actually trembling with excitement. "I'm getting a brother?"

"That's right, and when he's little and bugging you, no dressing him up and painting his nails, alright?"

"Okay, but what if he asks me to paint his nails, though?"

Visions of my baby boy at age five or so with rainbow-colored nails danced before my eyes, and it took a surprising effort to not laugh.

"We'll see when we get there."

I moved her hands to the lower section of my belly where Twin B was happily moving around.

"This is your sister."

"Oh, wow! I'm getting a brother _and _a sister; I'm so happy!"

Throwing her cares to the wind, she showered my belly with hugs and kisses because she was completely overwhelmed with joy. I didn't even try to stop her, so I turned to Nick and saw that he was watching us happily.

"How did we get so lucky to have a daughter like ours?"

He shrugged and kissed my forehead. "She gets it from you."

I blushed. "You really think so?"

"Absolutely."

* * *

We continued to hang out in Central Park for awhile and just when we started talking about what to eat for dinner, I got a curious call from Cragen.

"Hey, captain! What's up?"

"I need you to come down to the station immediately."

"What's going on? Is there somebody asking for me?"

"Yes, actually."

"What about Nick?"

"It would be best if he comes, too."

"Is it safe to bring Zara? I'm with my family in Central Park."

"You can bring her, and someone will watch her, don't worry."

"Alright, we'll be there soon."

When I hung up, Nick and Zara were watching me.

"Come on you, two." I motioned for them to follow. "We need to go down to the station for a quick minute."

"Mama, how come?" Zara wanted to know.

"Baby, I'm not really sure," I confessed, taking her hand when she offered it. "But somebody is looking for me."

"I hope you're not in trouble."

"Yeah, so do I."

When we arrived at the precinct, Fin immediately volunteered to watch Zara and the second she promised to be on her best behavior, Captain Cragen appeared as if out of nowhere and beckoned us to his office.

"Captain, what's going on?" Nick asked. "Amanda's bookies haven't escaped from jail, have they?"

"No, but this isn't about them." He turned to me. "Does the name Darby Ellis McLaine mean anything to you?"

In the span of ten seconds, I went from surprise to confusion to anger.

"Where the hell is she?"

Nick was taken aback by my sudden change in attitude and moved quickly to the side. Captain Cragen stood square in my path, looking dead serious.

"Rollins, who is Darby Ellis McLaine?"

"Sir, she's my mother and the last memory I have of her is of watching the police officers drag her off to jail as she protested her innocence and begged everyone to make sure that Kim and I weren't separated."

To his credit, Captain Cragen just raised his eyebrows. "I see. And how many years ago was this?"

"Twenty-seven; it was just after my fifth birthday and Kim was like, three weeks old. My dad was already in jail for something else and died there about two years later, when I turned seven. I was told that my mother went to jail with zero chance of parole because she was involved in a bank robbery, and I haven't seen her since."

Beside me, Nick gave my hand a comforting squeeze. "Do you at least want to see Darby? She's probably over in the interview room."

"Yeah, I want to see her…"

The captain pulled the blinds up for me and with a smidgen of hesitancy, I walked over and peered through the one-way mirror at the one person I thought I'd never see alive again.

My mother was sitting at the table, calmly reading a copy of _Othello. _She looked exactly the same as I remembered her, only older, but that's not saying a lot because I look almost exactly like her. I hope that part doesn't spook Nick or get Zara confused.

I noticed that my mother was dressed in some kind of purple billowy dress, and that a sun hat and sunglasses were on the table, resting on top of a nice looking handbag. Her long blond hair had a few noticeable streaks of grey, but the way it was held up in a bun and swept out of her face, she had an overall youthful appearance. I searched her fingers for any kind of wedding ring or engagement ring and felt an odd sense of relief when I didn't spot either.

Nick's voice broke through my thoughts. "No judgment, but Darby looks really young. If you're thirty-two, how old does that make her?"

"Forty-seven." I mumbled, slightly embarrassed. "She had me during high school, and Kim right after she received her GED. To put things in perspective, I'd say Olivia is about the same age as she is."

"And you were five the last time you saw Darby?"

"That's right." I turned back to the captain. "How long has she been here?"

He checked his watch. "About thirty minutes. She's nice enough, but was politely insistent on seeing you."

"Well, now I guess you know where both my looks and my stubbornness came from. Did anyone see her or figure out who she is?"

"They know Darby is here, but I doubt the connection has been made about her ID because she still had her shades on when she came in. I'm assuming that you two are going to go talk to her now?"

"Yes; there's no use in delaying the inevitable. Will you be on standby, just in case things begin to go south?"

"Of course."

Nick started steering me towards the door. "Now you're just stalling. Let's go talk to Darby, huh? Like you said—there's no use in delaying the inevitable, _especially _if she's already been waiting for awhile."

I agreed, albeit reluctantly because of the way the babies kept reacting to my insane stomach butterflies.

When we stopped in front of the interview room door, I stopped suddenly because I was attacked with a wave of second thoughts.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" Nick asked, tracing shapes on my back.

"Only if you want to."

"Well, she _is _my future mother-in-law."

"Touché, but I never thought I'd see her again, and I certainly didn't expect for her—even in my dreams—to leave jail, leave _Georgia, _and come up here to find me."  
"What's the big deal about leaving Georgia? Mama and I left Florida when I was a kid and made waves, but we still did it."

"You were going to find out eventually, so I might as well tell you now. My family is from a poorer-than-dirt trailer park in Loganville." I sighed heavily; I hate talking about my childhood. "Thank the lord it's not in redneck territory, but it's just as bad."

"Anything you tell me now or ever could never change how I see you, Amanda."

"I grew up in 'white trailer trash' territory, the kind of place that nobody leaves because even if they wanted to, they're too poor to. My Meemaw—my grandmother—hasn't left, so far as I know."

"Then how did you and Kim get out?"

"Meemaw raised us, but when I turned sixteen, she got me emancipated and kicked us both to the curb. It took a few years, but I got us out of Loganville. What concerns me is that I remember my mother as a somewhat educated woman with big aspirations to get away from my dad, and to bring Kim and me to New York to start over, that never happened because she spent the last twenty-seven years in a Georgia jail. I have so many questions, Nick, like when did she get out? _Why _did she get out? How did she know to come _here?_"

"Well, she looked pretty put together when we saw her just now, and she was reading Shakespeare. To me, that says that she had a serious turnaround in jail or she kept her nose to the ground and stayed out of trouble for twenty-seven years."

When I couldn't think of anything to refute him, I just pouted.

"I've spent most of my life being mad at her, and I don't know what to feel right now."

"But that doesn't change that Darby is your mother. If not for her, then you and I wouldn't know each other at all, Zara would be an inconsolable child of divorce, and these two little wonders would've never happened." Nick kept a hand on the small of my back and rested the other one on the swell of my baby bump. "Amanda, we owe your mother so much, starting with how she gave you not only the gift of life, but also the gift of being able to hope for, dream about and achieve getting something bigger and better for yourself. Not everyone in the world has either parent who would share that kind of love with their kids."

"That's an unfortunate fact, and we see it at work all the time…"

Nick made soothing noises and moved a hand to the spot where the babies were both squirming around, and I melted into his touch, holding both of my hands over his and wishing more than ever that the babies would just start kicking me already.

Standing there with my future husband, reveling in the feel of our two little miracles, and after a brief moment, I pulled away from Nick and entered to where my mother was waiting.


	26. Darby

The second we entered the room, mom put down her book and when she saw me, she became ecstatic.

"Hi, baby! Oh, look at you, all grown up and so beautiful!"

"No!" I snarled. "You do not get to come in here after almost thirty years and be like 'Hi, baby!' especially when my last memory of you is watching you get dragged off by police officers in the middle of the night in front of everybody!"

"Okay, I deserved that, but Meemaw took care of you two—"

"She did that grudgingly, and the second I turned sixteen, she kicked us to the curb because she got me emancipated!" I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. "I was five years old, and taking care of a three week old baby because my happy and loving mother had suddenly turned into an alcoholic, and after you were gone, I barely made it through kindergarten because I the only person that Kim ever felt happy with!"

"The sins of the parent do not define the child!"

I chose not to say anything, so she capitulated and turned to Nick. "You must be Adele's boy, Nick! She spoke so highly of you, and please allow me to thank you for everything you did for Amanda!"

"You're welcome, and Amanda is the best friend I've ever had, so I'd do anything for her in a heartbeat." Nick shifted his weight from one foot to the other, confused. "You know my mom, Miss McLaine?"

"Call me Darby." She insisted. "Adele and I met through chance, and once she found out that I was in a hotel, she offered me the spare bedroom in her house—"

"You're an ex-con!" I interrupted.

"No need to remind me!" (If looks could kill, the expression she gave me would've had me dead on the spot) "What exactly do you remember from that last night?"

"Just you insisting that you were framed by daddy."

"And that was the truth. Your father successfully framed me for a bank robbery but still got arrested later on for a separate issue because he was never the sharpest tool in the shed."

Mom rubbed her temples, trying to forget.

"Why didn't you ever come visit me? Kim always came because she wanted to get to know me."

"You did _not _just ask me that! Even if I'd wanted to come, I couldn't because I was always working, keeping my grades up and keeping Kim out of trouble!"

"I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that."

"Don't even start with that fake sympathy crap."

_"Fake? _Amanda, I am your mother and I have loved you from the moment I knew that you were on the way. The only thing that truly makes me sad—besides missing out on yours and Kim's childhoods—is that I had to find out from her that you had a baby six years ago? Why didn't you even _call _to tell me about my first grandbaby, or that she had even passed away?"

"I loved my Olivia Grace and I always will because I was thrilled to pieces to be a mother, but I was also trying to forget how she was made!"

"Why?"

"I was _raped _while I was _undercover _by a drunk, trigger-happy professional hit man who injected me with a drug that kept me awake and unable to move the whole time! When I was in therapy for that and then grief counseling after Olivia died, I also had to deal with how everyone in my squad looked at me!"

"What do you mean?"

"I was a member of the Atlanta Special Victims Unit who had decided to keep the child of my rapist, and in this field, what I did is unheard of because you have to be hardcore, seeing as how the SVU is traditionally dominated by men and—what?"

Mom was taking deep cleansing breaths because clearly, something had gotten under her skin.

I turned to Nick to see what he had to say, but my heart plummeted when I saw how incredibly sad he looked.

That's when it hit me—he'd just found out the truth about my daughter.

He wasn't supposed to find out like this, but now he knows and it makes me feel like dirt.

"Nick…"

"It's okay, mi amor. We can talk about it later."

"Are you mad?"

"No, not at all, and I love you so much."

"I love you, too, babe."

"I'll be back in a while." He stood and kissed me on the lips. "I'm going to take Zara to the ice cream parlor at the end of the block."

"Hug her for me."

After he left, mom put aside her sadness momentarily and raised her eyebrows at me, which was creepy because it was almost like looking in a mirror.

"You're awfully cozy with him!"

"Nick is everything I've ever wanted, and now we can't imagine life without each other. He's my one true love, my fiancé and the father of my children."

Now mom looked utterly happy. What the hell is with her mood swings?

"You're getting married and you have kids, too? That's really exciting!"

"Zara turned six in March, and I did not give birth to her, but I love her like she came from my body."

"Where's her mother?"

"Long story."

I stood and sat on the edge of the table so she was looking up at me, and pointed to my baby bump.

"There is one of each growing in here at the moment."

Mom looked like she wanted to reach out to touch my belly but again stayed put. Her expression almost broke my heart and I couldn't keep from softening up.

"Something bad happened to you, didn't it?"

"Something truly awful that I'll never be able to forget... I was raped in jail twenty-one years ago."

This news rendered my speechless.

"Somebody paid off these two guards, Ramsey and Irons, to take their time with me and take turns doing it. Several weeks later, I realized that I was pregnant."

"Oh, my God! Did you keep the baby?"

"Yes, but I carried _triplets _to term—William, Isobel and Mariah. I was able to raise them in a prison nursery until Meemaw raised them for me."

_"What?"_

"Would you rather that I have lost track of them in the foster care system? I regret missing out on so much of their lives, too, but they're amazing people who are full of nothing but love and they want to meet you."

"They do?"

"Totally."

I held my hand in a time-out position. "I'm still waiting to hear how you got out of jail."

"I stayed out of trouble because I knew I was innocent."

"You're saying you got out on good behavior?"

"That's part of it." She looked sad again. "My case was being reexamined by two new detectives in connection with one of their current cases and in the middle of it, Ramsey and Irons raped me again because they were afraid I was going to rat them out. They also threatened Isobel bodily and sexual harm if I talked, but they're both sitting in jail serving three life sentences because of all of the horrible things they did."

"The only way that this whole thing could get any more dramatic would be if you told that one of those two idiots got you pregnant again."

I was met with a sheepish expression, and my mouth fell open in shock when I put the pieces together.

"No! No fucking way!"

"You watch your language!"

"Uh-uh! I'm a grown woman and I'll say what I want!" I got up and started to pace, knowing it would calm the twins down. "You're forty-seven years old, and that's too old to be having a baby!"

"Do you think I don't know the odds of miscarriage or health complications for myself and this baby?" she demanded. "When the pregnancy was confirmed, the first thing the prison doctor did was to suggest that I terminate! Even if I was carrying a sick baby, I could _never _get an abortion or completely give them up because I believe that life is a sacred thing!"

"Then what about when you drowned your sorrows in liquor?"

"I've been clean for twenty-seven years now, by the way, but the drinking was a coping mechanism because your father used me as a punching bag."

"Excuse me?"

"Right before his arrest, the accounting firm he worked for was being investigated by the IRS, and it had him really upset. I took every last blow, even when he wasn't drunk, because it meant that he wasn't thinking about touching you. Do you remember any of this?"

"No. I blocked it all out."

She turned in her seat so she could stretch out her legs and as she did so, I watched her move her hands over the surface of her big belly, tracking the baby's movements.

"How many weeks are you?"

"As of today, thirty-five weeks."

"You flew from Atlanta to New York at eight months pregnant? Are you out of your mind?"

"No, baby, and don't you ever suggest that again." Mom was eerily calm, like she was trying to keep from getting too irritated. "We would've been here a lot sooner if Isobel hadn't shut down after the threats were made against her. It took Mariah and William a very long time to get her to open back up. I thank my lucky stars that the triplets care so much about each other."

"What happened to Isobel?"

"She retreated inside herself, making things extra hard. When the triplets were in my womb, Isobel contracted an illness that left her unable to speak. These days, she's literally incapable of any verbal speech because she was diagnosed as a legal mute before she was five. Isobel's mind is all there and other than her disability, she functions as normally as you and I."

"Then does she communicate at all?"

"Yes. During the trial, one of the psychologists working with her gave her a brand new iPad with a speech program and now she uses that to communicate on a day-to-day basis. She even used it to testify against Ramsey and Irons."

"Good for Isobel. Were you ever able to find out who the triplets' father is, or even the baby's for that, matter?"

"Irons, on both accounts."

"What can you tell me about my new siblings?"

Mom lit up immediately. "They all graduated with top marks from Georgia Tech in May. Mariah is musical and was able to earn a position at a high-end record label here in Manhattan, and Isobel has already begun understudying prestigious fashion designers at Saks Fifth Avenue because she wants to open her open fashion line one day."

"What about William?"

"He's always loved animals and will be starting a zookeeper-in-training position at the Central Park Zoo next week." She beamed proudly. "Also—Mariah is engaged to a Richard Stabler, a stepson of one of your colleagues, as I understand it."

Hold the phone! I'm going to be related to Olivia?

"Don't get me wrong, I'm excited for Mariah and Richard, but I don't want to know right now how they even met because my brain is almost fried and I just want to go home and cuddle with my fiancé and my daughter. Any more bombshells you want to drop on me?"

"All done, I swear."

"Fantastic, and just for the record—this reunion doesn't mean we're going to go back to the way we were right away."

"I'm happy to wait until you're ready."

Mom stood and gathered her things, putting an envelope on the desk.

"It's good to see you, my dear, and I am so proud of you."

"For what?"

"For surviving everything that you did to not only become a detective, but one whose job it is to speak for the ones who have been robbed of their voices. I always knew you had a joyful heart when it came to helping those in need, so I'm glad you're able to put that all to good use. Don't ever doubt my pride in you."

Her words made me want to cry because I've always wondered what she'd think of me, but I didn't crack.

Too much.

"Thanks, mama. Have you heard anything from Kim lately?"

"Not in two years, no. _That _child of mine is just odd, and the very last time I saw her, she informed me that her doctor had diagnosed her as a full-functioning sociopath."

"Well, that explains a lot…"

"I am so ashamed to say that I don't know what to make of Kim, but I really don't. Adele told me about the robbery."

"You were eventually bound to find out about that since you're back for good now, and I think it's okay to say that Kim is a lost cause because it's the truth."

"The triplets also know and are embarrassed by her. The rest of us a family of survivors, though, and I hope you want to meet your brother and sisters."

"I do, but I need time to process all of this."

"That's okay. Do you have Adele's number?"

"Yes, but does she know that you just spent almost your entire adult life in jail?"

"She also knows that my record was wiped completely clean as part of the court's apology to me. Adele offered all of us a place to live out of the kindness of her heart, and also because we're all family now. There are still good people in this world, baby girl, don't forget."

"I won't."

"Good answer." She kissed me on the forehead. "You know where to find me."

"I do."

Mom gave me one last smile and left the room quietly.

The second she was gone, I sank onto the couch and cried my eyes out, too overwhelmed by emotion to do anything else.


	27. Hit Full Force

Two seconds after mom left, Olivia happened to pass by and when she saw me, she immediately hurried without asking what was going on and pulled let me cry on her shoulder. When I was calmer, I began to tell her about the visit, getting sad about one particular part.

"I grew up without her and that it's going to take time for me to be able to love her the way I did when I was little."

"Does Darby know that?"

"Yes, and she's happy that I wanted to talk to her at all. Everything she said and answered made my head spin, and the biggest bombshell she dropped on me is that she had three more kids and currently has another on the way. She's due in a month or less."

Olivia raised her eyebrows. "That's just nuts, but this is the part where I mention that one of your sisters is engaged to my oldest stepson. How they met is a long story, but the endgame is that Elliot and I will eventually be related to you and Nick by marriage."

"Family is one of the most important things in my life, and I'm so happy that I finally have one of my own. I'm also happy that I have one in the NYPD SVU, even though it can still be a little overwhelming…"

"I understand that feeling all too well."

"There's another thing…"

"Oh?"

"Twenty-one years ago, my mom was raped in jail by two crooked guards and as a result, she got pregnant with triplets, Mariah being one of them."

"Darby carried the babies of her attacker to term just like you did with Olivia…"

"At least mom has two little bits of comfort—both of her attackers are serving multiple life sentences each, and she also knows that all four of her younger children have the same father." I started tracking the twins' movements because they were suddenly getting squirmy. "Is it bad that I'm not ready to forgive her even though she apologized?"

Olivia leaned back, looking thoughtful with her hands folded over her twenty-five week twin belly.

"Almost forty-six years ago, my mom Serena was on the way home from work when a strange man jumped her and raped her. I entered the world nine months later."

I blinked in surprise. "How did you and Serena get along?"

"Badly. When I was little, all she saw in me was a daily reminder of the most traumatic event in her life and I spent many, many years hiding from her so I could nurse my wounds, fighting her when she was drunk or cleaning up after her when she was too hung over. She made the choice to keep me when she found out I was on the way because she didn't believe in abortion, but I still didn't have a normal or happy childhood."

"Did you two ever get to reconcile?"

"Not I made it to the SVU. Unfortunately, she got really hammered one night and died after tripping down a flight of stairs at a bar. To this day, I still wish I could've had one more chance to see her and say 'I love you' because part of me thinks that if she'd heard, she wouldn't have gone out that night. If she hadn't, she'd still be here thirteen years later to meet my husband and children. When the reconciliation happened, she was finally able to look at me—her only child—and believe me when I said that I loved her. _Your _mother has loved you from the start, and is back and ready to love you with no strings attached."

"She also said that she never stopped loving me, and that she believes that every child in this world should be loved unconditionally, no matter what."

"She has the right idea, but when I have to be real—I spent most of my life wishing that I could've had a mother like yours… or you."

When her words turned me to mush, my surrogate mother was happy to hold me and soothe me because she could tell I needed it.

A few moments later, she directed my attention to the hallway.

"Zara's here and it looks like she's doing what she does best—cheering people up."

My daughter had indeed returned from her impromptu date with Nick and had sauntered up to my mom, who was leaning against a nearby wall. Mom couldn't see that Zara was holding a pink long-stemmed rose behind her back, but Olivia and I could, so we watched the scene play out.

"You must be Zara." Mom smiled down at her. "Your Abuelita Adele told me about you."

"Are you my Mandy's mama? You look just like her…"

"I'm Mandy's mama Darby; your other abuelita, I guess, but only if that's okay with you."

"It is and that's because I love my Mandy with my whole heart and I love her for always!"

"That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard anyone say about Amanda!"

Zara gave her a toothy grin and gave her the flower. "Look at this! I got you a rose!"

"Awww, thank you!" Mom hugged her as close as her belly would permit. "I love roses, and pink is my favorite color!"

Zara made a happy trilling noise and after seeing her leave to the elevators and then proceeding to hug Olivia hello, she snuggled up with me and slung a protective arm over my baby bump. Nick was on Zara's heels and when he saw that I was feeling better, he smiled.

"Somebody's in a better mood."

"Your partner has a lot to do with that because she pulled her mothering card on me again."

"Speaking of mothering cards," Olivia tried to get to her feet but was unsuccessful. "I need to get out of here so I can go have dinner with my family—we're meeting Mariah tonight."

"It's not fair that you get to meet my sister before me." I pouted.

"Mama, you have a sister?" Zara blurted in surprise.

"Actually, mija, I have three of them and also a brother now." I gave her a gentle nudge. "Help daddy help Olivia stand up."

Zara did as she was told, and once Olivia left, Zara resumed snuggling while Nick pulled up a chair and sat facing me.

"How'd it go with Darby?"

"To make a long story short—she apologized for everything, she's more than willing to wait for me to warm up to her and I now have three twenty-one year-old siblings… plus a sibling on the way."

"Did you just say what I think you said?"

"Oh yeah."

He handed me the envelope mom had gave me the envelope that mom had left on the table. "Maybe there's info in here."

The first item I pulled out was a photograph of the triplets, all decked out in tourist gear and posing for the camera against the backdrop of what appeared to be the Central Park Zoo. William was on the right, with Mariah on the far left and Isobel wedged in between them with her iPad in her hands as she grinned for the camera along with the other two.

"Those are my tías and my tío?" Zara marveled over them. "Who's who?"

I pointed to each person in turn. "Mariah is on the left, William is on the right, and Isobel is in the middle."

Zara studied the picture closer. "How come Isobel has an iPad?"

"She can't speak because when she was growing in abuelita Darby's tummy, she got some kind of illness that that messed with the part of her brain that has to do with talking. Isobel uses a program on her iPad to talk."

"Neat-o. Can Tío William and Tía Mariah talk okay?"

"They can, and I think we're going to meet them and Isobel soon!"

Zara actually bounced slightly in her seat, clapping her hands. "Please can it be this week? Please, please, please?"

"I have to call my mama about that first." I handed her the photo. "You may hold this for awhile."

Zara took it and settled back with it while I pulled the second item out of the envelope: a sonogram image of an eight-month fetus. That's my little brother or sister… Oh, my God…

Seeing that I wasn't in too fit of a state to talk, Nick sat next to me and wrapped an around my shoulders and gently pried the sonogram out of my fingers.

"According to this," he said after a minute of looking it over and handing it back to me. "The baby is a healthy baby girl."

My heart flip-flopped. "I have another sister?"

"That's right."

Zara looked over at this point, eyeing the sonogram with interest. "Whose baby is that? There's only one there."

"This is my baby sister." I handed her the sonogram. "What do you think?"

"I think it's cool because now I know who kicked me in the nose when I hugged abuelita, but it's also a little weird that I have a tía that's littler than me."

"Are you gonna be okay with that?" I asked cautiously.

"Hmm… I _guess _I'm excited…"

"Then why don't you sound like it?"

"Is it okay if I play with her and teach her things, like how I'm going to with the twins? I'll call her my tía because that's polite, I promise!"

"It's perfectly okay if you play with my sister and watch over her and you know what? My mama is really going to love that you're using your big beautiful heart to show love to the baby!"

Zara turned beet red and giggled. "I can't wait to hold her and kiss her and—mama? What's wrong?"

I had started shifting around, trying to get comfortable as both of the babies began squirming extra hard, giving me near extreme stomach butterflies. After a brief pause, I suddenly felt a series of gentle taps and nudges just under my palms. In my excitement, I grabbed Nick's and Zara's hands and held them to the spot where all the action was happening.

Zara was at a loss for words because she was completely taken by surprise, but Nick still had his wits about him, although he spoke in complete awe.

"Amanda, are they…?"

I blew out a breath and pressed his hand a little firmer to my belly, nodding. My own voice came in out in a tone of awe.

"The babies are kicking!"


	28. Round One

Later on, after Zara was asleep in her bed for the night, I went through my nightly routine and eventually curled up in bed, dressed in a turquoise maternity negligee. As I dove into my reading book, Nick placed a call to Adele to discuss my mom. Whenever they talk on the phone, their conversations begin in English, but more often than not, they switch over to Spanish. I can understand them full well because I grew up speaking Spanish, and even French, so as to communicate with Meemaw, who originally hails from New Orleans. That being said, I was too engrossed in my book tonight to follow along.

When Nick finally hung up and sat beside me, he wasn't upset, but he was definitely worked up. Taking pity on him, I put my book aside and gave him my full attention.

"How'd the conversation go?" I quickly tied my hair up in a bun to keep it out of my face. "Did Adele say anything that my mother didn't?"

"My mother put me in my place, saying that she offered Darby a place to stay because she's your mother and it's not right to at least help a homeless pregnant woman find some kind of shelter." He paused, looking thoughtful. "She _did _say where they met…"

"Tell me, tell me, tell me, Nick! My mother wouldn't!"

"Mine told me that she ran into Darby, William, Isobel and Mariah at the shelter that she runs at her church, and they had all came straight from the airport."

"How did she even find Adele's church, of all the places in Manhattan?"

"Mama chalks it up to fate."

I waved a hand in dismissal. "Did Adele say anything else? Her church is one of those ones that's open to the public for support groups and things like that."

"Your siblings were out exploring the city, and mama was attending a support group for survivors of domestic abuse and violence. Darby sat next to her, and the rest is history."

"Just when did all of this go down?"

"Four days ago."

"She's been in town for four days, and she only _just _came to see me? What the fuck?"

"She probably just needed time to get used to a new place."

"Yeah, probably." I heaved a theatrical sigh. "How has Adele been able to trust my mom so quickly? I like that they're friends, but just because a woman is pregnant and has three of her adult children with her, that doesn't automatically make her trustworthy."

In one swift move, Nick pulled me onto his lap so that I was straddling now as the skirt of my negligee was pooled around his waist. Leaning against the headboard, he laced his fingers in mine and looked me straight in the eyes.

"Give it to me straight—do you believe that your mother would rob mine? Do you believe that she is a good person? Amanda, she loves you _because _you're her daughter."

My heart clenched as I thought about the questions he posed, and how I couldn't beat around the bush anymore.

"I hear her when she says that she loves me, but it's going to take a lot of time to get used to because of how I grew up. At least you've always had Adele, no matter how miserable things got."

I wiggled a little as the girl twin ran an elbow along my belly in her sleep. Knowing that she and her brother are comforted by my touch, I let go of Nick's hand and supported the underside of my pregnant bulge, and sure enough, she stilled almost immediately and went back to sleep.

"Like I said—I'm glad our mothers are friends, and I wonder what it'll be like if they ever team up against us. It _sounds _like she's a good person, but it's too soon for me to give a definitive answer about my mother's moral character."

"Do you believe that she would try to rob my mother?"

"No." I answered immediately. "My mother is not Kim."

"Then we don't have anything to worry about."

I nodded but didn't really hear his words because I was now caressing his face and thinking of other things. Nick held my hands and kissed my fingertips.

"What's on your mind, mi amor?"

"I'm just remembering what you looked like on the first day I saw you."

"When I had that beard from my undercover gig?"

"I liked it, and sometimes I miss it."

"Oh, really?"

"You bet, but with it gone, this means that there's more of you to kiss."

Leaning forward, I began pressing feather light kisses along his jaw and down his throat. When his tank top got in the way, I tugged at it and he quickly took it off and threw it aside. His words came out in sighs as I started kissing even lower.

"Amanda, we need to be really, really quiet."

"And we have a child that sleeps like the dead, so I think we're good. You enjoying this?"

"What's got you so horny all of a sudden? Second trimester hormones kicking in?"

I kissed my way back up, taking extra time on his chest. "Damn straight, and since there are two babies in there, everything's in total hyperdrive. Are you done talking?"

Nick nodded.

"Fantastic. Now turn around."

"What?"

I rocked my hips forward and he made a frustrated noise when I dismounted.

"If you want more, turn around."

He obeyed and actually pouted when I got off the bed for a moment, but started humming a different tune when I surprised him with a backrub and massage oils a minute later.

"Nick, you're so tense." I cooed, working on a knot in his right shoulder. "Why haven't you let me do this before now?"

"Life got in the way, I guess." He arched his back, leaning into my touch. "A little more to the left."

I quickly kissed the nape of his neck and moved my hands to the spot he'd requested.

"Do you like this?"

He nodded, so I moved down to his waist. "Are you trying to butter me up for something?"

"I have everything I could possibly want. You dote on me all the time, and now I'm returning it because I want to. Do I need to keep explaining?"

"N—oh, my God…"

I'd taken him by surprise by slipping my hand under the waistline of his boxers and gently stroking his cock a few times before pulling away again.

"More?" I purred.

"Yes, but please let me look at you."

"Go ahead."

Nick was facing me and leaning against the headboard again in a heartbeat. How he could speak in a normal voice after that was beyond me.

"You look a little too overdressed, but I seriously can't take my eyes off you when you wear turquoise."

I grinned smugly and straddled him again, rocking my hips. Nick gave another soft groan, although there was nothing soft about his member as it hardened in reaction to my movement. Straightening up, I gave him a full view of my body—my sleeveless negligee fell to my knees and hugged all of my curves in the right places. The neckline even dipped low enough to show off a generous view of my cleavage, so it was no small wonder that Nick was getting hard and squirrelly under my touch.

"Well, I _do_ like to wear this c—oof. Easy, little ones."

Nick traced a finger over the top of my baby bump. "The babies?"

I nodded and started palming my belly in effort to keep the twins calm as they woke up from their nap to start stretching and kicking. Lousy timing.

"Really?" I complained to them. "You two couldn't have waited just a little bit longer? Mama will get up in a little bit, but just not now."

The boy twin gave me a gentle nudge, as if agreeing, but the girl twin gave me a solid kick in the side.

"Jesus Christ, niña!" I blew out a breath and massaged the area she was hitting. "Take a page out of your brother's book and be still!"

She gave me a few more kicks and punches before finally relenting and turning her back to me. I looked back at Nick, who was now looking at me with nothing but love and adoration.

"What?"

"Watching you talk to the babies, even if you were scolding one of them for being obnoxious, always makes me very happy."

I raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to be able to handle what's coming next?"

"Try me."

I leaned forward, purposefully pressing my breasts against his chest as give him a searing kiss on the lips before going torturously slow down his own chest and torso. When I stopped at the waistline of his boxers, I felt him getting hard again, so I gave him a gentle squeeze.

"Please." he begged immediately. "Please don't stop. Do something else."

"How about this?"

I started sucking on his cock a little harder, almost giving him a blowjob through his boxers. When I looked at Nick, I saw that his eyes were closed in enjoyment.

"Stay with me, babe."

"Okay…"

Laughing softly, I pulled his boxers down and immediately noticed that he was already completely erect. Because I was in such a teasing mood, I planted more gentle kisses on his body, taking time on the inside of his thighs. When he started groaning again, I reapplied some of my massage oils to my hands and moved my ministrations from his thoughts to his groin. I had Nick under such a spell that he had completely turned to putty.

After several minutes of my continued slow teasing, he was thrusting into my hand because he was fully enjoying the feel of the massage oil on his cock.

When he spoke again, his voice came out a tad strangled.

"I'm about to cum, Amanda."

"Then by all means, go ahead. We can always change the sheets later."

When he didn't say anything to that—I think he was truly beyond comprehensible speech by this point—I slowly kissed and caressed his cock from end to end. Just as I kissed the tip, he erupted. In a daring move, I swallowed his load without spilling a drop. At the end of it, Nick gaped at me in surprise; it's been awhile since either of us has done anything that daring in bed. He continued to gape at me as I got off the bed and headed to the bathroom. When he didn't follow, I looked back at him.

"Oh, babe, that was just round one."


	29. The Triplets

**I don't know if any of you are Oncers, but I did start a Once Upon A Time Story called Aftermath, if you want to check it out!**

* * *

I'm so happy these days, truly, and I've only just realized that that after all of the crazy things I've been through in my life, that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be.

That being said, twelve years of being on the force haven't at all prepared me for what I'm about to face in a little bit.

I'm about to meet William, Isobel and Mariah for the first time.

Nick thinks I'm getting too worked up over nothing, but he's one to talk because he's an only child. The rest of my colleagues aren't much help, either. Fin and Melinda are also only children, and Captain Cragen doesn't even like talking about his childhood. Alex's only sibling died within a short time of meeting her, Casey won't talk to any of her siblings because they pretend she doesn't exist, and Olivia is too ashamed of her only sibling to talk about him anymore.

It looks like I'm flying solo.

Hooray.

* * *

"What if they don't like me?" I fretted. "What if my brother and sisters think I'm like Kim?"

Nick sat opposite me on the window seat. "You are your own person, Amanda. You're nothing like her."

"I'm my own person…" I echoed.

"That's right." He smiled encouragingly. "How are the babies?"

"You just _had _to change the subject." I arched my back as they started moving around. "Baby boy is pretty chill, as opposed to baby girl."

"Why? What's she up to?"

"Training to play football."

"Who's playing football?" a new voice asked. "May I play?"

Zara had joined us, and Xander, Eli and Fable were in tow.

"It feels like your sister is practicing to be a linebacker, mija."

"Oh… so nobody's playing?"

"Not right now, no," I told her gently. "But maybe if you go get _your _football, Tío William will play with you and your buddies later."

Zara gasped dramatically and was running out of the room with her posse at her heels. All of them were discussing how football was cooler than baseball.

"What kid from Manhattan likes football over baseball?" I asked.

"Ours, apparently. I took her to a game when she turned four, and she fell in love."

"As long as she doesn't start liking pro wrestling because Meemaw was hooked on it when we lived with her; it was like religion in her household. The weirdest thing was to hear her yelling and cursing at the TV in French because it's her first language. Meemaw grew up speaking French in New Orleans before moving to Georgia."

"So you're saying that your French-speaking grandmother watched pro wrestling?"

"She probably still does," I shuddered. "And she's the only reason I'm fluent in French."

"Then you're going to be happy to know that Zara already thinks pro wrestling is ridiculous."

"That's my girl."

The sound of a car door slamming shut outside made me look out the window again, but this time I saw Adele with my mother and siblings. As I stood up, Nick wrapped an arm around my waist to keep me steady.

"It's all going to be okay, and I'll be beside you the whole time."

His words gave me newly-instilled confidence, and I opened the door just in time to let my family through. After a quick greeting, mom and Adele headed to the kitchen, where Olivia and Alex were overseeing the cooking. My sisters both stood a few feet away from me, but William walked right up to me and hugged me.

"Hi, Amanda!" he backed off sheepishly. "I guess I should have asked before hugging you… I don't want to accidentally squash you or the babies…"

"It's okay, William, we're fine." I assured him. "It's good finally meet you."

"Likewise. Mimi, Izzie and I have been waiting literally our whole lives for this, and we're so happy that the day is finally here!"

Behind him, Mariah cleared her throat pointedly and William remembered the bag he was holding. "Right. We have some presents for the twins and for Zara. Is there some place I can put this?"

"Sure." Nick stepped forward. "Let me show you to the kitchen."

William happily followed Nick, and it was Mariah who walked up to me next.

"I'm not fond of hugging and things like that," her small shudder didn't go unnoticed by me. "But hi, Amanda—I'm so happy to meet you!"

The cop in me immediately realized that she was perched on top of some kind of secret, but I set those feelings aside.

"I'm happy to meet you, too, sweetheart. Would you like something to drink?" I gestured towards the kitchen. "Help yourself to anything on the table."

She also left and I stared after her, curious what her deal was. I was quickly distracted by a soft, albeit machine-operated voice from behind me.

**::Don't take it personally, Amanda. She's been through hell recently, but she'll bounce back because she always does.::**

Turning, I saw Isobel smiling at me, clutching her iPad.

"Hi, sweet girl. I'm so glad to meet you, too."

When we hugged, she embraced me a little tighter than William had, and was definitely friendlier than Mariah.

"Isobel, should I be worried about her?"

She shook her head.

"Is she resilient like mama?"

Nod.

"Well, that's good to know."

Isobel nodded again and pressed an icon on her iPad screen. A preprogrammed message played.

**::Amanda, I'm so incredibly proud to call you my sister, and I will forever admire you for having overcome your rape and how you haven't let it define you. I haven't experienced that atrocity because it's never been committed against me, but I understand the fear one hundred percent because two people threatened to do it to me and then thought I wouldn't fight back because of my disability. I'm learning to overcome it now, and it's going to be a slow process, but it really helps knowing that I have someone like you in the family, someone who brings hope and healing to the voiceless ones like me.::**

Isobel's words moved me deeply, especially considering that she's never spoken aloud a day in her life.

"Thank _you,_ Isobel. Your words give me so much encouragement, even when I want to give up."

Her fingers quickly moved over her iPad, and soon a new message was playing. **::I believe in you, and sometimes that's all it takes. Don't give up, ever.::**

"You're the sweetest." I dabbed at my eyes as I felt tears forming. "Aww, now look! I told myself I wasn't going to cry!"

Isobel reached over and wiped my tears until I looked presentable.

"Thanks. How about we go find Zara? You have no idea how excited she is to meet you, although she'll probably have found Will and Mimi by now, and have them wrapped around her finger."

A mischievous glint appeared in her eyes that basically said 'Not if I can help it,' and the second we went to the kitchen, she and Zara zeroed in on each other. Zara greeted her aunt with a hug and was immediately won over when she was invited to sit on her lap.

As they all sat together, I noticed that Zara and the others looked like an odd bunch, starting with my daughter's choice of one of her princess-like tutu dress/ballet flat ensembles. William was a step or two short of a biker, Mariah looked like a hardcore hipster, and Isobel looked like she belonged in Gatsby's era, even with her casual attire. Any outsider would think that this group of people wouldn't have anything to do with each other, yet here was my daughter happily basking in the attention given to her by my sisters and brother, as if this happened every day.

After dinner, we all went outside to relax and enjoy the early summer evening. Much to Zara's delight, William started a football game with her, Xander, Eli and Fable and they used her new football. Rather than join in, Isobel sat near the sidelines, eyes glued to her iPad screen. (According to mama, Isobel's latest read is the biography of Hollywood legend Natalie Wood) Everybody was accounted for, except for one person.

"Where'd Mariah go?"

"With that girl, you never know any more these days." Mama sighed sadly. "She's been holding all of us at arm's length ever since she told us that her engagement got called off."

I raised my eyebrows. "Mariah was engaged?"

"Emphasis on was. I have my suspicions about why they broke up, but she hasn't given any official reason and even Will and Izzie don't know."

"Would Mariah object to a visit from me?"

"If you can find her, probably not."

"Beg pardon? If I can find her?"

"Her coping mechanism for stress hasn't changed since she was a toddler; she likes to hide in corners and small spaces."

"I'll take that under advisement."

Nick helped me stand up and when I was a little steadier on my feet, I went back inside, praying that my baby sister hadn't reverted to hiding. I didn't have to look far for her because she was in the living room, settling onto the couch and taking deep steadying breaths, like she was trying not to cry.

"You know, Mariah," I sat down next to her. "It's perfectly okay to cry."

"But you don't even know what's got me upset."

"Mama says it has to do with how you were engaged."

"That wasn't her news to share, but yeah, I was engaged to the love of my life until recently."

"What happened?"

"Phillip broke up with me because I wouldn't get an abortion."

My heart jumped and I received kicks of annoyance from the babies. "Time out—you're pregnant?"

"Today makes nine weeks."

"Does anybody besides me know?"

"Adele, my boss at work and my boss' daughter, who is also in the internship program. What boggles my mind is that Adele has been so nice about it."

"Why does that boggle your mind?"

"Because we just met her, and even though we're all family now, she's taking a huge leap of faith my inviting me, Izzie, Will, mama and one, maybe two newborn babies to live under her roof."

"Adele is good person with a generous heart, but she's also lonely. Opening her home up is her way of showing her kindness and it probably makes her feel useful. Give her a chance."

"I am." My sister smiled. "Adele is lovely, but I guess I'm not used to someone else looking out for us."

"Do you understand that you're safe now?"

"Yeah, I do. We're both safe."

She let out a shaky breath and smoothed her shirt, rounding out her petite bulge.

"Phillip and I met in high school and started dating. We ended up going to Georgia Tech together, and he proposed to me at graduation. I said yes, and one thing led to another…"

"And you got pregnant?"

"Yeah. I also wasn't too thrilled and actually got as far as the front door of the clinic before booting it all over the bushes."

"Gross."

"And mortifying." She laughed weakly. "My chickening out led to a really bad fight, during which he called me a really bad name. He called me an 'avowed homosexual,' even though he _knew _going into the relationship that I'm bisexual. Are you going to judge me for that?"

"Never in a million years. What Phillip said was uncalled for."

"I've been out of it ever since and mean to everybody because I'm not sure what I'm going to do. My internship pays me well and I'm so thankful, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to support a baby on my salary. Babies are hard work and I'm so scared, especially because if I keep it, I'd be a single mother."

"I'm here for you whatever you decide. Have you considered adoption?"

"I was considering that up until I heard the baby's heartbeat yesterday. I'm trying to stay realistic, but all I did was hear the sound and now I'm starting to fall in love a little bit."

She started crying harder and my heart broke for her.

"Please, Amanda!" she sobbed. "I need a hug!"

"Come here."

I pulled her back into my arms and made soothing noises. As she leaned against me, I could feel her belly up against mine and although there weren't any kicks from her child, both of mine were moving and stretching out, curious.

"Those are your babies?" she asked.

"Mmhm." I held her hand to the spot where my son was being extra active. "You feel those kicks there?"

"Yep. Who's that?"

"Your nephew, my son. He gets even wigglier than this if there's music playing. Who would be better than you to teach him all about music?"

Mariah grinned. "What about baby girl, though?"

"She turns into a real wiggle worm if she knows that Zara is nearby, so only the Good Lord knows what her interests will be."

"Then what kind of music does my nephew respond to?"

"Anything from classical to Metallica."

"Did you just say Metallica? Who has that on their phone, you or Nick?"

"I'm not telling!" (It's actually me) "Are you up to the challenge of giving your nephew a proper music education? Do you play any instruments?"

"Yes to both questions, and I play the piano."

"Perfect." I started stoking her hair without even thinking about it. "Do you want to go back outside with the others?"

She shook her head. "Not yet. I just want to here with you for a couple more minutes because I've never had an older sibling to lean on for emotional support because Will and Izzie are always leaning on me."

"I've got you." I cooed. "You just stay right here with me until you're ready."

"Okay…" she yawned hugely.

"Are you getting sleepy?"

Nod.

"Close your eyes, Mimi. It's okay."

She nodded again and was out like a light.

I didn't mind a bit.


	30. The Inevitable

**Somebody drop me a line so I know that I'm not writing to an empty room!**

* * *

A few days later, Trevor and Jude surprised everyone by saying that Trevor had scored box office seats at a Giants game tonight and Maksim and Imogen wanted to not only wanted to show their new sisters, Céline and Florence, about the wonderful world of football, but also invite their school friends, too. That's how we ended up Zara-free for a whole day. I intended to get Nick to help me make the most of it because I was in a very horny mood, but that all went out the window the second I saw him sitting on the couch in his t-shirt and boxers with the expression of a wounded puppy, I all but ran to him and knelt on the floor in front of him, even though I knew the babies would hate me for it later.

"Nick, what's wrong?"

"Today is the anniversary of when I caught my dad beating mama to a pulp because of how drunk he was."

"What ended up happening?"

"Even though I was twelve and he was a hulking monstrosity, I was able to pull him off her and tell him to never come back."

"And you and Adele haven't seen him since, right?"

He nodded.

"Then what's to be forlorn about right now?"

"I'm closer to forty than I care to admit, Amanda, and I've spent over twenty-five of the last years without any kind of fatherly influence at all. I knew Gil for like five minutes, and as it stands, he'll be under the impression until he's at least eighteen that I'm his uncle, and that's only because his mother doesn't want me to be part of his life. He's still my son, and I missed out on so much of his life that it just makes me angry."

"I'd be pretty irate if I was in your shoes…"

"Thanks for trying to sympathize, my love."

I rested my hands on his knees to keep my balance. "Keep talking; just get it off your chest."

"If you insist—Maria was gone at her base camp for most of her pregnancy and wasn't able to get out for ages because of all the fighting. When she did come back, she still spent a lot of time away from me because she was dealing with her PTSD." He ran his fingers nervously through his wavy locks. "She let me be there in the delivery room, but I'm so ashamed of the part that comes next."

"Why's that? Please tell me."

"The only reason we got married was because we made Zara, and we wanted her to have two parents, but look how that turned out. Maria got after me for every little thing and started verbally abusing me."

"I had no idea it was ever that bad." My words came out softly. "I'm so sorry."

"There's no need to apologize for anything because you love me and treat me right, but that's not what I'm driving at."

"Enlighten me."

"Poor Zara never knew what to make of us because all she ever knew was us fighting or being away in combat, or me being away at my squad precinct. That was the routine for the first three-and-a-half years of her life, and mama raised her for us. It wasn't right, but it's what happened until I finished my very last tour of duty the week before Zara's fourth birthday. That football game I told you about? That was me making an effort to establish a solid father-daughter relationship with her, even though I was totally flying blind."

"But this means that that was only two years ago!" I was aghast. "You two are so close!"

"We only started getting as close as we are now right before Maria took her to D.C., and if not for you arriving and showing her friendship and unconditional love to Zara and me, only the Good Lord knows where things would be these days."

"Aww. So you're sad because you've been mistreated by Maria and Cynthia, and because you missed out on so much with Gil and Zara?"

"Bingo."

"But what about the twins and me? Are you happy with us? I don't know how I'd be able to handle it I ever fell short of your expectations…"

Uncomfortable on the floor, I got up and assumed one of our favorite (and one of my most comfortable) positions with him—straddling his lap. He pulled me close enough so that my bump was flesh with his stomach, and then he started kissing me along my jaw and down to my chest, going on to make me shudder when he went lower and started using his tongue on my breasts. When he looked back at me, gone was the sadness in his eyes, replaced now by desire.

"Amanda, nothing you could ever fall short of my expectations of you."

"Why's that?"

"You know me inside and out, you're not afraid to share any of your worries or woes with me, you're the best friend I ever had, you love Zara like she came from your body, and despite all of my baggage and hang-ups, you agreed to marry me. Plus," (he hiked up my tank top to expose my big belly in the flesh and touched a hand to it) "You're just as over the moon about the babies as I am. You're perfect, and I love you."

"I'm by no means perfect." I kissed his forehead gently. "I'm just me, and of course I love you and respect you—I can't imagine ever hurting you, especially where Zara, the twins and Gil are concerned."

"You care about Gil, too?" he asked in genuine surprise.

"You bet. I know I've never met him, but since he's your son and I'm going to be marrying you, that technically makes him my stepson. I love all of my kids, no matter what, biology and genetics included."

"Oh, Amanda…"

"I can't imagine anyone else I want to spend the rest of my life with, or even who I want to raise all of our kids with."

Nick raised his eyebrows. "I know you're including your daughter in that statement, but did you just say 'all of our kids'? You want more after the twins?"

"Maybe just one more, but only if you do."

"Definitely," he grinned as both of the babies nudged us. "Although I want to wait until Thing One and Thing Two are out of diapers."

I crossed my arms across my belly and stuck my bottom lip out at him. "That's too long."

"Don't cheat by pouting!"

"I'm doing no such thing."

"Come here." He pulled me in for a hug. "I want to hold you."

Five minutes later, I was in the process of drifting off to sleep in Nick's arms when I realized that the sudden silence on his part meant that he was deep in thought and that whatever was on his mind would undoubtedly ruin the mood, so I sat up and looked him square in the eyes.

"Tell me what you're thinking. Now."

"Am I going to be a good dad to the twins and our future child? I haven't exactly had a chance with Gil, and with Zara, I've only had two years to understand her and get to know her. I wasn't even as involved with her as I could've been, and I regret that. I have no idea what to think or say or do when the twins arrive."

"Oh, Nick, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so mixed up, and I would do anything to take that pain and confusion away from you forever. Know what, though? When I watch you with Zara or when you talk to the babies, our friends' kids and even the kids that we sometimes work with, my heart goes light and turns to mush."

"You're not just saying this because of the hormones, are you?"

"Nope. I'm saying it because of what I know to be true: you're going to be a _great_ dad, and you show that by loving or looking out for all of the children in your life, and they're all better off because of that."

He smiled, but then he said _it._

"How would you know what a good father is? You grew up without one."

I got off him faster than I knew I could and stood in front him. "You did _not _just say that to me! No! We've both spent twenty or more of the last years without fathers, so you shouldn't even think that you get to use that card on me!"

I turned around and headed to the front door. It was open and I was almost out when he called after me.

"Where are you going?"

"Oh, so now you want to be concerned?"

"Please just tell me where."

"To Olivia's because I need some space. Don't follow me."

He didn't.


	31. That's What Friends Are For

Once I was outside, I was immediately hit with a gust of the cool autumn air, making me regret my outfit of form-fitting yoga outfit and no shoes. Naturally, the babies were annoyed with me for subjecting us to cold weather and kicking me as hard as they could for it. I was also still sad and upset, so by the time I was in Olivia's front hall and she was closing the door behind me, I wasn't doing so hot.

"What's the matter, sweetheart?" she padded over and draped a blanket over my shoulders. "Did you and Nick fight?"

I nodded and pulled the blanket tighter around me as I followed her towards the living room.

"Yeah, that's what happened…"

"Come tell us."

"Who is 'us'?"

"Alex and Casey; they've both been experiencing contractions for the past hour and they were getting bored, sitting at home without Xander. I was just about to call you."

"So Violet and Delaney could be born today?"

"It's quite possible, but if they're born before midnight tonight, I lose twenty bucks each to my daughters."

"Hey!" Casey called out from her spot on the couch as we entered. "This whole process here is no walk in the park, missy, and betting on Violet and Delaney? Really?"

Olivia raised an eyebrow as she and I settled into the armchairs opposite the two attorneys. "Like you and Alex haven't already bet on my children or Amanda's."

The redhead blushed and promptly shut her mouth, causing Olivia to smirk.

"Check and mate."

Alex rolled her eyes and spoke to me. "Amanda, what's the matter?"

"Can all of you keep quiet about what I'm going to say?"

"Of course." They all answered in unison.

I explained what happened what happened, and when I was done, Olivia and Alex didn't speak because they were thinking. Casey seized the opportunity to speak up first.

"Amanda, you're a fantastic mother, and Zara, your twins and your future children—if you have any more—are all blessed to have you. Nick is a really cool guy, and I've seen him with younger victims and with Zara. It's clear that his heart is incredibly full of compassion and affection for them. That is admirable."

"I said the same thing, but I wish that I could get him to see past his fears."

"It's natural for anyone to be scared each time they find out they're getting a new addition, whether it be the first time or even a fifth time. When Alex and I started the IVF treatments, it took a few tries and lots of heartbreak, especially for Alex because she's older than me, but as you can see, we both made it and there are seriously not enough words to say how incredibly happy we are. Even in the long run, I've still been the bigger mess because I was told a long time ago that because of a battle with endometriosis that I'd never be able to even conceive. All of that aside, I'm still just as nervous now as I was on the day that I got my pregnancy confirmed."

"Then what about when you two found out about Sarahjane, and that she had a little boy who was about to be in need of a loving home and two aunties to love him? Who was the bigger mess?"

"Me, no doubt." Alex raised her hand, shifting her body slightly. "I always knew that no matter how strained my parents' marriage was, they both loved me unconditionally, but it wasn't until recently that my father told me that things were strained because of Sarahjane. Apparently, she was conceived when I was about three and my parents had a short but temporary separation."

"Who is _her _father?"

The older woman shrugged. "I'm sure my mom knew, but she kept mum about the whole thing, didn't she? If my dad knows, he won't tell. He didn't dislike Sarahjane, but he still wouldn't let her be raised in our house because he didn't believe that it was right. Fast forward to the part where Sarahjane is on her deathbed, asking us to adopt Xander, and I'm an absolute mess because I'm already sad that my sister was that sick, but I'm also trying to figure out what to say to the little guy because I'd spent my entire life to that point under the assumption that I was an only child. My relationship with Xander is doing a lot better now; it was just trial and error while I was getting to know him."

"That actually makes me feel a little better. Thanks!"

I turned to Olivia, arching my back a little as the twins began moving around, bored.

"Do you have anything to add?"

She nodded. "As of now, including the twins in my belly, Elliot has fathered seven biological children. You'd think that after all this time, he wouldn't be too concerned because he's a pro, but he's just as anxious as a first-time daddy."

"How's that?"

"He doesn't want to 'mess things up' by accidentally recreating the environment of constant hostility that was going on by the end of his marriage to Kathy. He's also worried about being the 'old dad' to our kids because when the twins graduate from high school, Elliot will be older than he cares to admit."

"Nick and I will sort of be in that boat, too, although it'll be mostly him because he's older than me by six years." I mused. "How many years does Elliot have on you?"

"Seven, and he's also nervous about being a good enough dad to Calvin when he gets here."

"How come?"

"Because Elliot's relationship with his dad when he was alive was almost as bad as mine with my mom, and Calvin has been without his own dad for many, many years. I keep telling Elliot to put one foot in front of the other, to take one step at a time and he does. You tell that to Nick, especially since both you know what it's like to grow up without much of a father figure. Something tells me that he'll understand."

I took her words under advisement and then glanced at the Cabots, realizing that neither of them had said anything for the past few minutes.

"Are you two alright? Any more contractions?"

They both shook their heads no, and Alex answered. "We're fine, Amanda. We're just thinking about our own relationships with our own fathers, is all."

"But both of you grew up with your own fathers, plus Tinford loves you and your family dearly, doesn't he?"

"Yes, but in my case, took everything that happened with my assassination attempts and then my mother passing away while I was in Witness Protection for him to really begin to try to be there for me the way he should have been when I was little. The matter of Casey's dad is a little different."

"I was one of those kids with an absent dad because mine worked himself almost to the bone, tending to the crops and animals. He was too focused on that to pay attention to seven kids."

"And then we all know that I never knew my own dad to begin with," Olivia tacked on. "But we're all grown up now, and a lot stronger to boot, our spouses or if your case, fiancée, included. We've all survived, and we'll always be here for each other when things get hard because one way or another, we're all family now, anyway."

"We are," added Alex. "And what good is a family as close as this one if we don't have each other's backs?"

"Exactly." Casey chirped. "We have each other's back because we're always going to be family, no matter what happens or how different we all are. Nick and Elliot would agree."

I nodded, giving all of them a genuine smile and stood up. "Thank you, all of you. I feel so much better now. I'm going to go back to Nick."

I made to give the blanket back to Olivia, but she shook her head. "Just give it back later. It's cold out, and I don't want you to freeze."

"Fair enough." I looked back to the Cabots. "One of you will tell me if the other goes into labor for real, right?"

"You know we will." Casey grinned. "Now go on and go kiss your guy and make up—he's probably simmered down by now."

"He probably has. I'll talk to all of you later."

With the support and unconditional love of my two sister-friends and my surrogate mother behind me, I left the Stabler house feeling a lot happier than when I had entered.


End file.
